Radical change is normal, which is itself radical. I feel abnormal. America’s transformation under just one crummy president is breathtaking in scope, especially considering he has a demonstrated track record of being horrid at achieving anything useful. It’s easier to smash a window than build new ones, which facilitates the mission of destruction. Zealots who have never known callouses aren’t much for manual labor, so policy replaces sledgehammers. The effect of disapproving what industrious adults constructed is the same whether it’s literal or figurative.
The word “gender” was not banned at publication time, although I may still be retroactively brought up on charges once the Genitalia Neutralization Patrol gets its will forced through via executive order. They’re big on Twitter. Don’t you dare forget women and men are the same even when they’re in different careers. The seemingly differently-shaped humans are also identical when it comes to firefighters lifting victims out of burning homes, but only women are allowed to opine on what constitutes baby murder because of their equipment. Also, those with male equipment may be chicks.
Only dumb dudes are confused over each day’s new rules about what’s offensive regarding noticing the difference between those who can grow beards and those born with feelings. Be ready for a war if you don’t think the pretty gender is suited for combat. Noting it’s natural for men to shoot each other over territory is actually respectful because the curvy ones are more useful. Bearing children trumps the replaceable male role in creating them. But muscle mass is a sexist percentage, as is noting only males are good at calculating it.
Also, you hate people who love people with the same friction bits. Where’s the line today? The sure thing is that you’ll be pushed farther in the corner for using language to accurately express ideas. Dare to point out that gays were banned from the military because attraction during combat affects readiness if you’d like to be treated worse than America’s enemies. And please don’t dare say that marriage should have been kept the same, as the winners are still sore. Anyone shunned for calling a mentally ill person “tranny” should know the economy’s in good hands controlled by sober minds.
Begging for spankings from Earth’s villains is unbecoming of anyone, much less Earth’s bouncer. But now America apologizes for black eyes administered to belligerent drunks. Under current perfectly twisted international morality, the State Department presumes global scum like Cuba and Iran were bad without provocation. Our cruelty was what made them into angry hotheads, you understand. Why were we so mean after evil men took over and threatened to coat our sidewalks with our guts?
Don’t say anything cruel about those who fantasize about hitting you with a missile, as it could sink the peace process. Impulse control isn’t a specialty in more advanced people’s republics, although we should whisper that for fear of making them feel even more oppressed. As with ignoring both words of “criminal justice,” this White House believes bad guys are pushed into nefariousness by the oppressive ruling structure forced into place by the good guys, who you recall are actually bad.
You’ll get used to the aches. Economic dependence is a permanent life feature, according to those who got us hooked on dope. The thoroughness of crappiness would be impressive if it didn’t cost a fortune in treasure and comfort. Everyone likes watching buildings implode as long as they don’t have to clean up the rubble. We’re residing in the piles.
Aside from how it doesn’t resemble America, the new country’s pretty great, aside from how it’s not. As with the Star Wars prequels, our country is now America in Name Only. Unlike the old version, we’re stuck with what’s here, or so they’d have you think. The administration’s goal is to make us so despondent that we don’t see the way out, so at least they’ve had one success.
These zombies are not the best suicide counselors, especially since they’re on the shore yelling for bridge pedestrians to jump. Trying to get America to off itself is only for greater goals, as they’ll try to rebuild the corpse. The Six Million Dollar Man would cost sixteen trillion and die once more on a waiting list, but at least we won’t be so Islamophobic anymore.
Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.