Anyone upset by the John Wayne-using-a-communist’s-skull-as-an-ashtray depiction of America is in luck. Nothing offends Democratic voters more than us racist robber barons jingoistically being both powerful and decent. Don’t worry, as we’re presently neither. The ghouls who wish to feast on our bones are supposed to be impressed by us reducing ourselves. But self-castration has somehow not prompted villains to follow suit, which is odd considering that this White House promised we live in a world of example. Instead, Lex Luthor waits for Superman to take a nap before aiming his Death Ray.
People are scary, so just avoid them. Hang out in the cafeteria kitchen to dodge bullies, as the lunch lady will understand your struggles. Maybe you’ll even get a comforting tuna boat out of it. The same dopes who think disarmament prompts peace among neighbors prompted into shame don’t realize negotiating is what lowers costs. Removing it leads to your crummy Obamacare plan disappearing, which is actually sort of a benefit in its way. The only hope now is to play dead and hope neither our enemies nor creditors notice us. There may be a better way to achieve happiness, but it’s hard to spot while facing mud.
While our enemies hate this country, the White House party only loathes the American things. Social justice pros don’t care about commitment to natural rights, uninhibited chance to thrive, or other inherent awesomeness like drive-thru liquor stores and blowing up junk to celebrate the nation’s birthday. Granted, is it tough when you’re responsible for what happens to you, especially if your only skill is resentment. That is the one thing at which they excel.
Prosperity was a natural byproduct of not being bothered. Allowing citizens to thrive meant we had plenty left over to buy guns to aim at the jealous or villainous. But the right to make your own investments means permitting unsavory businessmen to profit by offering others things they’d like, all to buy tanks that encourage militarism while increasing our carbon footprint. What if we dummies chose to purchase juice from power plants that work?
We’re in trouble unless Barack Obama is letting all the evildoers congregate so he can wipe them out with one stealth bomber. Even by his usual hypocritical standards of warmongering, that sounds like something that wouldn’t interest him. Absent letting bombs and gravity do their work, Evil Voltrons are forming everywhere. Take countries aligning with the daft goons in Russia either out of a similar commitment to being jerks or simply because they need protection. Kneeling before Vladimir is preferable when the alternative is a limp erstwhile superpower. Nobody will align with a country whose leaders strive to disarm their own citizens, as what will they do to inhibit casual friends?
Our ex-chums regret getting involved with us. Obama’s been mean to Britain, Israel, Australia, and just about everyone in Eastern Europe, among other decent spots who are questioning why they deserve such friendship. Meanwhile, our still-persistent enemies don’t seem too impressed by the Supreme Court deciding that there was no love before men were permitted to marry each other. Progressive policies don’t make America miserable enough to ignore.
Even the acquaintances we hate aren’t going to be on our semi-side anymore. Take how Saudis will look for assistance in killing whoever wants to kill them first. The Iran deal’s a success if it meant ensuring everyone would pursue atomic egalitarianism. Yes, that most Arabian nation is full of rotten scumbags who treat most humans like germs, especially women humans. But they’re occasionally helpful scumbags to us for their willingness to attach jumper cables to even worse jerks. Now, they will build slightly fewer impossibly tacky malls so they can afford nukes to point back at Iran, which is on the verge of taping atomic goo to their weapons for unknown reasons. Fewer Forever 21 stores is worth it since America is acting so immaturely.
The end of onerous individual rights was supposed to help sell us to the world. But nobody’s buying that we’re stronger by copying all the lousy countries. Unity has its limits. We can’t even keep our worthless junk safe. America is in trouble even in an amoral vacuum. Ideals are secondary to survival in a brutish world.
Those uncomfortable with power as a calculation should feel relieved that our ideals aren’t being preserved. Phew! Instead, condemn anyone who’s able to muster might, especially those who use it nicely. Threatening to obliterate others is problematic, even if they went first. As a result of condemning good guys with arms, bad guys with arms kick out out legs. You were supposed to be cool, dudes.
The idea of this country as a place whose value lies in buying each other things is, kindly, a screwed-up distortion. Don’t ask communal devotees to cite a precedent of either legal justification or success. Best wishes to anyone trying to explain constitutional restrictions to loudmouths claiming those who spend what they’ve earned selfish. You just don’t care for others, claim those who want others to care for them.
Expecting government to care for needs creates weak babies who don’t even employ the virtue of being adorable. Those who don’t like what America is have managed to do something about it. And you said they couldn’t get anything done. People used to excel precisely because government didn’t bother us. So, they use government to bother us so we can’t excel. Reluctance to defend what’s left completes the process. The world becomes even more chaotic. Betting it won’t affect us is as shrewd as hoping the eighth recovery summer will be the one that shines.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2014 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/505996.