Trade Fairly

You have to earn if you want to have nice things.  I’m so sorry.  The very definition of what success is eludes us, with suitably unsuccessful results.  Achievements can’t be handed out or mandated, although that doesn’t stop society’s wisest from attempting to award them to all.  Yeah, goals will certainly keep their value if everyone gets them.

You’d think humans would’ve learned that there’s no option on the ballot for comfort, and voting for anyone who offers it will just make life harsher.  But the lava may taste like cherry sodie pop the next time, so scoop a handful again with the limb that’s not burned off.

Earning a raise is as obsolete as denying bad guys nukes.  Atomic and financial unfairness still plague our cruel world. Still, we can at least punish those who hire people.  There is no greater crime than training the unskilled to be productive enough to have self-worth while paying their own expenses.  Sufficiency is decadent, kulak.

Actual productivity doesn’t occur by ordering it, so I order that to stop.  Those who think that all prosperity takes is a higher pay rate only ensure the moving men get to schlep more boxes into their new mansions.  You’ll be paid 15 dollars per hour to work at the job you can’t find. Governors daft enough to think riches follow overpaying cashiers inadvertently hasten the age of the machines.  Welcome to the future, where your politeness won’t keep a machine earning zero dollars per hour from terminating your job.

Those whose drawers never add up boast about the purported compassion involved in ludicrous starting pay for register jockeys. Well, we have to compensate for how none of them now work.  Everyone would be well-off if anyone was hiring.  Since the higher minimum wage eliminates employment, we’ll have to increase welfare spending.  Don’t you have a heart?

Offering labor or a product that others want to buy seems unfair to idlers. For a loud example, Donald Trump fears changes to a system where he can profit from purchasing politicians.  He certainly won’t get wealthy from his shady companies. It’s good he didn’t just run to pump up his ego, or else others might start thinking he had selfish motives.  I hate to be so cynical.

Sadly, the son of an actually successful developer isn’t the only privileged twerp who wants to shove you around to compensate for personal failure.  Hillary should be in prison, if only for being so rich despite being wholly unskilled.  Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders is best suited to demand spare change from bus terminal patrons, not putting his list of demonized businessmen in FBI hands.  All strive to meet the precedent set by Barack Obama getting rich bitching that the country where he did so prevents it from happening. Notice there are no skills deployed other than suckering the system. All of them will shriek extensively about how rich bastards are exploiting you.  They are exceptions.

Tricking enough people into relaxing while others earn is the ultimate Ponzi scheme.  It’s legal, so don’t call 911.  Karma is the punishment. Take how those supposedly joyous minimum wage hikes leads to fewer workers doing the same work, which is a tiring way to learn about unintended consequences. The preening idiots who created woe are easy to spot as the ones who think you can’t manage to negotiate a raise.

Not thinking ahead or at all is an old problem.  The sense that this is a particularly stupid era is not unfounded, although it’s important to remember that humanity’s refusal to flip on brain switches is not special.  It’s easier in these modern rocket times to trick the public thanks to satellites, which is not even a Ron Paul mind wave conspiracy.

Modern man finds the glowing screen light comfy like a campfire that can Shazam unknown tunes for you.  People have always been dim; it just happens more instantly now.  Human sponges who soak up misinformation on social media are untouched by sun rays.

Elected idiots who become intimately involved with your life undoubtedly know what’s best for you, so that’s a relief.  The only thing worse than their harebrained blueprints is their audacious eagerness to blame ensuing failures on the lack of regulation.  They’ll need more control to compensate for gluing their fingers together.  Giving them slightly more power over us is a small price for bliss.  All that needs to happen know is for everything they promise to come true, so the hard work’s over.

Every supermarket offers a dozen good barbeque sauces, while every election offers two lousy choices.  The lack of pleasant options shows how politics differs from the free market.  So, it’s obviously greedy businessmen who made you poor.  Punish owners until they pay you more.  They owe you for reasons that are too important to articulate rationally.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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