Your Bully Will Help You

Being a liberal may seem easy.  Breaking everything while fixing nothing sounds fun.  But they live with the shame of uselessness even if they outwardly compensate by lashing out with smugness.  The grownups have to fix what the kids broke.  Opening the window with a hammer is an auspicious sign the Party of O’Malley be good at gluing together the shards.  Contemporary life is about coping with this White House’s fabulous miscalculations. They couldn’t just stop committing them in the first place, as they’re busy mending our fallen world.  Such important work leaves little time to check results.

It’s amazing that this happens to be a time where lots of people want to flee.  There seems to be chaos caused by a lack of leadership for nearly seven years by sheer coincidence of calendar.  The arbitrary nature of threats is why America has not been attacking ISIS where they live.  Whoops: we didn’t bother to stop our enemy.  That macho aggression would’ve just created more terrorists who see their murderous pals get killed and decide they want the same.  So, we have to let in migrants here. Who’s fault is it for letting the cesspool swallow countries?  Oh, who’s to say?  This isn’t time for assigning blame.  Just ask those who should be blamed.

We’re not about to lose our faith in human nature just because terrorists want to murder us.  Might there be bad people running for trouble among those running for their lives? There’s no time to check. We have to take in migrants right this second to further our national policy goals.  Besides, you’re racist for thinking there may be bad Muslims. As with governmental spending ruining job prospects, noticing evidence is for bigots. It’s the same reason we’re not allowed to kvetch about this amazing insurance which totally isn’t making us as broke as we are sick.

Failing for this long shows an impressive commitment to ignoring evidence. This administration continues to fumble with the economy, which is a shock considering the extensive financial experience and utter respect for commerce. Governmental control shows the need for even more governmental control. Hey, it works for heroin.

You could keep pretending the free market collapsed along with your 401(k).  But that’d require ignoring incessant federal meddling, specifically in the form of deciding the inability to afford a mortgage shouldn’t be a barrier to home ownership.  Stupid reality broke the law again.  Bureaucrats who didn’t earn, have no stake, and keep their jobs regardless of the outcome tell us how to invest as a result.

We must ruin health care even more to make it better.  This onerous mandate is imperiling the infirm. But our system isn’t socialist-y enough to help, you see, which is why liberals still moan about its unfairness. I’d thought they’d stop claiming the poor and elderly croak thanks to greed once their savior got his name on a health plan, but they still like to moan about lethal American hospitals over half a decade later along with everything else. Living life fully means never passing on a chance to complain.

Inspirational fascists want to move hospital beds toward full state domain. That ward will make you heal faster because you’ll be scared to stay for another night.  Half-assed screw-ups were part of a broader goal.  Sorrowfully, it’s not to let you be free to spend greater earnings on cheaper plans.  The middle step was to blame mean private insurers. These failures sure are cunning.  It’s uncanny how the results of more federal control are the fault of big business.  Now, you’ll pay for single-payer. The astounding bills will just be the start.

This Commander-in-Chief’s targets only make sense if you grasp his bizarre war goals.  Bombing the intellectual rubble instead of ISIS is his way of making a point.  Pushing Americans to surrender may seem easier, although we’ve been quite stubborn about wanting to earn raises and not take in potential suicide vest aficionados.  It was arrogance that created contempt for us, after all, so it’s our fault that so many indignant souls want to pulverize us.  Obama says terrorism is caused by lack of jobs, which means the problem is his fault.  Well, this is awkward.  We can only hope villains don’t check the labor force participation rate.

What can you do?  All these devastating events are bound to happen randomly, according to those who hope you don’t notice they’re in charge.  Acting like they’re victims of bad luck is this White House’s emblematic way of shirking personal responsibility.  Their only successes are inadvertent cautionary tales.  But they’ll claim until their final miserable day that all the mirror-breaking results are simply bad fortune.  They’re right, but it’s because they won in the first place.

The pain is your fault for not believing with sufficient intensity.  They know just how to turn things around.  By chance, every solution to the problems they caused involves giving them even more control.  A little more faith in these smarmy knuckleheads will bring the peaceful nation they promised, where everyone’s so rich that they stop hating rich people.  Welcome to a different kind of theocracy.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at


A Conspiracy to Create Them

The best way to maintain a rather tenuous grasp on power is to be proficient, and that’ll happen for Barack Obama as soon as he admits to being wrong about something.  Hold your breath to lower your carbon footprint.  It’s far easier for someone unaccomplished yet arrogant to brush off opposition. His stupidly evil critics claim they’re experiencing pain just because their nervous system tells them it’s true.  Toss another hot anvil at them to cure that delusion.

Maybe you’re nuts.  No, don’t believe the hurtfulness.  Portraying sober opponents of overreach as crackpots is far easier than performing well. Meanwhile, this White House has promoted and/or achieved such radically psychotic goals that simply describing them makes critics sound like foil hat wearers.  Avoid patronizing any reactionary haberdasher who tries to sell you one without protective shiny layers both on top and underneath fabric, as that false economy isn’t worth it.

This is so unfair.  You keep blaming everything wrong on him just because he’s responsible.  The one thing you’re supposed to learn from this presidency is that individuals are not to be held accountable.   A sarcastic “Thanks Obama” is common enough that it’s long been used as a joke in response to any attempt that explodes in flames.  But it entered the parlance for a reason.  What if he actually was lousy? His lack of ability at anything more difficult than shaving would explain everything, although he adamantly maintains Keyser Söze is still on the loose.

The petulant zealotry began over half a century ago.  We don’t have to wade into Kenyan Muslim territory to establish this is a president with one weirdo background featuring several obviously influential radicals. The biggest thing to glean from this isolated mountebank’s oddball upbringing is that he thinks everyone is as easily duped by radical claptrap as he is. It’s hard to for someone so weird to feel empathy with what are allegedly fellow humans.

The scheme creator’s semi-commie impulses are manifested by decisions his foes couldn’t satirize.  Releasing terrorists after a massive attack is the sort of maniacal theory you’d think would be pushed on World Net Daily.  Likewise, demanding we accept migrants in the moments after France’s openness to refugees helped result in blood staining much of Paris is a bafflingly self-righteous move that would be suggested in a chain email your parents forward to you.  Instead, they actually occurred, at least if you believe the lamestream media.  There’s no fear-mongering involved in practicing ducking.

It’s not as clever as it looks for him to turn his lies about refusing to help an endangered ambassador in a country he ruined into an attack on those who notice.  Warping Benghazi into a punchline is a cute move by those who don’t know the murdered ambassador’s name.  The president really did b.s. about leaving that poor bastard to fend for himself after destabilizing a country. Obama counts on doing such preposterous things that explaining them makes one sound like a lunatic.  The key to a successful acting role is commitment.

Big Brother is bothering you.  It’s a shame how 1984 comparisons are overused and always seem melodramatic, as so many seem apt.  Orwellian is presently an understatement.  Constant semi-legal needling is how this clumsily aggressive White House keeps those noticing patterns from getting comfortable.  I wish the boss would stop validating conspiracies.  Emptying Gitmo after terrorists attacked our French friends is something that sounds like Snopes should debunk it.  But even they’d have to conclude it’s true, even if it would take 10 paragraphs.

The bully president only attacks those too polite to fight back, which is why he goes after those who dare like it here.  The difference between ‘Merica fans and those who mock awesome trucks with eagle decals is that we are capable of laughing at ourselves.  Meanwhile, snotty liberals who think they’re above embracing something without irony have the laughable policies.  Giggle at them with a dismissive wave as we fix this.

Cults fall apart without alluring leadership.  While there’s much work to do, it’ll be far easier to mobilize voters against these horrendous policies without a charismatic charlatan to push them. Those who fell under this seducer’s spell can spend the rest of their days coping with the shame of backing someone who armed Mexican gangs to push gun control.  Yes, that really happened.

The professional sadist thinks we’re gloating about suffering.  We’re just noting how we pointed out his horrendous ideas would cause tremendous pain. Nobody wants people losing insurance or ISIS drawing blood at will.  But we do know when it’s going to happen, namely after promising everyone gets it and kindness is the best defense, respectively.

Oblivious dolts who don’t accept how their policies cause the very pain in question need to be exposed.  It’s hard to believe just how radical a two-term president could be.  Yes, he does want to confiscate your money, guns, and borders.  At least you’re not crazy.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

Dead Improv Air

The cacophony that sounds like bears bonking on top of trash cans is supposed to be music.  This White House thinks they’re playing jazz even though a hammer is not typically used to improvise on a saxophone.  Making up goals is normal for abnormal types who never think ahead, such as those who conclude $18 trillion or so spent on nothing is a good start.  They go crazy without even buying party supplies, which is the worst way to blow rent.  But those who find living for the moment to be too farsighted aren’t projecting what the future will be like, as they figure they just have to bluff their way through sunset.  Tomorrow’s for new excuses, claim those who spent their dinner budgets on breakfast candy.

There’s no reason to invent something people want when you can make others purchase at gunpoint.  Questions regarding who will buy an item, its horrific quality, and whether it’s the government’s job to provide it are irrelevant when customers are required to fill the register. Attempts to defy economics are easy: just get people to applaud because they’re getting unlimited complimentary items for eternity. Funding just needs to be assigned.  The rich will never run out of bullion to tap, as they have infinite wealth.  Also, they won’t be discouraged from earning more seeing how they randomly received their fortunes.

Unwittingly yet fittingly, the reason we have crummy insurance by rule was to elicit a momentarily thrill out of suckers.  Obamacare’s telling beginnings as a cheap applause line mean we’ve lost autonomy at the cost of health all so the president could impress supporters who also think efficiency results from eliminating competition.  Likewise, every tuition scheme doubles down on a free-credit-for-credits policy that made college more costly than meth.  But you just have to convince enough young dolts newly eligible to vote that life is free from challenge.

Those who’ve created love are too busy stomping out those they hate to engage in foresight.  The Constitution’s authors would be surprised to learn gay marriage suddenly became a human right, particularly seeing as they’d be unaware of something invented after the internet. The bafflement is nothing new: claiming that single-gender couples were harmed by recognizing that marriage includes both a plug and outlet would’ve been baffling in 1990 and a fringe position on this day a decade ago.  But now any two adults can be affirmed by participating in a ceremony designed to benefit children produced. That’s a less immediate type of affection than what supporters typically ponder.

Hear about why you’re a bigot now than thinking about consequences of the Supreme Court’s decree that two grooms are cool.  It’s fine to want to change a definition that has suited humans since they started pairing off.  But deeming gay marriage a right is as myopic as thinking there’s nothing bad that could happen from respecting women by treating them as conquests. As with altering the terms of matrimony, the forces of shaky tolerance haven’t pondered what will happen. But they sure feel great about themselves now.

We weren’t attacked today, which means ignoring the grease fire in the restaurant next door has kept us safe from flames.  The condition can’t spread, correct?  Stop getting down on America and feel good because nothing is exploding at present.  Wait: check again to be certain.

Impetuousness as a philosophy means instantaneous needs get addressed, and who knows if tomorrow is here?  We’ll all croak sooner or later, so there’s no reason to bother with thinking what’ll happen when America shrugs or a few decide that all need supervision.  Besides, the ghastly ideas for the future will ruin your present.  A president in his sixth decade still fails to grasp that a policy may not work as promised. It’s not that Obama makes up tales to assure us he can somehow soften life’s harsh corners: it’s that others still believe him.

How do the saps who think everything works as described get through the day?  They must be broke from buying appliance warranties, not to mention all those dishwashers they’re presumably talked into purchasing.  At least a labor-saving kitchen cube may prove useful. By contrast, the government talks you into thinking you need a service contract on nothing.  You must buy it unless you’d enjoy an audit.

For now, we have to participate in the distant consequences of immediate thinking.  But the dire situation will only impede us until we realize the authority can be revoked.  It doesn’t even take a threat, unless a frown in the voting queue counts.  Thinking ahead as little as Kramer while returning pants is charming for a sitcom neighbor in a way that doesn’t translate to national policies. The only thing worse than reflexive thinking is when it’s this uncoordinated.  Silly policies are implemented haphazardly.  The next executive better be good at mopping.  Right now, they figure the White House floors will get filthy again, so there’s no need to bother cleaning them.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

On the Other Hand, It Sucks

I want to set the coffee table afire.  I think it would look cool and provide an opportunity to properly cook marshmallows.  But my blaze may damage the living room, not to mention the rest of the house. Still, those opposed to indoor infernos should hear me out. Meanwhile, those high-minded enough to understand equivalence opine we should only burn half of it. We have no need to weigh both sides when one is unequal to the point of tipping the scales.  Those who want something really dumb don’t deserve 50 percent of consideration or a compromise.  Give them a moment before swiping in whatever’s the dismissed direction.

Money that appears from nowhere is turned into something amazing.  Soon. The contraption needs more currency to work, so wretch-killing sequester goons should be banished like they wish to do to the government.  We just have to believe in the power of vaporizing more money and stick to it.

By the logic of those who think any cut in the rate increase would harm the economy, spending even more would obviously work.  Instead, they think only a couple trillions of confiscated redistribution somehow causes the economy to grow. Make it a cool quadrillion in debt for unparalleled material success.

Sorry to see the world in black in white just because it is, but the principle either functions or it doesn’t.  We have limitless evidence for the latter when it comes to “federal” usually modifying “spending” and would possess even more if gloom could be measured.  But, as with jobs, some things are presently tough to grab. A deficit reduction still means more red ink on top of the unfathomable amount already spilled. Maybe 15 wine coolers will make us less sick than 17.

The middle ground is where we’re left the hell alone.  Ruin the country at a slightly slower rate to be called even-handed.  Wanting a slightly smaller amount of federal spending on nonsense isn’t the moderate position. Purported extremity in the direction of autonomy means people can indulge in liberty instead of spending half the work week.  The default setting should involve never encountering a federal employee, even for those who choose to not reside within cozy shacks in the woods.

If we’re going to subvert all we treasure, we should at least get some booty out of it.  Instead, the chest is as empty as our dreams.  The respect afforded to transparent foolishness is especially galling when compared to the atrocious circumstances presently accepted as normal.  Americans who persist in thinking spending your money helps you get rich are totally on the verge of helping us reach shared dreams.  Letting you pretend to keep some of your things seems like a fair compromise.

It’s not to be condescending, but we should be helping those who think contemporary life is fair and swell find mental treatment.  Due to Obamacare, it’ll be rare and expensive. Relinquishing autonomy for a crummy retirement plan isn’t as enticing as one might think.

A flimsy scheme won’t sort-of help if there’s a little less of it.  First, the avaricious anti-greed patrol doesn’t do a little of anything.  But be assured that people with no marketable skills are totally going to take what you worked for and get something useful.  Treat the scenario like it’s reasonable.

Equal coverage means stupid ideas should be held up for comparison.  The White House thinks that helps their case.  Their soft fascists don’t think there’s any opposition to their joyous policies.  After all, who could be against unlimited free insurance for poor people who won’t stay that way long thanks to benevolent handouts from a government that creates wealth by doling it out?  The delusions about the pleasantness they feel is widespread could only exceeded by the certainty we’re digging this.

The disparity between sweet goals and sour results warps everything.  The incumbent is grand marshal of an angry parade which throws rocks at those watching instead of Tootsie Rolls.  I wonder why there are any spectators left, although some take perverse joy in watching a disaster march past.

At least our enemies are happy.  Treating garbage views as valid pleases those who take glee in American suffering, especially since we’ve rocked for so long.  Waiting for the mighty to fall is easier than emerging from puniness.  There’s no need to pretend anyone daft has a valid point, especially considering how they scoff at policies that would clean up their messes.

The cheering section shouldn’t include our president, but this guy’s a special case.  At least Barack Obama shows why there’s no comparison between liberty and letting dolts choose for you.  Hopefully, he continues to make the case for the other side right up until the despondent end of this horrid term.  Give him a little more time so he can look even more foolish.  That’s fairness.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

It’s All Collateral Damage

The government must compensate for the damage they inflict. Oh: you think you know a better way to fix things?  Whiners claim they could just leave things alone, but the risk of the whole enterprise collapsing like drunken Jenga is too great.  We better keep hammering the pieces.  The puny victims beg the government to please stop with the assistance, as the rusty butter knife doesn’t seem to be helping the wounds heal.  Your screams of contentment only motivate those who have decided to save you with stiffer stabs.

Contemporary life revolves around coping with those who genuinely think Washington buys nifty items in the federal gift shop with our meal per diem.  Your hunger will dissipate once you see this souvenir ashtray, as long as you only use it for decoration.  It’d be cuter if we had a choice.

Government is the most compassionate drug dealer in the projects.  After all, they built the glorious brick units.  These angel dust pushers claim they’re actually there to help. The worst sort of poison peddlers think they’re selling medicine, proving again the cost of free is not worth it. The collective already acts as if it owns your things, so why not your soul as well?

The lust to punish the successful ends up hurting those they’d hire.  But at least we get the satisfaction of teaching lessons to anyone who dares thrive.  You have some nerve creating a service everyone uses, and you deserve to fund food stamps for the able-bodied as punishment.  Besides, a work-free life is far more satisfying than paying the same recipients to complete tasks.

There’s no greater motivation than knowing you’d be slammed if you were able to afford boxing pay-per-view without inviting over 15 dudes with five bucks each.  Present rates teach Americans that they can only do so well and wouldn’t want to exceed that, anyway.

The lower-middle class already endures a huge tax burden, according to those who think Obamacare made insurance affordable and that murderers are exploiting a gun show loophole.  Ask how many don’t pay income taxes, and the answers will be mathematically far enough from the truth to make them audit candidates if they owed anything themselves.

You need a handout on account of everything you can’t do, you poor little thing.  The idea that you should have to pay a higher percentage as you do better is intimately connected to the notion that money really belongs to the government.  Our compatriots who genuinely hold that they’re out to enrich those without as much by taking more from those they’ve concluded have too much. That makes sense to them.  Is it arbitrary?  Sure, but so is thinking that a medium fries aren’t delicious if someone else has a large.

America has endured so much pain from politicians helping. Imagine if they disliked us.  Actually, they do, but their contempt is expressed in a patronizing way that belies how they’re the ones who need pity.  The broken bones that have resulted from treatment for bruises don’t seem to be healing, so perhaps stomping on them will mash them back into place. Someone is subsidizing your care, so don’t worry about the bill.  Nobody involved will ever want to quit assisting.

Aside from the money part, everyone’s rich.  People who are poor in more than one way find themselves mired in poverty as they’re supposed to be leaving behind the muck. It makes no sense: those punished for making it aren’t making jobs as if they are unwilling to keep busting their hides.

Those sick of the beatings sure are babies.  They’re too busy burying life savings in Mason jars to worry about our devastating takedowns of their selfish dedication to compensation and hiring.  We’ll get them back. The taxman’s shovel is likely to snap, as it’s government-issued.  But that won’t stop those IRS goons whose only skill is persistence at bothering others from returning with an excavator.

Purported assistance is as impractical as it is patronizing.  We appreciate being told we deserve fortunes for menial work.  But the notion that we could work for a raise is apparently as absurd as earning one. Handouts do not enrich in any sense.  To be fair, they do help those who issue them feel like they’re humanitarian superstars.  But that is not the stated goal.

Give until it hurts unless you want to know the pain of a perjury conviction.  Sure, our appointed bosses are not using their own money, although they act like it’s so.  And they offer no solution but to keep begging for enough to eke out a living.  They’ll check on those they’re helping if they can manage to wipe those smug smiles off their faces.  It may be awhile.  But they’re certain they made things better.  After all, that was their intention.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

Good by Order

The intention’s not to create more polarization in a country where it’s presently the only thing thriving.  But there’s no nicer way to note our time’s defining political characteristic than by blurting out that liberals act like bad people. We’re only trying to help them correct self-destructive behavior, so concern troll away.

Be polite about informing those screwing over the nation, unlike how they, say, explain those against funding baby dismemberment are women-slappers. Cussing at everyone who thinks welfare neither helps the economy nor humans is one way to convince oneself of personal tolerance, as anyone in opposition thus becomes not worth tolerating.  If it burns to contemplate such a mentality, imagine living with it.  The knowledge that everyone else is dumb and wicked necessarily means advocating force to get anything done.  Failing to recognize humans are already helping each other is why they feel compelled to bully.

That whole voluntary part of helping requires trusting others to have consciences.  It’s the worst.  We’d better force everyone to care via mandate.  First to go is the apparently preposterous notion that charity can occur without being held at gunpoint, as liberals can’t even conceive of widespread donations. Forget that draining the deep end to fill the shallow side leaves everyone stuck in the pool.  What’s important is we’ll be together. The Salvation Army does what government doesn’t, namely win the War on Poverty. But that means there aren’t people to help, which makes us feel empty.

Pretending everyone has good insurance is sure healthy.  Even worse, the hatred for those who dare to profit forces us to do business with a government that receives a fortune for doing nothing.  Congratulations to those who hate corporations for creating a marketplace where buyers can’t say no.  Instead, smug junkies sickly enable the most profit-hungry entity imaginable, namely the one that consumes without producing as it orders you to comply.  Progressives somehow don’t prefer a world where soulless conglomerates would have to beg for money.

Stores need your business more than you do their product, so use that to your advantage. Trying to impress you enough to spend is what lowers costs. Or, we could see if making everyone pay inspires the monopoly to watch prices.  Every purported bit of relief is merely charging someone else for something you want.  Subsidies are the worst sort of profiteering.  But at least they make things more expensive for everyone.  Customers really care about prices when they don’t get billed.

Professional loungers know how to make money so easily that they don’t even have to bother.  The experts will just take some of yours as a reward for telling you how to do it.  A meddlesomely escalating tax rate is only partially a punishment for accumulating riches.  Those who dare offer people what they want in exchange for money are rotten for allegedly paying pennies to the indentured minions who do the real production. Running a business sounds like sweaty brute work for commoners who didn’t get into Ivy League schools, even Brown.

Entrepreneurs risking everything to offer a product have to hike the minimum wage, according to those who’ve never been in position to earn or grant one. Franchise owners live on the second floor because they can’t get in at ground level on account of all the bullion.  Their wage slaves can’t escape.  Who could change careers?

You may feel tired of teaching the insufferable about projection.  In that way, psychology is just like making money and international relations, as our present leaders never learn.  If it helps cope, note the low personal satisfaction among those who use the law to compel everything they won’t personally do willingly.  Tell them about voluntary investment or assistance and they’ll look at you as if you’re from the Planet Vulcan. Some believe so much in the goodness of humanity that rulers must impose order on normal interactions.  They will do the ordering.

Making up things is of great assistance to self-righteous causes.  Note how a baby butchery is the last group that deserves taxpayer funding, and they’ll huffily reply that women need mammograms.  Note ladies can’t get such a service there, and they’ll ask when you became such a misogynist with your fact-checking.  Unlike the patronizing sexists who demand squeezing the federal kitty for everything, I think women are capable of paying for their own services.  Bully one group to bribe another for universal happiness.  Amateur conductors feel like they’re creating a beautiful tune when they’re just ripping off melodies.

The omnipresent failures since 2009 could be useful if the remedial class can learn to be decent without a directive.  Trust others to do the same, and discard them as options if they are not.  Understand that eBay feedback is worlds more useful for judging conduct than the National Labor Relations Board.  Trusting their own judgment is the first step to becoming whole.

The only thing that makes destitute enervation worse is the lack of self-respect to fight terrorists and for a raise.  The latter enables them to assist those down on their luck.  For now, they create more brokenness so they can provide assistance.  Where else can you turn but to them?  Don’t worry, as they’re swell.  Ask them for confirmation.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at

Aw, Forget It

Remembering nothing may seem like the key to happiness, but only until the brain loses track of whether green or red means go.  The disadvantage to having the entirety of knowledge accessible through a gizmo in one’s pocket is that the brain may relax too much.  Remembering phone numbers is for people from ancient times with rotaries.

It’s hard to maintain some sense of history when the present is so comfortable, what with the luminous screens displaying tempting game apps.  But the modern man should keep memory slots open.  Except as a warning against thinking technical innovations make happy people, these times aren’t interesting enough to ignore all previous ones.  For one, not every previous generation was fatuous enough to think taxing success would create more of it.

We shouldn’t have to explain more than once why the most calculating couple in humanity’s history is untrustworthy.  Remember just enough to tell the Clintons to get lost, as that shouldn’t tax many neurons. It was only a few presidents ago when the present Democratic sort-of frontrunner was defending her spouse breaking the law by using her as a doormat.  Now, the ever-ballooning Lothario stands up for the inhuman conniver in what’s not the best example of gender equality.

Get with the times.  It’s tough discussing politics with those who somehow aren’t aware what sleazes the Clintons were in the early ‘90s.  Clint Eastwood was already a delightfully cranky old man by then, so it wasn’t that long ago.  The Spin Doctors of politics should be banished for sounding hopelessly dated.  A fad from just over two decades ago was obviously embarrassing, which is why it’s frustrating to have to explain they may just be a tad corrupt.  In fact, there has never been anyone less interested in the public than the impossibly loveless partnership. And you said they had nothing in common.

Junky Clintons who will do anything satiate their lust are surprisingly predictable.  Once agin, they strive to enrich themselves while getting loaded off power in what’s actually the perfect embodiment of their self-righteous politics.  Of course, they’ll sell any stance if you don’t like one they have, so never let it be said this supremely charming duo won’t compromise. The problem is everyone should know by now.

Ironic selfishness is familiar even if it didn’t happen to us.  Try explaining to an Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders fan that their economic beliefs were discredited between the world wars if you’d like to be accused of working with corporations to starve the poor for profit.  The policies pursued by those we fought against in various world wars were actually covers for imperialism in order to steal the people’s resources, you see.  We could try handing out money just in case that novel strategy hasn’t been attempted yet. The best thing about being oblivious to results of past experiments is how wise you feel.  Ignore the track record to avoid feeling humble.

The supreme arrogance behind not noticing what happened leads to supreme incompetence.  For heaven’s sake, people have already forgotten about September 11.  Take a depressing survey on a college quadrangle to hear a vague charge about Bush blowing up a building, or something. All the information ever is available to people with zero interest in absorbing it.

It’s hard to start when the initial option is everything.  Filtering what’s worthwhile is like finding something on Amazon by searching “item.” That’s why youths ignore all of it but cheesy graphics annotated with Vox’s take on truth posted by their shrillest Facebook friends.

History is often seen as, well, a historical pursuit.  Who wants to learn what old white rich men thought about people being free?  It’s possible to learn what came before.  But too many are forgetting how people went through this in the past.

Yet some blessedly persist in learning what to remember.  Patriots with bookshelves full of non-Doctor Phil titles know the good guys won the Revolutionary War and why people sick of being told of how their money should be wasted speak fondly of Grover Cleveland.  Best of all, anyone who cares about more than the last 10 minutes can catch up easily.  Learning about the precedent for not allowing stupid government ruin our days is especially appealing to those sick of updates from the decathlete from four decades ago who thinks he’s a chick.

Forget the past: a frightening number of eligible voters don’t seem to remember what’s happening right this second.  Why fret about taxpayers funding infant slaughterhouses or ISIS getting to those fortunate enough to be born?  This White House prefers we not learn that people could make decisions and income.  Their daft schemes don’t work, as ever.  Thinking they’re the best at everything means ignoring how many times similarly arrogant jerks were humbled previously.  And old-timey dummies didn’t have their own errors from which to learn.

Even if you don’t write it down, know recordings are easy to look up. Something like this probably happened before.  Read about similar moments experienced by unsmiling geezers in what looks like sepia-tinged Instagram shots and impress Barack Obama by predicting the future again.  You don’t have to tell him the outcome already happened.  He’s already confused enough about money and human nature without learning about the time curve.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at