Goals for Sale

Presumptive Republican nominee Jeb Bush… okay, that’s enough.  It’s bad enough to think you can buy results. But the notion is downright frightening for those who blow at making money.  Funding makes any federal program work, according to those who also think more funding convinces people about the first part.  The heavy-handed approach to tactics of persuasion conforms with a belief system which presumes force is for your good.  Submit to the full nelson when you realize you’re blessed.

Wholly decent and wise people who want affordable insurance for all just need to spend enough to let others know that life’s about to be cured. Taxpayers should fund a jingle or rap to air during breaks of beloved programs that will persuade the very same funder that the money’s well-spent. Never mind that people can’t afford crummy plans: the treatment being worse than the disease is only because the promotional budget is too low.

Comprehension must be the reason America is broke and vulnerable despite these phenomenal policies in place.  Pay attention to each word.  Listen again, you dummies, and fall for it like you’re supposed to according to the tenets of advertising.  You’re not being induced properly, which makes America’s inability to thrive despite a sweet presidency your fault.

Personal weakness is a poor base for policies, especially when one presumes everyone else is as malleable.  The free market-freeing inability to resist explains why Democrats are so scared of advertising.  “Evil corporations” is redundant to those who don’t feel humans can dissent. These ad wizards control you by offering items for voluntary purchase you may find useful. Poor automatons have no hope but to obey the sodie pop commercials. Rotted teeth and sore tummies are the only possibility if vendors are permitted to spend in order to let potential consumers know the product exists.

It can’t be that liberals are selling delusional sanctimony to a public that’s finally recognizing that neither is appealing.  No, it must be that rotten Republican businessmen use their blood money from exploiting the poor to twist same robbed folks’ minds into thinking guns can never truly be banned.  The smart class presumes they’re so rational that only conniving lobbying groups can beat them. The NRA magically dumfounds the unwitting public into deciding that guns are indifferent to how they’re used, presumably using a similar spell.

How do we let humans know their nature is all wrong?  People might genuinely dare think individuals have the responsibility to care for themselves, which is why they need to hear again how nobody can act badly while there are implement restrictions.  It’s not that statists’ beliefs revolve around relinquishing control to a collective run by pompous morons: Roger Ailes is just better at brainwashing than whoever drives MSNBC.

In lieu of accomplishments, liberals offer vague conspiracies about sinister people running our lives.  The harebrained theories are particularly rich coming from the same people who are fine with the government shoving you into submission.  They’re not going to be discouraged just because they have zero facts.

Our very sane counterparts spend their days on Twitter stoking fear of the Kochs and their army of gun nuts taking over Castle Greyskull to fulfill the goal of reigning over your lives for profit.  Sinister Republicans supposedly fund a secret underworld of political commenters trained in the art of warping minds to think free exchange benefits voluntary parties.  I’d live in a bigger apartment were it true.

The trouble with the church of government’s congregation is they think others are as easily influenced as they are. It’s bad enough to view humans as such weaklings even before the part where cultists dictate terms to the rest.  Evidence of their susceptibility is lamentably easy to discover.

Increasingly casual friends who incessantly recite leftist talking points on Facebook prove that the best way to compensate for ignorance is self-righteousness. America’s saviors won’t let anything like facts dissuade them from claiming your death via enchanted gun is imminent here in Redneck Country USA.  Memorizing daft stats presented in a meme means understanding an issue. That’s how to maximize that insufferable feeling.

You can say “no” to anyone trying to prompt you otherwise, you know.  The hurt feelings you inflict on the salesman will fade while your resolve strengthens. By contrast, those who visualize Citizens United as a white whale see human animals taking in whatever they’re fed.  They fret about campaign spending due to concerns about others falling for things.  After all, they got suckered by Obama twice. Everyone must be as susceptible to manipulative sales pitches, as it can’t be that they’re the only dupes.  The burger didn’t look like the Wendy’s girl claimed it would, and flattering light should be illegal.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

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