In It Deep

Passive people are always amazed by how bad things keep happening to them.  They’d search for causality, but that sounds like a lot of effort. Instead, it’s easier to look out the window and feel sad about how mean life is.  Such idleness can harm others.  Real damage results when the most powerful man on Earth feels he can’t change things. The “’Bleep’ happens” presidency is full of the censored term in question.  I’ll refrain from using the cuss word in the name of decency, not that those to whom it refers are decent. Extend them more respect than they deserve.

We were promised lump sums.  We only got lumps.  Democrats share the heartwarming attitude that lots of rotten things are inevitable, but only after they’re in charge.  The inability to cope with the aftermath of their efforts runs counter to their initial promise of currency raining from the sky instead of shrapnel.  When their dreams of universal pleasantness inevitably fail, there’s no choice but to act like fate has it in for us.  That’s true, but only in the sense that our destiny was lamentably sealed upon letting ignorant pomposity dominate at polling places.

You can’t live tranquilly despite promises that human conflict were supposed to end late last decade.  It’s your fault for thinking words could be true.  Instead of peace through subordination, Americans have to fear getting blown up by people we were promised were just a few thousand apologies from loving us.  Shrugging at terrorism doesn’t discourage it. We can only hope rewarding terrorism and hostage-taking discourages bad guys, as this could be the one time this White House is right about incentives. It turns out we were wary for good reason, and not for anything we did like exist or be successful.

This is such a relief from living in fear during the Warmonger Junior Bush dictatorship.  Now, we’re in fear with the added bonus that we wouldn’t retaliate if some dastard attacked. The sense of spinelessness has nothing do do with a stubborn refusal to fight back, I’m sure. Barack Obama’s antiterror strategy is that he’s cool.  If he’s what passes for popular, I’ll stick with Dungeons & Dragons in my friend Dan’s basement in lieu of hoping for an invitation to a kegger at the class president’s house.

Well, how would you fix it?  The guy who used masking tape instead of rivets thinks you couldn’t build a bridge out of the collapsed pile. Failures naturally blame others for their own shortcomings. In this case, a president who said he’d end the terror threat let it intensify.  What are the chances?  It must be that it’s simply impossible to stop determined bad men.  There’s no other reason terrorists be scurrying about the globe with the president we have. It may be time to replace “in spite” with “because.”

Likewise, promising us more led to everyone having less.  The economy’s permanently stalled somehow even with these financial wizards casting spells for universal prosperity.  You better hope fellow citizens lucky enough to afford malt liquor keep littering the empty containers, which are now known as bum nickels. As for our finances, should we stop strangling them? Nah.  It’s just that there’s no way to earn that much.  We must tax miscreants who try to sneak ahead via raises; it’s the only way to ensure the gloom is shared universally.

Tales of prosperity amount to urban legend.  Besides, rich people existed in the past, which was known for bigotry.  You don’t want to go back to slaveholding times, do you, supremacist?  Everything in the rearview mirror looks shameful. People didn’t help each other by forking over compensation, which would be almost as bad as slavery, anyway. Instead, let the government control the result of your labor.  It’s not human bondage if you get to keep a little. And you could probably move to New Zealand or something, so you’re free.

Universal peace and wealth sound like nice things to pursue.  But maybe the glue-eaters should start with more modest goals, like not falling out of a window into a cauldron of acid dissolving glass shards that are still jagged.  Those who think the government can do everything have proven it can’t even do some things right.

They fail at the exact same number of tasks they’ve claimed to have mastered, which is to say all of them.  Clearly, lack of funding kept us from getting rich.  It’s tough to believe misery is widespread when leaders flail in the same sense it’s shocking Bill and Hillary sleep in separate beds.

It’s natural for a president with this particular skill set to blame eight crummy years on bad fortune.  Why would all the stupid things happen while he’s in charge?  He must’ve really ticked off a leprechaun who probably didn’t want his gold taxed.  It’s greed’s fault we’ve been cursed.  Don’t blame election results, as that’d mean there are consequences for actions.  This is the eight-year era of claiming we can’t do anything but take what’s handed.  The contrivers avoid mentioning their preposterous activity started the trouble.  Blame who notices who earned blame.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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