The Second Side

Everything’s always been lousy, but take comfort in knowing there’s no other option.  We have to feel despondent about being harassed into poverty as the Legion of Doom blows up our few remaining possessions if we want a proper government.  The notion of buying items independently while Washington concerns itself with spooking mullahs who aren’t keen on our continued existence seems unreal.  How would that even be practical?  Americans are much easier to bother than jerks in some different hemisphere.

The absence of an opposing case is true in practical terms.  Far too many haven’t heard the reasons to obey the Constitution.  That seems odd to we bores who talk about politics incessantly. But a very helpful media has ensured that it takes special effort to be exposed to ideas other than those of the incumbent president.  It shouldn’t be shocking to learn they exist, especially considering the present crummy schemes lead to decent folks getting punched instead of those out to kill us.

To be fair, we do hear both sides.  For example, media consumers presently encounter a healthy debate about whether Republicans who think the economy could improve enough that citizens could meet their own needs are evil or just stupid. Being left alone to figure out life is the only thing that’s ever worked in a country founded upon the principle.  But it’s uncomfortable to find work and then wake up every day, so it’s best to just wait for your check.  Who funds them?  Nobody knows, as magic will always remain mysterious.

Language is a weapon of those who possess nothing complex like skills.  Those who don’t consume political content on Twitter as a hobby and way of life are presently only exposed to twisted wording that’s wearing a trench coat. There’s an obscenity inside.  Most egregiously, far too many still haven’t heard about the unspeakable horrors labeled “women’s health,” a new standard for hideous euphemism. The fact Americans haven’t taken torches to the baby-slicing abattoirs shows how evil just needs the right public relations firm to flourish.  You’re not a sexist who wants ladies to be shoved from chemotherapy to the street, do you?

Next, you’ll tell me you hate gays because you don’t want to change marriage on their behalf.  The shallowest understanding of equality imaginable means whoever wants to pair off can call it a wedding.  We want it because they have it, probably states one of the amendments.  Explain that you can think it’s a special institution between complimentary genders without wanting to treat homosexuals as progressives in Iran do, and you can hopefully finish a sentence before the “bigot” brand gets fully heated.  Forget intriguing listeners by describing the special process that leads to children.

Next, amaze the uninitiated by noting charity isn’t the government’s job.  Those who smirk with their eyes closed when they explain how sticking food stamps on more citizens is the height of compassion may ask who else would help. Well, we would, unless people aren’t decent. Those who think the purpose of voting is to pick those responsible for dispensing the dole are repulsed by the thought that the Salvation Army is more helpful. The economy suffers by draining it, creating its own victims.  But it’s tough to be showy if people find they can earn their own salaries.

My plans are so good that people won’t volunteer to fund them.  The benefits are over their heads.  Some contrarians maintain every good idea should be able to naturally attract funding.  Noting the free market sifts through the mud to find gold is only mean to those who think sticking their mitts in your pockets is for your own good.

Promising concepts tend to attract investment to the dismay of bureaucratic twerps with rubber stamps who think they’re too good to engage in the same process. But remember that federal spending multiplies as long as we refuse to recognize the funds’ source or the laughable incompetence of the spenders. Plus, it actually gets divided, but who keeps track?

You can like something and not want others to cover its costs.  Feel free to act in defiance of the purportedly selfless.  It’s not anti-PBS to think the first letter should stand for “private.” Actually, I am anti-Ken Burns. But the questionable twinkletoes-type content they produce is secondary.  The point is for others to pay for what they’d like.  But using your own money seems expensive.

It’s presently a radical notion that the government shouldn’t be sponsoring content. Those with messages are horrified at the thoughts of finding subscribers or sponsors.  Solar companies powered by taxpayers feel the same way.  A disturbing number haven’t heard the case for voluntary interaction, which is one more thing for which to thank journalists.

Fittingly, we’ll have to make the case for good unsupervised times ourselves. Concerned citizens who think they’re capable of obtaining housing and other consumer goods can change the tone through sharing ideas ourselves instead of relying on antisocial media to get news.  The White House that’s trying to centralize everything doesn’t want you knowing there are opinions, plural. They just can’t handle competition.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

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