Hurt the King’s Feelings

It’s natural for failures to lash out. Practicing would be of great help to them, but that takes more effort than the typical idler is interested in exerting.  Children in their 50s never learn how to respond to criticism.  After feeling frustrated because they turn gold into mud, eternal brats naturally get angry at those now coated in filth.

It’s really frustrating because they just knew their blueprints to build wealth by giving everyone the same number of boards would totally be structurally sound.  It’s so mean to point out contractors are installing our hardwood floors with sledgehammers. You can’t shop elsewhere.

Respect the regent especially when he’s wrong, as that teaches us commoners an important lesson about life being challenging.  His Majesty the Royal Baby Barack Obama thinks bipartisanship means everyone coming together to do as he pleases. It’s really the fault of those who succeeded previously and thus set an unreasonable standard, which is why the arsonist condemns firehoses. Disgustingly claiming that those against a deal that will arm an already-cheating Iran sided with same global scumbags is odd from the one letting them split atoms. Attack those who understand what comes next before it’s too late to get what you want.  As for why you want it, that’s for a team of shrinks to uncover.

Condemning those who brought prosperity is an obvious coping mechanism. Still, it’d be better to learn from mistakes.  But daring to suggest those opposed to you keeping your earnings might have ruined motivation and the economy implies they could be wrong.  That’s not what their professors taught them.  Important little Ivy League gems have truly never been exposed to other ideas except in caricatures. Anyone who learned about life and politics from Jon Stewart should be banished to a life of temping.

It’s easy to see why today’s class of ruling hypocrites would overcompensate.  The notion that rich bastards rip off the destitute helps one face secret guilt over thinking everyone coasted as easily as, say, a Hawaiian brat who shifted from the most exclusive private schools to impotent rabble-rousing to the presidency.  America notices his delusions no matter how poor he’s made it. Replace him with a cask-smasher who got where she is because her sleazy husband greased his way into prominence.

I’d be cranky if I set about to ruin America’s most prominent city, which is why I don’t do it.  But goddamn Red Sox fan and giant horse’s ass Bill de Blasio has big schemes to shrink New York City down to size. He can do nothing but moan when Gotham again resembles its portrayal in Johnny Carson monologues.  The jobless wonder insists chaos isn’t again the city’s most popular condition, and who’s right?  I just wish we had a standard like livable boroughs turned into beggars’ cesspools.

Responding like a wounded middle school to fed-up citizens who dare snip at him is easier than his scheme to make the metropolis great through forcing the successful to fund mandatory pre-K.  Panhandlers are the only ones thriving, at least until everyone else runs out of coins.

By sheer coincidence, the most prickly public quasi-servants always have zero real-world experience. Instead of spending their youths washing dishes or fetching coffee, the present reigning class spent decades doing nothing but learning theories, and atrocious ones, at that.  The absolutely unworkable ideology doesn’t just mean rotten results.  Anyone still deluded enough to think government is anything other than a cash bar at a third wedding for which you’re paying is bound to be cranky at those accurately noting we’re sober for the worst reasons.

Give those who destroyed all we hold dear a little more absolute authority so they can install utter pleasantness.  Those very familiar with this universe’s nature are so convinced they can perfect mankind with just a little more power than they’re allowed will never stop yearning for de facto fascism.  Exploiting the privilege of issuing proclamations that subvert that whole bill-into-law jazz is their way of showing how they’d manufacture amazingness with signatures.  The fact life is still so frustrating shows autocracy doesn’t go far enough.  Call it the stimulus effect.

As a result of Packers dreams and Jaguars performances, progressives are in even more foul moods than usual.  It’s important to emphasize how those of us coping with their results feel exponentially worse, as these type of politicians are even more self-absorbed than usual. The self-esteem brigade’s insularity is why they can’t deal with the slightest bit of criticism. Little bitches govern like big failures.  They act like the lame portrayal of bigwigs they constantly sell.  Looking inward would help no matter how ugly the present view.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

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