Boss on Your Case

Quitting a job is everyone’s clean fantasy.  Being told what to do is universally disliked.  But you really could walk away from your check, even if it might make the bill pile teeter.  Meanwhile, those who made it more likely that you’d be laid off simply adore telling you how to live.  You have to pay attention by law, so heed the mandates of those who shrug at the Constitution.

Micromanaging embodies what life is about to this White House.  They’re certainly not achieving anything themselves, as it’s undignified to toil.  A supervisor may be called upon to use hands for tasks more strenuous than texting. Why should they do grunt work when their real skill is instructing you how to move? That’s why they promoted themselves right into executive positions without first learning a trade.  They think it’s due to knowing how to do everything better than everyone else and not just being really good at sucking up.  Never running a business turned out to be great management experience.

Forget the antiquated policy of leaving companies how to broadly conduct themselves.  Sure, entrepreneurial outfits were already regulated by customers who have money and free will. But we’re not going to try anything as obsolete as placing faith in humans. Today, purchases are mandatory even though nobody can afford the prices.  Telling individual banks what to do is just what your checking account needs.  Chaining pens makes them refuse to give up their ink, so pass a law against it.

Reactionaries suggest customers can hold their own just as well as businesses can, which leads to tough but fair mutual negotiation.  The feds’ role is to crack down on fraud, and that’s about it.  They should appreciate it and recline.  Legislators should be pleased life is that easy, as they don’t even have to sell their souls by buying votes with cash that’s not theirs.

It’s a failure every time a politician mentions a specific company. For present office-occupying thugs, bullying a private merchant for phantom offenses is a collectivist achievement.  Nationalist progressives think they’re being tough by calling out conglomerates that dare offer wages employees can take or leave and products where customers can do the same.  Meanwhile, they think those hired to run companies are working for Satan by monitoring profits.

Laws should be there to catch wrongdoers.  Instead, the rather active present monitoring style means telling folks minding their own business what’s right.  Contrary to the MSNBC caricature, rugged Americans are not generally zero-government zealots but actually fans of putting genuine villains in stockades.  To clarify, the desire to punish bad dudes means bank robbers and not retail managers paying new hires the legal minimum.  The most confusing part of contemporary America is explaining who’s actually a criminal.

Give your kids too much structure, and they’ll be consuming narcotics at raves instead of studying for midterms in no time.  Largely trustworthy Americans are fine with boundaries that define what’s not allowed.  Simultaneously, they’re rightfully irked at being lectured what to do by those who performed community service in high school to help people, namely themselves on Harvard applications.

In lieu of fighting ISIS, this government takes on corporations, sometimes literally individual ones. Their deviant fixations should not be made public. These private-sector outcasts could be rich legitimately if they worked like the Kochs instead of bitching about them.  It’s a point of pride for economic perverts to make life difficult. Consumers simply can’t watch themselves by telling shady outfits to sod off and taking their money with them.  To be fair, crazed conspiracy theories about cabals forcing a hapless public to work and shop at unappealing stores aren’t any worse than claiming subsidies taken from taxpayers help the same involuntary funders.

Life is a negotiation.  That’s bad news for those who have nothing to offer.  But helping feminist studies majors avoid starvation is not our responsibility.  Learn a trade and afford to eat what you’d like. The ability to walk away from a deal is why no monopoly can be maintained, including one on finances.  Competition’s irrepressible ability to deflate bloated corporate goons is a fact no matter what the board game is like. Most liberals learned about the economy from the anti-capitalist snoozefest, when the only real lesson in a fixed-resource game is that they’re bad at money.

The last people on Earth who should be telling others what to do think it’s actually their mandate.  There’s not a soul working in this White House who could get hired in a competitive field.  They’ll run the nation into insolvency.  Then, all these silly little outfits where pathetic humans dream of embarrassing goals like making a little money while helping others will become wholly irrelevant. Now, the country’s consciousness will focus on more important causes like uniting in peace instead of revenue.  Don’t worry about buying things, as you can just take what you need, brother.  Those who loot as much as they can lift from those to whom it belongs are going to create riches.  Who needs to work?

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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