What Happened?

I am unable to determine why I passed out on the kitchen floor after the whiskey bottle’s label slid itself upward.  My ability to diagnose cause and effect has disappeared along with my balance, although my self-esteem is off the chart.  I am able to piece together from the conclusions of others that things just occur, according to pacifists who’d prefer you to not notice how actively they downplay connections.  Noticing what occurs next takes the fun out of harebrained plans.

Drunks are no help in tracking down missing booze.  It certainly couldn’t be that people whining about this mean universe’s capriciousness prompted stupid things to take place within it.  Some dissenters believe it’s possible to negatively manipulate events by, say, treating property as best cared for by the state or maintaining Islamic lunatics just need coddling. Bad things could result from decisions.  But acknowledging the role of actions in results requires conceding personal responsibility exists, which is as popular as Friendster.

This White House is eager to help those who randomly struggle since Inauguration Day 2009, as there’s no correlation possible.  So many are testing if they can enjoy life without money, not precisely by choice.  It’s as if present policies create gloom. But perceiving a connection seems too obvious.  Law & Order has taught us that the most obvious answer isn’t the correct one, so let’s blame the Tea Party people.

It’s cruel to not aid those trudging through the returnable bottles economy.  Litter your receptacles to get the money flowing.  Just to be safe, let’s give them handouts instead of chances.  We had money right up until the government started convincing us that toxic mortgages were healthy.  Obliterating the funds we had and 18 trillion dollars we didn’t failed to appease the angry demigods of equality.  We clearly need to sacrifice more.  Make out checks to “Cash.”

Does the world have to fall apart alongside our economy, too?  We can’t get a break here.  There’s international chaos for some mysterious reason.  America was handed bad circumstances as it elected someone who apologizes for peace.  It doesn’t seem to be taking hold just yet.

Our new supposed pals wallow in the planet’s most rancid garbage while dumping it on the mowed lawns.  The lack of universal harmony is our fault for having values like letting people keep what they obtain through trade, defending our interests, and not stoning gays.  Standards are very offensive to culturally developing areas.

It transpires infrequently enough to be newsworthy, but actions can affect life in a positive manner.  Astute maneuvers can in fact lead to less nastiness, as seen by how there are fewer muggings and burglaries as more innocent people are allowed to shoot back.

A nation with ample arms to bear also coincidentally has a government not worth overthrowing, although it’s certainly brushing against the warning track. Point out that shootings by bad people decrease in areas where bad people can be shot if you enjoy leftists scowling.  But let’s not draw conclusions because everyone’s packing heat.

This plane of existence is just a coin flip, as nobody is rich enough to have paper currency anymore.  We are at the mercy of fate, a force which apparently dislikes Democratic administrations.  It can’t be that compassionate actions in equality’s name actually spread anguish to all.  White House flacks point out bad things that just happen to happen when the state does everything but the handful of proper tasks it’s actually assigned.  Life is so cruel to people with dreams of altering DNA.

On that note, Barack Obama has the worst luck.  What are the odds that everything falling apart lined up with his terms? Play the lottery after getting struck by lightning, jeez. Sure, he ascended to the presidency by exploiting a crisis caused by policies he embraced. Being cool and having a novel complexion for a candidate are very wise reasons to back a contender.  But reality resists his awesome concepts.

You’re not going to stick continuous deterioration on Mister Inheritance, are you?  It’s as if you’ve learned nothing from the Vacuum President.  He kindly taught you to see life as a series of oppressions, starting with the cruel indignities inflicted on himself.  Why, he was only elected president twice.  And jerks are mean to him just because he’s atrocious at the job.

There are promising developments ahead if there’s no connection between progressive concoctions and the ensuing state of affairs.  That means pushing the same toxic subprime mortgages that made the world into a shantytown won’t have fearful consequences any more than weakness in the face of evil will provoke peril.  We better hope that’s the case. If bad things follow having the government do everything except its job, it means the ache is not about to dull.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2014columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/505996.

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