Unfocused Hate

Sharing contempt for a wannabe tyrannical prick offers a nice opportunity to bond.  Sadly, many of those who agree with us are right only by chance.  Liberals will still hate us post-Trump, so don’t be shocked when they aim viciousness back at you any more than that should have been caught off-guard by Obamacare going comatose.  At least well get back to normal, even if that means anyone to the right of Sanders being viewed as a baby formula-stealing war fan.

Don’t forget who Donald’s liberal enemies are now.  Reminding them how many positions they share with the pink marble aficionado is a good way to laugh while bracing. The only thing Democrats despise more than the 69-year-old infant is someone who has dared to have read the Constitution.  I bet every dollar Trump claims he’s made that he never got past the first three words, which he’d tweet as “Whee the people.”

Who knew America had a document that restricted government from ruining everything?  It’s like we don’t have to legally put up with all this. There’s so much in there to learn, chiefly that the government isn’t supposed to be buying you things.  It’s not just a theory Ted Cruz argues: the practical application is why we excelled in the first place.

But don’t tell Trump or Obama fans that they’re after the same untenable goals, except to get them both mad.  Those who curiously think that enabling people to earn their way is a way of pulverizing the poor are going to hate any Republican even if he agrees with Democrats. They still haven’t explained where the money comes from, as presuming it’s been reclaimed from wealthy plunderers is enough to satisfy most.  Trump’s not one of barons regardless of what he claims, so that should take out some of the fun for them.

Sure, Hillary cheerleaders are right that one time about the crude phony.  But liberals will still continue to damn those who want the government bothering terrorists instead of Americans opposed to lame insurance. Their hit list will also continue to include those who favor mean human goals like responsibility. And ISIS can’t destroy us, unlike those who think the fortunate might voluntarily help the destitute. Our our nation’s rulebook doesn’t include the notions they believe, and for good reasons. Self-righteousness is a poor justification for junking everything that’s worked.  But it’s never stopped them.

The only thing more inconvenient than principles is what results from not having them.  The other kind of Trump-haters can’t just disagree with those who think $19 trillion in debt is too much: government cutters are Earth’s greatest villains. And it’s horrid to hold that it might not be America that made, say, Cuba and Iran into cartoonish antagonists.  Kissing dictator backsides is helping our knees feel less sore, not to mention how it improves our self-worth.  Did you know we have a foreign policy of togetherness and not hate?  That’s why you totally don’t cope with the uneasy feeling that someone’s tossing matches through the fireworks factory skylight.

This alliance is unreal.  Properly-limited government endorsers aren’t in league with an eminent domain fan who thinks paying off politicians is how to succeed at business. Like other Democrats, Trump expects handouts.  Don’t lump us in with the lunkhead who only builds destruction.  In fact, don’t lump us in with anyone.  The whole point of conservatism is that nobody speaks for us, especially the tangerine girl-hater.

Life has been made too collective.  Watching people live with regrettable consequences of their decisions is funnier when it doesn’t affect others.  We’re used to hunkering down, but it’d be nice to taste fresh air again soon.  Don’t expect rationality even when it’s safe to leave the bomb shelter: brace for no-information voters conflating an inheritor of success buying favors with genuine entrepreneurs offering products at the best value possible.

Why wouldn’t all Republicans be lumped with Trump?  Sure, he’s not a capitalist.  And he got rich through payoffs.  Also, he hasn’t created anything but fuller landfills thanks to empty Trump Ice bottles.  Other than that, he totally embodies the free market, at least according to caricatures by its enemies.  Deluded souls who think all corporate titans are as nasty and amoral as Trump are the same ones who convinced themselves that eras of prosperity were Dickensian nightmares.  Meanwhile, they think this era of big schemes by small-minded politicians is swell even if they have to wait a few weeks to sell blood plasma again.

Hating success is nothing new.  Those who think voluntary trade harms both parties continue to maintain the warped take that the 1980s were about making poor people suffer.  In reality, the worst thing lower-rung citizens faced was Atari’s Pac-Man. By contrast, last decade’s agony which plagues us through tomorrow was caused by mysterious greedy bankers and not actual identifiable preposterous federal policies. They could at least hate conservatives for the right reasons, but I don’t expect rationality from them soon.

Those who hate real and fake right-wingers alike have unsurprisingly misplaced blame. Every post-Reagan Republican presidential nominee has been less than appealing to conservatives.  Oh, and “Republican” is not a synonym for “conservative,” either.  Backing a statist wannabe tyrant is an odd way of expressing disgust with a party for the crime of not stopping every dumb Barack Obama idea.  If Trump has taught anything, it’s that an (R) next to one’s name doesn’t mean one wants government to shrivel.  He still teaches nothing.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.


Subvert This

The Earth can’t spin fast enough.  Would global warming help make it go? Keep the car running just in case.  One of the things many of us look forward to upon time passing is not hearing about whatever the establishment is anymore.  All we know is everyone who belongs is a dastard, and those listing the roster are never on it.  The problem is you can’t skunk the club without membership.  Anyone who complains of it is it once elected.  But you may have to head to the core to beat the enemy.  Ask Lando, who, spoiler alert, made it back.

Giving up on your beliefs is only bad depending on what you believe. Sellouts should at least get rich off of it; after all, you’re supposed to be selling something.  But we’re all poorer for this particular soul swap. The statists who trade goodies for constituencies are rather dull even for zombies.  Feel free to surrender principles if they’re going to infringe on liberty, as there are some cases where cashing in ideals can save the person pawning them.

Modern posers rail against oversight unless they have enough of it.  This is the baffling and stupid year where people hate the system so much that they align with lunatics who are very much of it.  Whether it’s a fake business titan whose entire unstable persona is based on connections or a crackpot collectivist who would’ve starved if he ever lost an election, it’s beyond tiresome to hear why everything sucks about the behemoth that inflated them.

You can win elections and still hate everything about them. If you’re really up for fighting the power, explain why federal interventions are an affront to free people and explain that a vote to retain it is taking money from our pockets.  Or just call anyone who disagrees a Washington party tool if you’d like to make new friends.

Complaining about the system is a novel approach for those who want nothing but to run it.  And it’s not like we’re waiting for history to happen.  The habitually oppressed are somehow in control now, and for most of the time, actually. The mean system hurt their feelings.  See, they’ll reign over us nicely.  Revenge is only one of their motivations for ruining everything.  Throwing anvils to drowning victims in order to help them swim is just how they make the ocean safer.

It’s hard to debate politics when up is down and George Clooney isn’t smug.  There’s nothing conservative about politicians helping businesses. True free market fans don’t favor the seller: they’re indifferent to how both parties negotiate as long as there’s no fraud.  AT&T overcharging for your phone doesn’t count.  Government should strive to not care how customers buy what they wish from anyone they want at any mutually-acceptable price.  Anyone who thinks favors for a specific concern or industry spur the economy will end up as just another goon managing a henchmen army.

Sure, it’s inherently ironic to dislike government then get elected to it.  Just call it subversive.  It takes discipline to not want more authority. Everyone who lusts after the presidency is an unstable megalomaniacal tyrant in spirit at least a little bit.  But the real ego trip comes in knocking down others.  In politics, most coworkers deserve it, which assuages consciences.

In the case of our putrid government, everyone who’s nudge off the ledge deserves to experience gravity.  A selfless politician is as rare as an Obama success.  Voters just seek a few folks who don’t turn into everything they hated because they’re offered comfort.  Those who trade edginess for settling in end up like David Letterman, and nobody wants to be that joyless.  I had forgotten he hosted a TV show.

Let’s take it down from the inside.  Treat the authority reduction like a suspenseful caper.  It’ll be grand to save the republic while tearing down all this useless junk.  Ending the Department of Education will be even more satisfying than Die Hard’s action scenes.  And this betrayal will be fun, too: dull statists will never be expecting one of their club pals to turn on them.  Sitting alone in the Senate cafeteria is a small price to pay for steering us from financial catastrophe paired with international emasculation.

There’s no reason to be mannerly toward those who rudely ruined our way of life.  Screw gentility, which is just a way of getting the person ripping you off to smile about it.  They don’t make movies about guys who go along with the snobs who supervise the descent.  Be a rebel to impress the right academy, namely everyone who never watches the Oscars.  Hollywood doesn’t need additional attention any more than Manhattan does.

Obeying the Constitution shouldn’t be a radical act.  But today’s leaders must start thinking like the guys who wrote it.  Reading the words with the goal of sticking to them is a fun way to be rebellious.  The alternative just made us weak and busted, which is as uncool as it gets.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

America’s First Day

You try reading the minds of liberals.  It’s exhausting enough trying to figure out why they think their policies help.  The only thing more puzzling than what they believe is why they would.  Big schemers’ imaginations get them in trouble, and not in a fun way like Curious George flying a kite.  Take how they think countless silly federal programs are American.  To them, the Constitution is obsolete while the Department of Education will lead us into the future.  Your retirement’s totally covered, as long as air has calories.

Debate the correct way they’re wrong.  Strongman advocates may genuinely and improperly think government made America swell.  Alternately, semi-dictator fans may loathe this mean country and set out to warp it like Silly Putty pressed against the Sunday funnies.  That’s how folks entertained themselves back in the days when people worked to buy products.

It’s tough to pick a direction.  What’s certain is that old-fashioned sensibilities like liberty and not wanting to assault anyone who thinks differently are being rendered as obsolete as the notion each branch gets its own veto.

We’re in trouble any time more than zero candidates think universal insurance conforms with our values.  Like so many nice ideas, treating a commodity like a right makes life nasty.  Here in America, we like things that work.  Or at least we did.  Antiquated humans used to be nasty enough to believe in helping each other or such selfish claptrap.  Compassionate modern people force assistance by law, which means you never have to be decent by choice.

Let’s get together.  It’s not a request.  Socialize up this dumb place, demand the smart ones who never cracked history textbook spines. The plan is atrocious whether or not advocates think it conforms with American values, but some like to extend the courtesy of pretending.

Don’t worry about the new propensity for more forced sharing: it’s just an utter lack of faith in humanity.  The newfound refusal of anyone stuck on this planet to help each other is an indication of just how much faith statists place in our species. Wholesale lack of trust explains why they chose to worship Washington instead of some hokey religion.  Zookeepers wouldn’t expect upright apes to feed themselves without compulsion, much less help those with less chow in the same cages.

If you want to stay positive, avoid thinking how miserable those who dominate contemporary political wisdom have to be to think that politicians should and can address everyday needs.  We know the answer to be “very.”  To them, security means never having to worry about money, not killing marauders who hope to pave our streets with our corpses.  One is actually your job.

Irksome terrorists won’t accept that we have a loving president who will sit with them in the cafeteria even if they’re not cool enough to deserve it. They’re still plotting to end lives of innocents, who at least won’t die worrying about some mortgage payment.

Straying from independence causes both philosophical conflict and practical failure.  Other than that, taping together America’s shreds is a rousing success.  The notion of electing another executive who unbalances checks is in vogue among those who curiously think spending helps and planning works.  Pondering if the massive taxes and loss of autonomy that accompany soul-sucking authority are worth it will just slow us down.  Just push ahead for progress.

Someone else is keeping you down, according to those who keep voting to tax the economy into prosperity.  There’s good news for those not planning on making a lot of money, as they can just blame those who have it for not sharing.  Besides, decisions are a pain.  Why elect politicians if we have to think for themselves?  The argument isn’t about if the next autocrat should impose tyranny on us for our own good but rather how much.  I’m drinking, too.

Thinking about the what preserves freedom is discouraged in these hectic modern times.  The government should decide for us, according to those who think most TV shows and jokes encourage bigotry.  People are so full of optimism that they’re unable to spend a few seconds learning why this country got to this point, much less if changes will maintain it.  Pondering sounds boring, anyway.  And why fret when life will always be good?  That’s how this universe seems to work.  Just presume this nation keeps trucking forward, especially if we get our own goon.

Antsy control freaks on both sides want to centralize the economy, as concentration will make it good.  “Concentrate” means to think hard, right?  The smartest person will be in charge, with the next-smartest as his assistant, and so forth.  That’s why we have elections: to figure out who has the best IQ.  Let someone else manage our money so we can focus on conquering our Netflix queues and finding Twitter jokes to deem more offensive than the Holocaust.  The worst think about beating down dissenters is how crummy the opinions are for which they fight.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Hating for Togetherness

Forced diversity is really getting the point.  Primitive America was about living on your terms and telling those who disagreed to cram it.  But the more enlightened take on our country’s values is about making everyone respect everyone else.  The law’s involved to relieve the burden of choosing to upset social justice warriors.

To be fair, only those who dare think Iran will go atomic now or that business owners know what customers want more than the president need to change their reactionary outlooks.  Sticking right-wingers in stockades is still frowned upon.  Lunatics shrieking about intolerance at anyone who thinks the wrong things about human traits is punishment enough.

Eliminating ideas the Fairness Brigade think aren’t inclusive enough makes as much sense as anything else that’s gone on since 2009.  Banishing sanity doesn’t leave time for reflection.  Let your very close Facebook friends know you think marriage remains a special ceremony between members of different genders if you’d like to know just how reasonable the purportedly permissive can be.

If those who want to destroy for broadness’s sake seem confused, it’s because they want to think whatever they please while denying the possibility of criticism.  In other words, you shut up.  Backward progressives want complete liberation, which includes nobody ever harming them internally.  Feelings are protected by law.

Did you know things cost money?  Life’s unfair, especially when you’re shopping to mutilate yourself or kill a demanding life inside you. Public money covering despicable or disturbing procedures is how we share collective guilt for the delusions of the few.  The only thing better than murdering babies is billing taxpayers.  Just make those rich thieves pay for the inconvenient products of fun.

Applaud leftists for their commitment to their ideals no matter how wicked.  Well, I guess that just means worse results quicker, but at least it’s with feeling.  The self-righteously amoral moved the bar so they won’t even accept the premise that they might be wading in blood. Now, they get indignant at the idea that anything should come with a bill, including ending the life of a totally not-living being in the name of female independence. Remember that abortion fans who refuse to accept how babies are made believe in science.  All they’re charged for the argument is their souls.

Abortion is liberating.  It’s jokes that hurt.  The presumption that every last innocuous thing is evil in a racist way that hates women has sure made for giddy times.  Every statement, gag, or passing thought is scrutinized like murder evidence by joke-killers.  For them, terminating fun is the most fun moment.

The only thing very open-minded liberals like is making sure others aren’t amusing themselves.  They don’t seem very joyful no matter how much they suck away from others.  Confiscating raunchy wisecracks and large soda pops is less fun than fun itself.  Mandating calorie labels on your containers of your favorite junk food is more urgent to them than living a little with a handful of Fritos.

Making others cope with silliness is how we get along.  Sitting next to a pet on a bus or plane because some modern adult baby needs therapy is the latest trend in legal silliness. It’s not like silly laws to have dangerous effects or anything, but dopes are being empowered in reality by their intellectual equals in the Capitol. Imposing an uncomfortable situation on others is the specialty of those who insist no one punctures their bubbles.  Accommodate them by law while they live as they wish in public.  They’re very selfless.

Nobody is less tolerant than the tolerant.  Stop giggling, as they don’t permit mockery.  Doing as they please is going to infringe on you, but that’s the burden of liberty.  Forcing nuns to buy birth control is just one of the pleasant side effects of mandatory insurance.  Sure, government lowered prices in the same sense Hillary is authentic.  But nobody said coercion would be cheap.  Wait: I checked my notes, and many did proclaim it would be.  Prices were supposed to lower with options.  Unfortunately, there’s a strict no-refund policy, so don’t bother looking through your shoebox of receipts.

Get along or get jailed.  There, you’ll have an even harder time socializing.  It’s little wonder that participating in such idiocy isn’t voluntary.  Liberalism is so great that you must play along. You’re not smart enough to do such non-dumb things on your own, and you’d never help others without the entity that creates so many charity cases acting as an intermediary.  Silencing dissent is the best way to eliminate distractions.  You’d be so unhappy if you knew we didn’t have to be miserable.  Compel the large things, and the small things will take care of declining on their own.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Full Knowledge of Limited Government

Trump closed

Thank Donald Trump for empty boasting and full nonsense, as his buffoonish devotion to the adulation of yokels creates the chance to define conservatism.  For starters, it has nothing to do with statism encased in tacky black glass.  Of course, the few useful things the arrogant failure does are by accident.  But we have to take what we can at a time when someone like him can be popular.

Those who hang around the Republican Party for more than just the lame thrill of dull political spectacle from a boorish casino-closer seek a properly-limited government where human interaction is a byproduct of liberty.  We don’t crave our own bully.  It never hurts to review the basics.  Remedial courses are frustrating for those in advanced placement, so how about everyone starts paying attention so we can all be on the same chapter, please? Anyone who matriculated at Trump University should stay late for tutoring.

I have just the creepy dolt for you to worship if you’re tired of the quest to not be bothered.  Trump is nothing more than a crude caricature of a conservative businessman. His obsession with superficial trappings of success is as boring as the thuggish way he boasts of buying off politicians. Worst of all, too many sadly think this is what the opposition to liberalism is.  Small-government fans don’t want sellers favored over buyers: they favor neutrality. Flaunting wealth has nothing more to do with free markets than bribing incumbents. Both are Trump Inc. specialties. Genuine entrepreneurs peddle something more than an unpleasant last name spelled out in hideous gold.

The centerstage sideshow isn’t worth a ticket.  I’m tired of thinking about what the constant failure believes, especially since I’ve spent more time thinking about it that he has. Trump is a liberal in the sense he believes anything that gives his purchased allies power is good.  It’s too bad the 69-year-old brat can’t fake his way through issues as he thinks. Evasiveness when he knows nothing is a nice break from him tonguing audiences.  But it may be just about time to note his enthusiastic embrace of power.  You can call it conservatism if you like being wrong.  The only thing worse than him lying is the fact he might believe it.

I hate those other guys because they’re not our guys.  Some in politics don’t even realize why they’re on the team they are. All they know is that they want to punish the other side.  That nasty impulse works better in sports.  A party is a somewhat convenient method for electing candidates with worthwhile ideas.  We cut and run as soon as it stops functioning like that.  By contrast, Stubby Donald demands blind loyalty, which is expected from someone whose sole idea is that he’s great despite evidence.

Every coerced donation to a politician in order to proceed with commerce raises prices.  Entrepreneurs shouldn’t have to waste what’s ultimately consumers’ money buying favors.  But that’s the only way the economically inept can advance.  Among countless other problems, there’s nothing conservative about groveling before an elected dunce who’s never created anything other than intimidation in order to get something done.  Official approval to engage in business is too often part of the cost. Trump likes it because pocketing a senator is easier than competing.

The question of just how to make America great again is too advanced.  Just rage out at anyone who’s ever won an election, says the man very much not running a cult.  It’s the Establishment that’s the bad guy, not Xenu.  You’ll get things if you back the right strongman, claims the man inadvertently demonstrating what a cargo cult is. At least Jonestown residents got outdoor time.

Know why you’re cheering.  The orange person’s empty endorsement of the red, white, and blue is the kind of brainless patriotism that makes us look bad both as Americans and humans.  Those who genuinely admire the country and know why have a grasp of which things suck and how to fix them.  The broad principle is universal: stop bothering us.  On that note, don’t try to recruit a better botherer.  Based on this particular goon’s tenuous grasp of constitutional law and English, he can’t even harass people proficiently.

Conservatism is merely the recognition that humans should be free to negotiate.  I’ll feel the Bern before I let my ideology be connected to worship of a hateful little man whose only product is braggadocio.  As with his devotees, Trump needs to learn why an unpleasant attitude leads to bad bargains.  I never thought that’d be an issue.  Of course, I’m shocked ignorance is a virtue, but 2016 is full of fun regressive retro trends.  It’s sadly unsurprising this is a culture where a Full House reboot is embraced.

The response to eight Obama years doesn’t have to be as brutish as he’s been.  The sequel could be even worse.  Trump’s out to glorify himself when his supporters should want a president whose name they’ll forget.  They could have sought a leader who trusts them to be left to their own means.  But they’re consistent about surrendering their right to make decisions, which coincides with their chintzy messiah’s dedication to favoritism, nepotism, and legal graft.  A man who’s open about making payoffs is the last guy who’ll stand for self-sufficiency.

Unrestrained productivity is infinitely more fulfilling than crossing names off a revenge list.  Instead of seeking to torment dissenters by nominating a fuming clown who’d be doomed in November anyway, get back at liberals by dismantling their irksome framework.  Their pathetic attempt to manage every contingency will topple like a toothpick tower.  We can rebuild with lumber we buy, at least for those not connected to four bankruptcies. Liberty means having to work for success, which is why Donald hates it.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Torn Down Over Budget

Radical change is normal, which is itself radical.  I feel abnormal. America’s transformation under just one crummy president is breathtaking in scope, especially considering he has a demonstrated track record of being horrid at achieving anything useful.  It’s easier to smash a window than build new ones, which facilitates the mission of destruction.  Zealots who have never known callouses aren’t much for manual labor, so policy replaces sledgehammers.  The effect of disapproving what industrious adults constructed is the same whether it’s literal or figurative.

The word “gender” was not banned at publication time, although I may still be retroactively brought up on charges once the Genitalia Neutralization Patrol gets its will forced through via executive order.  They’re big on Twitter.  Don’t you dare forget women and men are the same even when they’re in different careers.  The seemingly differently-shaped humans are also identical when it comes to firefighters lifting victims out of burning homes, but only women are allowed to opine on what constitutes baby murder because of their equipment.  Also, those with male equipment may be chicks.

Only dumb dudes are confused over each day’s new rules about what’s offensive regarding noticing the difference between those who can grow beards and those born with feelings.  Be ready for a war if you don’t think the pretty gender is suited for combat. Noting it’s natural for men to shoot each other over territory is actually respectful because the curvy ones are more useful.  Bearing children trumps the replaceable male role in creating them.  But muscle mass is a sexist percentage, as is noting only males are good at calculating it.

Also, you hate people who love people with the same friction bits.  Where’s the line today?  The sure thing is that you’ll be pushed farther in the corner for using language to accurately express ideas.  Dare to point out that gays were banned from the military because attraction during combat affects readiness if you’d like to be treated worse than America’s enemies.  And please don’t dare say that marriage should have been kept the same, as the winners are still sore. Anyone shunned for calling a mentally ill person “tranny” should know the economy’s in good hands controlled by sober minds.

Begging for spankings from Earth’s villains is unbecoming of anyone, much less Earth’s bouncer.  But now America apologizes for black eyes administered to belligerent drunks.  Under current perfectly twisted international morality, the State Department presumes global scum like Cuba and Iran were bad without provocation.  Our cruelty was what made them into angry hotheads, you understand.  Why were we so mean after evil men took over and threatened to coat our sidewalks with our guts?

Don’t say anything cruel about those who fantasize about hitting you with a missile, as it could sink the peace process.  Impulse control isn’t a specialty in more advanced people’s republics, although we should whisper that for fear of making them feel even more oppressed.  As with ignoring both words of “criminal justice,” this White House believes bad guys are pushed into nefariousness by the oppressive ruling structure forced into place by the good guys, who you recall are actually bad.

You’ll get used to the aches.  Economic dependence is a permanent life feature, according to those who got us hooked on dope.  The thoroughness of crappiness would be impressive if it didn’t cost a fortune in treasure and comfort.  Everyone likes watching buildings implode as long as they don’t have to clean up the rubble.  We’re residing in the piles.

Aside from how it doesn’t resemble America, the new country’s pretty great, aside from how it’s not.  As with the Star Wars prequels, our country is now America in Name Only.  Unlike the old version, we’re stuck with what’s here, or so they’d have you think.  The administration’s goal is to make us so despondent that we don’t see the way out, so at least they’ve had one success.

These zombies are not the best suicide counselors, especially since they’re on the shore yelling for bridge pedestrians to jump.  Trying to get America to off itself is only for greater goals, as they’ll try to rebuild the corpse.  The Six Million Dollar Man would cost sixteen trillion and die once more on a waiting list, but at least we won’t be so Islamophobic anymore.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Unfair and You Decide

While it hurts to be abandoned by people who promised to stand with us, we’ve been on our own before.  Conservative media is disintegrating like the risible belief that Donald Trump is a self-made man. Selling that egregious fib about a miserable vulgarian out to seize power in the most classless way imaginable is at the core of why we must now balance the news on our own.  The news improvement project is less convenient, but do-it-yourself projects create a sense of accomplishment.  And you can trust the work you do, unlike having Greta pour your foundation.

Trump’s best deal was buying Fox News for nothing. Our former cable home has been around long enough to abandon its principles if you want to feel old. We once counted on billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch’s broadcasting wing to hold people accountable.  Now, we have to reciprocate. At least the once-fair lineup taught us how to counter inane narratives before they decided that giving conservatives a voice wasn’t as profitable as promoting an unprofitable buffoon from the next block over.

If nothing else, the lesson from what Fox was remains to be skeptical. The channel which has made Trump a cohost for every show never expected we’d use their own weapons against them, which explains why their influence is as weak as Sean Hannity’s ability to turn down an hour in his dim pal’s pink marble fortress. We need a brokered convention on hosts.  It’s easier to note which chair-fillers should stay than which should go.  I’d rather watch Twitter for news no matter how nasty those social justice whiners are to people who want less debt.  That’s at least the case until FNC heeds my anchor suggestions. Iowahawk would be as entertaining at 10 p.m. Eastern as Sean is mortifying.

The only way to get through today’s dumb and scary trends is to know we’ll soon all laugh at those who fell for a bitchy faux tyrant.  It’s redundant to explain for the billionth time why there’s not a damn conservative thing about the sausage-fingered trust fund brat. But you’ll have to turn off the news to get the news.  As with electing Obama twice, those who thought a blowhard deserved scrutiny have been shouted down by those with no reasonable arguments of which to speak. Take comfort in knowing the erstwhile cable news favorite of conservatives will never live it down any more than the cultists they serve.

As for a one-man soul-seller, Trump lackey Rush Limbaugh can sod off for all the times I objected to people calling him a mere entertainer.  For one, there’s nothing entertaining about him.  Who thinks it’s good radio for the most established host imaginable to claim he’s fighting for outsiders by lauding a bribing charlatan? Thinking such programming is enjoyable explains why Two and a Half Men was on the air for so long.

The gasbag’s descent into Trumpian madness is particularly disappointing on a personal level, as I listened to him when I first got into politics, I whispered. Sure, it was ages ago and only for about as long as college kids get into drugs, but I want to be more honest than he’s become.  Hearing someone articulate why the government shouldn’t bother us was a revelation to a young person who was already into being left alone.  I’ll always remain thankful for the contrast he emphasized during the Gulf War between Americans who were, well, pro-American and rude scum who shrieked about how rotten we were for freeing a country invaded by a global jerk.

But his influence died along with virtual pets.  I tuned away when the show became more about him than conservatism, which means I didn’t last long.  My boredom with Limbaugh’s three-hour daily ego trip led to the odd situation where conservatives would defend him from liberal attacks while I felt like joining neither.  Still, I sided with his listeners in theory, at least until now.  My empathy with people who tune in for a pompous endorsement of a fellow loudmouth is disappearing more quickly than my respect for Laura Ingraham.  I should thank whoever endured his show to let the world know what a Trump shill he’s become.

It’s amazing how the revolutionary apparatus become everything they despised.  I just wish there was a broader lesson for the country. Anyway, the network that broke the monopoly now must itself be toppled.  Conservatives need to turn elsewhere, which the 2001 version of me would’ve dismissed like talk that Google would dominate without search categories. Powering down the TV seems like it may leave you behind the times, but it’ll actually help you advance.  Browse about the device on which you’re reading this for updates from the world instead.

Nobody speaks for conservatives.  That’s the whole point.  That said, it is nice to find ideological allies.  Now, it’s far easier to pick those you admire.  You had to memorize which number Fox News a decade ago to find opinions to the right of Bernie that were virtually unaired elsewhere.  But there are too many options thanks to the endless information accessed through the ether.  Setting up your own newsfeed is the best option for those tired of explaining why, say, Ann Coulter is a shrill harpy who represents nothing about you.  Ignoring who claims to represent your beliefs is the best way to defeat stereotypes, and you luckily have the cyber tools.

As with successful businesses, Trump didn’t create division. He just inadvertently exposed the cracks.  I never thought we’d need a right-wing alternative to Fox News.  But their endless video Valentine to a grating poser over on Fifth Avenue has shown they’re interested in whatever gets attention, not actually representing a half-fair debate.  Conservatives just want a fair hearing, which isn’t an option while a leftist posing as a Republican has a cable public relations agency.

All the cultists who warn of an apocalypse caused by some nefarious force called The Establishment have by chance done us a favor: we don’t feel compelled to defend silly people just because they happen to align with our votes.  They cast differently now, anyway.  Those seduced by a strongman instead of the prospect of liberty are begging to be dominated.  Sadly, some of those submissives who are impressed by the goon are in position to give him free airtime.

Impressed yokels may think they’re being clever by promoting the clown car tour.  But the spike strip approaches.  Once the fad fades, Uncle Rupert’s Fan Club is going to be surprised at their remaining audience’s lack of earning power.  After paying back student loans to get a doctorate from Trump University, there’s not much left to buy Life Alert monitoring.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.