Obey or Be Taunted

Why let gravity boss you around?  Sign an executive order against the dumb force to live your dream of flying.  Jump from the roof to prove you love science.  Ignoring the results of countless experiments works similarly well for finances and global interactions.  Rules fix everything as long as people like being told how to act and nature listens to commands.  That does sound like this galaxy.

A diktat will bend events to your will if you believe hard enough.  You must be calculating and hopeful, which is quite a tough combo. Challenges in achieving the proper balance explains why trying to redesign reality never happens.  Maybe it just takes being pompous enough to think the universe obeys wishes to actually bend the continuum.  A strong will could be the one thing that changes everything.  If not, we’re being driven into a poorhouse targeted by suicide bombers by the most arrogant bastards possible.  Someone check the news.

Free elections prove you get what you pay for.  Those who lust to take money out of life feel the same way about politics.  Of course, they don’t see a difference.  Getting to say you don’t like a potential leader will be totally banned if President Hillary gets her way and takes out Citizens United in the same bombing run as the one targeting NRA headquarters. Ever-ethical candidates will never find ways around financial limits, especially once they have favors to sell.  That’s why they seek power: to help people.

Politicians learn how to be scumbags to compensate for not having useful skills. The sleaziest among us know more than anyone that campaign cash limits would drive money under tables.  That must be why so many of the dastard bastards support it.  Resentment at the ability to please others enough to get them to pay is explains their hostility to those who actually earn money.  The same head-shaking souls who think politicians can lower costs by removing incentives to compete think the problem with politics is that candidates can pay to yap. Democrats can just go on CNN for free.

Until we are blessed with a visionary who keeps us safe from muggers and purse-snatchers by banning violence, melting firearms will have to suffice.  The best thing about totally practical plans to confiscate guns is how nobody will make new ones after we’ve turned dismantled handguns into playground equipment for poor children.  Humans change when they have fewer things, or at least we’d better hope.

Just like how the rich will surely keep earning as taxes increase, conditions are to be preserved permanently after Glocks are made molten.  Crime will stop if guns aren’t allowed because the nefarious will only have useless fists.  They couldn’t unclench to operate machinery making more weapons, either, on account of the illegality. Fear-mongers who claim gun bans enable those with rusty butter knives to dominate are merely trying to cloak their own bullet-focused naughtiness, so bust into their homes and confiscate there first.

Has anyone thought of taxing the rich?  I’m unsure whether it’s better to not know how offensively high the top rate is or be aware of it and think success isn’t gouged enough.  Either way, it’s well past time to tell the permanently jealous to sod off and begin savings accounts. Outrageously demand they use their own funds. There will be no universal prosperity as long as those who get ahead become unmotivated when more is taken.  Our do-nothing Congress won’t even consider a bill to mandate rich people consume enough iron to bleed.

If you want more, take more.  Gold arrives in the mailbox by rule.  The cash hoarders possess an unlimited pile according to present understanding of economics, and magic spells learned at Bilderberg camp allow the pecuniary thieves to keep adding to it.  Redistribution just restores karmic balance.  It’s not like contemporary sorcerers earned their fortune.  Guilt will drive them to keep adding to the kitty, which means surpluses soon. We’re going to have so much infrastructure that we won’t have a place to put it.  That’s why we have eminent domain.

Preeners who claim they respect the Earth shouldn’t disregard how it functions. The mortifying notion that they can order about human nature reveals a different part of it, namely that hubris is limitless.  Take how they literally think they tell nature how to act.  Environmental warriors think waves obey their orders, which is a sign of saneness.  Humans haven’t ruined the Earth: just their self-perception.

The architects of this mud pile worry about puritanical conservatives who don’t wish to change the nature of marriage as they tell everyone what to do.  Enjoy your wedding.  Now hand over your money and guns. Take crummy insurance as compensation.  You don’t have an option. Iran will stop firing missiles once they realize they’re breaking a rule. Existence will consent to being bossed around once it’s done giggling.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/505996.

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