Smugness for Sale

Dumb Starbucks

I just want to buy coffee.  After all, I am a human being and thus cannot function without it.  If you’re capable of going about your day without Earth’s most valuable resource, please shed your fake fleshy packaging and return to your lizard planet.  Regardless, those of us native to this world often get a lecture along with the caffeine dose required to live, which is a violation of our right to not be bothered by a crusading company while still cranky.

Serving a Selfrighteousaccino dispels the notion that enterprises are dominated by malicious right-wingers.  An unnerving number of retailers operate as if feeling the Bern is too conservative.  The only non-leftist company seems to be Chick-fil-A, which keeps Christian values to themselves unless politeness counts.

Pursuing policies that shackle the free market is a shortsighted embodiment of downturn.  We should note ominous indicators.  It’s a bad sign that conglomerates think outward leftism is popular.  Of course, the economy sucks, so maybe those who think exchanging cash for an item should be accompanied by a brochure about whitey’s latent racism need lessons in return.

Most people turn to sports leagues for moral guidance.  Still, the NFL should fix their busted head problem before telling states they should stop respecting consciences. The recent intimidation of Georgia over their willingness to consider an ultimately vetoed bill designed to acknowledge that some are unenthusiastic about gay marriage is much worse than the trifling conduct that draws unsportsmanlike penalty calls in the NFL’s frustrating competitions. Only the league is allowed to play rough.

The usual preeners couldn’t stand for federalism, especially in the name of true diversity.  Apple and Disney joined in the dirty competition against the Peach State, which is particularly galling of companies known for indulging in horrors like Chinese labor and It’s a Small World, respectively.  Manufacturing hypocrisy is a contemporary specialty.  I’m sure everyone hassling Mississippi won’t do business with Muslim countries, either.  Just joking: it’s not like hanging gays is worse than a Hattiesburg florist thinking men marry women.

It’s shocking today, but business schools used to teach that pushing politics on the public was rude and unprofitable.  Offending people who have money is just one way liberal vendors ensure their customer service bites.  Everyone out for an apolitical transaction has their personal list of sanctimonious offenders.  JetBlue has turned from a fun outlaw into just another crummy airline as their social media decided it needed to pimp causes.  Also, customer service at Caesars has declined while they’ve decided to push what they think marriage is, but I’m sure an Atlantic City casino can afford to be divisive.  And Chipotle’s Twitter account was gross long before became a petri dish.  Why focus on products?

The illusion that companies are inherently GOP hives is as flimsy as the GDP.  But this is also the era of not learning.  Therefore, Bernie Sanders Fan Club enlistees will continue to demonize the multinational conglomerates who support their leader’s policies. Whether for show or out of foolish partisanship, many ventures opt for suicidal lobbying.  The cool outposts posting rainbow avatars last summer never bothered to consider if the Supreme Court was considering something other than whether or not love was legal.  It doesn’t necessarily take a genius to sell t-shirts.  American Apparel still struggles to do it.

To be fair, some corporate entities only pursue liberal policies out of selfishness.  But I thought they wanted to help others.  Executives see legislative protection as a practical matter, not an ideological one.  Buying favors from politicians is ultimately a money-saver. Take how statist legend Donald Trump bribed his way into whatever meager success he didn’t inherit. It beats competing.  Others try to be as corrupt with varying success, depending on your definition.

Meanwhile, some sellers want to save us from the danger provided by competitors succeeding.  Putting others out of business with regulatory burdens is one way to appear high-minded while issuing low blows to upstarts who can’t afford a piece of paper proclaiming that the government lets them, say, cut hair.  Or maybe noted right-wing commerce hive Walmart supported Obamacare because they wanted everyone to have insurance.

There are better ways to illustrate consumer interaction that being a jerk to dissenters.  Companies now think their mission is to punish states that note humans don’t have to participate in what they decline to believe is a wedding.  And I thought the goal was to make cash. Those who think smug extortion represents the free market are undoubtedly the same misguided souls railing against bankers instead of subprime mortgages.

It’s deflating to realize how many executives are confused leftists for those who thought profitable emporiums would be obvious allies in the cause of an unrestrained America.  The real Buffett Rule is that commercial successes can be idiots at everything else.  Mike Bloomberg has spent his life obeying it.

As is usually the case these days, lessons are inadvertent.  Companies selling you messages unwittingly reinforce the notion that conservatives are pro-business, not pro-businesses.  Devotion to enterprise means indifference to the transaction. Figure it out yourselves, whether you’re looking to sell at the highest price or buy at the lowest.

It sucks that there’s only one place to shop.  If that’s not the case, the disgusted are in luck.  Those opposed to scoldings from a seller about why the only thing more evil than genetically modified organisms is the notion that marriage involves two genders can patronize places down the block.  It’s not even that you have to agree: it’s that arrogant merchants think they’re anointed with moral authority by virtue of their ability to peddle goods adeptly.  Selling sanctimony brings diminishing returns.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at

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