Back Into the Swamp

We need to stop evolving before useful parts start falling off.  Any civilization that cares about future generations needs to knock off radiation exposure once natural rights have mutated into existence. Individual liberty is now portrayed as just a rest stop on the way to the final communal destination.  Sure, we’re headed downhill, but the important thing is we travel together.  No, you can’t get off.  The primitive Constitution doesn’t even force you to support worthless companies, and suckers shouldn’t have to cope with extra guilt.

The invented right to insurance is unhealthy even aside from the disintegrating guts.  Sure, everyone should feel safe here in the Lollipop Kingdom where you have the right to never have a sore tummy or skin your knee.  But we’re in trouble if pain exists.  Those who aren’t concerned with anything but the displayed percentage of forced enrollees are quite smug about getting coverage at the expense of nothing more than freedom, choice, decent prices, and good treatment. Other than that, this checkup turned out sweet.

We had to ruin the system so some could get subsidized regimens because that’s what caring means.  Thank taxpayers who presently go without coverage for contributing, although it’s not like they had a choice. The damage isn’t just theoretical to those who have lost plans they like.  Limbs may have to be removed for the organism’s benefit.  The torso will have to learn to fend for itself.

Similarly, marriage has to expand if we’re to remain inclusive to whatever’s trendy that day.  Rights are always too narrow, and must broaden lest we wish future people in the 2020s look back upon us as shameful bigots.  It never occurred to the big bang theorists why marriage was the way it was, as it’s easier to proclaim what love is, namely love. Tautologies shouldn’t be used to alter a custom that has served mankind since the start.  But nobody wants to be called a hater for noting anyone interested could pair off without Anthony Kennedy’s authorization.

An official stamp for every coupling is part of the perception that it’s moral and practical for the government to be in charge of our allowances.  That’s why we have one, right?  Archaic concepts like personal responsibility stand as obstacles to equal bliss. Centralizing options allows us to be bit players in a drama directed by someone else, which is a relief from the treacheries of responsibility.

Your foolish selfish desires will de discarded by the roadside as we move toward glorious dependence.  They’ll totally compost, so don’t worry about causing even more damage with your objectivist wishes.  Stop it right now with lusting to be rich enough to obtain insurance without an entitlement.  You may be dragged there, and the trail you leave in the mud points toward progress.

We get nowhere when we let others drive.  Presuming those heading the wrong way toward the onramp have memorized the map will surely get us to our destination soon.  For now, it’s portrayed as normal for college graduates to toil on burger assembly lines if they can get hired before their parents, who are learning that financial security is a concept as obsolete as promotions.  Accepting the inevitability of wasted skills is one way to cope with life’s frustrations.  Taxing the stuffing out of those the government hasn’t regulated into nothingness spreads an important lesson about how this universe is unfair.

The most cooperative villagers aspire to nothing more than turning patties 180 degrees, presuming such jobs aren’t rendered obsolete by incentivizing robots to being conquering humans through taking fry cook jobs. The unintended infiltration of our future cybernetic overlords is the price of cooperation.

Eating all that fast food that the First Lady loathes is the only way to halt a cruel society where ability and effort were the sole measures of how much one could earn.  Such narcissism is in clear defiance of the notion written with a murdered bird’s feather dipped in ink that all men are created to end up equal.  I may be paraphrasing, but I’m sure the gist is accurate.

Everything will get better if we trust those who’ve made everything worse since 2009.  This White House persists in thinking the world moves toward civilized peace despite everything that came first.  The problem is they think nothing came first. They keep claiming life was crummy before we moved toward pooling resources and giving our PINs to worldwide felons. At least circumstances are worlds better since we put diplomacy on the honor system while charging others to exercise purported rights.

We’re not quite sure who’s going to subsidize everyone else’s goals when advancement is discouraged through penalty. In the same way, we wonder who will reassemble Iran’s split atoms.  The worst thing about not knowing when to stop is how we can’t go back.  The one thing that will help us chose wisely at this critical point is more Jägermeister.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at


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