Disagree to Agree

If everyone concurs, there’s nothing worthwhile being discussed.  That’s the only thing to which everyone can agree.  Treat the exception as ironically amusing instead of confusing.  Any stance with universal acceptance has to be diluted to make it palatable for all. Reasonable folks think it’s possible to gain consensus about a seemingly agreeable subject like pizza toppings before realizing there are disturbed freaks who think pineapple goes with mozzarella and tomato sauce.  Never forget there is evil in the world.

It’s inevitably bad sign when someone thinks there’s no opposition to any statement that doesn’t refer to the moral status of Nazis.  They were bad, for the record.  A sliver of Trump’s fan club officers may disagree, but we’re excluding them from both polite society and this discussion.  Searching for bipartisanship may result in forgetting that one side wants silly things.  Disagreement is preferable to agreeing on sugary concoctions.  It’s tough to enjoy sweets after your teeth fall out.

Liberals need to fudge the statements in order to get sympathy.  Take the sneaky way they make unemployment fall by making people so sad that they don’t even look for work anymore. Why have positions that create prosperity when you can just convince others that you’re amazing?  It’s easier and requires less damage to pride.  All it costs is productivity.

Our ever-tolerant friends have concluded their views are the only reasonable ones, which is a novel way of achieving unity.  Note those who’ve amusingly determined their side is the only correct one.  At least they make it obvious that you should avoid them. Twisted phrasing is concurrent with a lack of worthwhile outcomes.  Are you against affordable health care for all?

Discussing gay marriage would be more pleasant without the cool new notion that everyone opposed is a lesbian-kicking scum.  It’s possible to not hate homosexuals while wanting to retain matrimony as a ceremony between opposing genders.  Presuming that contempt for men who like men is the same as thinking matrimony is a special ceremony between a man and woman is making our time extra pleasant. Banish those who note there may have been good reasons why weddings had rules about the participants.  Then, hold a civil discussion.

The contemporary conclusion is that anyone who likes the old ways of 2010 must hate equality, which is a fun way to bring all together.  Try reasoning with someone who conflates homophobia and civilization’s former understanding of weddings if you want to convince yourself that conservatives should start a new republic on Mars.  Liberals can keep the planet they screwed up.

Let’s try to figure things out while we’re stuck on this stupid world.  We could help each other through spending on what everyone else has to offer, whether it be labor or goods.  But there’s no need when money just appears as grants.  Handouts are a gift from Washington like your tax refund.  Still, there’s the nagging sense that an unlimited money fountain may actually not make us as rich as hoped.  Shouldn’t we have been fitted for monocles by now?

You know, you can do this yourself.  I’d wager you’d purchase nicer items than your representative would with the same money and at far better value.  Also, there’s the mystery of who pays for federal intervention.  If it’s not you, it’s someone who may have hired you.  Taking from present rich people or future grandchildren may not be a universal cure even if it was promoted that way.

Did you know war is bad?  It hurts.  The explosions may harm yourself or your stuff.  That’s why the Democratic Party’s goal is to ensure we’re never arrogant again, as that means peace.  Sure, evil exterior forces may attack, and there may be shots exchanged between factions, but that doesn’t mean we have to call it a war.  The most important battle of those who think feelings are war’s greatest victim is against the tyranny of semantics.

By contrast, those fighting platitudes note that peace comes through scaring bad guys, not trying to befriend them.  Let’s keep lots of death rays and flying aircraft carriers around in the hopes that their operators get bored at not getting to use them.  Be as brutal as possible if we must resort to conflict. The one thing worse than not fighting jerks is them fighting us.  Nobody likes it, but not everybody likes us.  Remind international villains that they’re the bastards here before they get too cocky.

Inattentiveness brings us to common ground.  The phony unifiers display perfect combination of self-righteousness and ignorance that’s make what could be a comfortable moment into a fearfully soulless time.  It’s easier to pretend there’s no legitimate opposition than learn why so many are legitimately opposed.  The only things liberals manufacture are twisted words.  Business is sadly booming.

As with easy listening music that everyone hates, forced communality ticks off everyone listening.  This is the Barry Manilow of political eras. The government could at least buy us screwdrivers to shove in our ears.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns athttps://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Lowercase Capitalism

capitalism

Buying what you like with what you’ve accumulated is despised if you’re wondering why you have that declining feeling.  Welcome to the dwindling republic.  I’m tired of knowing what a Kardashian is.  It’d feel much worse to mock the stupid if they weren’t so self-righteous.  They’re the ones making Melissa McCarthy a star whether or not we like it, and we definitely don’t.  The only relief is the inability to afford absurdly pricey tickets.  Rejecting capitalism stands at the apex of proud stupidity.  Reject math, negotiation, and free will while you’re at it.  Modern man is trying his hardest.

Only people coasting on the effort of forefathers would feel entitled to condemn a term for buying things.  Americans giving up American things is a new national pastime.  We didn’t lose a war, or at least not the stereotypical shooting kind.  It’s just that our way was defeated.  All it took was enough unpleasant humans thinking that people buying or working are being exploited.  Wars are just how capitalists profit off misery blah blah.  Victors dictating the terms should be happier.  Their lives would feel purposeful if they had a job to go to every weekday.

We have to defend the lack of interference that enabled success.  So, that’s why everyone is cranky.  The free market is nothing more than a series of offers you may accept or decline.  That’s really mean to the eternally oppressed.  But I still suspect it’s hard to rip off those who can take their cash or labor elsewhere.  People do have to compete, which is quite a downside for those without skills or opposed to exertion.  Business competition is reminiscent of those icky sports teams who recreate battle.  True social justice compassion lies in joining the audio/visual club.

Figuring the successful must’ve grifted is the key to a happy life.  People who have it stole it, according to well-adjusted folks who are very fun during social gatherings.  The actuality of receiving value for a trade is too fulfilling to those who think success consists of nothing more than hoarding by pirates.

A system where you’re free to offer what you have for what you’d like sounds idealistic in its hardworking way.  But it’s far easier to be handed goods.  Unfortunately, the confiscatory process softens the muscles and brains of recipients. Access to stuff is a moral right in failed states worldwide.

Students don’t need to be stupid.  I committed sundry unconscionable drunken acts on campus for which I’d apologize if I could track down the victims, but at least I never thought I needed a safe space from merchants.  Contemporary brats should open the textbooks bought by whoever padded their trust funds and at least try to grasp how much absolute damn misery the economic utopia they favor has caused.

Socialism means losing liberty, but at least everyone’s poor.  Let’s at least pretend we want the government to keep its grubby mitts off us.  Don’t want to be controlled?  Rejecting a system designed to irritate people into submission is a good start.

Ignorance isn’t as scary as sobering knowledge.  Capitalism’s enemies either don’t know what it is or think they can’t make it.  Opposing selfishness is easy for those who aren’t good at anything.  Instead, learn nothing more than to rage at anyone who notes freedom involves the right to work your ass off, not to keep it on the couch.  A lack of command means having to meet one’s own material needs, which is unacceptable to people who count on getting cash for birthdays to pay cell phone bills.

I’m really glad we spent so much of capitalism’s byproduct to defeat communism.  People who respect the pronoun “I” have spent a century or so standing up to the most pernicious affront to human dignity ever concocted.  No, it’s not having to negotiate overtime with your boss.  Attempts to collectivize individuals are why middle fingers were invented.

Don’t plan on earning for another dang term.  The ruinous schemes that have typified Obamanomics would be exacerbated under Premier Hillary or Comrade Bernie if intensity will make pain feel nice.  Fake capitalist Trump would try to bully the economy into shininess, with Trump Plaza-style results. The notion that your property is dangerous in your hands is as discredited as alchemy.  But don’t bother telling those who think wealth can be created out of idleness.

Forget trying to explain why you laugh at the notion that mandatory sharing embodies kindness, as those who use words like “xenophobia” sincerely are immune to irony.  The actual selfish people are socialists who demand access to what others earned.  There’s your plot twist.  There’s good news if you deal with misery by giggling. Unfortunately, rueful laughter doesn’t make trading any easier. Black market vendors don’t accept a knowing smirk as currency.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Raging the Wrong Way

How dare you.  Referring to a human as a male just because of an Adam’s apple and bulging junk is a crime on par with wanting to get people off welfare.  Too many asylum inmates worry about feelings being hurt instead of the nation being wounded.  Innocent remarks that shouldn’t ache in the slightest are now treated as mortal offenses.  Meanwhile, actual gore gets ignored. America’s going to croak from gangrene as the doctors bicker about what gender is.

There are no greater crimes than reciting passages from the Constitution or pointing out people are born with naughty parts.  All the innocents supposedly serving life sentences for eating pot brownies should be released so we can fill prisons with committers of hate crimes like those who think taxation rots incentive.  This is the new criminal justice reform.

Misplaced outrage is the best kind.  Sure, it’s tiresome to get yelled at by women’s studies majors who’ve never studied women.  But that’s the price of progress.  If you’ve noticed the rot makes the foundation shaky, you are undoubtedly aware at how many fellow citizens get upset at fake slights, not destruction of precious values.  Freak out at those who accurately point out what sort of deluded ideals actually mess up the country if you’d like to feel less alone.

There should be fewer arguments now that everyone who laments the state of intellectual discourse in the Kardashian States has been muzzled. Telling anyone who dissents to shut the hell up is a novel approach to tolerance.  Our inferior moral superiors think they hold the only views that aren’t evil and bigoted, which means only they may speak freely.  It’s nearly a neat trick, although not one that will end chronic unemployment.

Shouting down everyone who thinks putting more people on benefits causes harm is a new national pastime.  Massive spending without result continues to grow for mysterious reasons.  Those whose only form of productivity is outrage think that everyone in legitimate business employs similar contortions in order to profit.  Now that’s a lack of empathy.

Let’s be offended that someone born a man is referred to by a male name. Oh, Iran’s pushing the hands forward on its atomic clock while our debt countdown ticks.  We’re too busy trying to remember what not to call people despite their parts to notice.  Remember that humans born attracted to other genders, but not born with your gender.  This is tricky to track, so please don’t holler at me for treating the different sexes as they were from humanity’s beginning until this week.

Merely suggesting that the science may be a bit off is enough to be branded a hateful Hitler.  Meanwhile, experiments conclude that debt might crush us if atomic mullahs doesn’t get to it first.  At least we’ll be free from one threat.  It’s a fun dash to see what won’t destroy us.  Oh, right: we’ll be destroyed, which is bad for everyone no matter what gender they think they may be.  I may risk banishment to an intolerant Red State by pointing this out, but there’s an easy self-visual check to learn.  The real concern should be how hard it is to find work and thrive no matter what parts individuals admit are connected.

Fascist bullying is for unity.  The Tolerance Death Squads wandering our streets and campuses are quite eager to condemn others for what the targets purportedly don’t accept.  Pointless semantics offer a fun distraction from the astounding personal ignorance of antisocial and unjust social justice lunatics.  Not knowing the ninja stars hurt fails to make having one embedded in one’s skull less painful.

The sanctimoniously ignorant possess zero understanding of free markets, other than how peddling is mean and allows people who want items or money to be exploited.  Founders didn’t even feel the need to define retail interactions.  They presumed we were capable of engaging in commerce and negotiation.  That promise still rings true today no matter how many citizens seem incapable of feeding themselves. Americans vote at U-Haul supposedly bigoted states gain electoral votes as they stop bothering people.  Meanwhile, open-minded states tax businesses until they close.  But it’s cruel to track patterns.

Letting people buy their own things provides freedom in a way banning phrases like “illegal immigrant” never will.  Accuracy is now irrelevant. Not enough offense is taken at the government telling anyone of any orientation they have to buy crummy insurance as a punishment for existing.  We can work out the pronouns later.  I know “we” may be unacceptable.

The small growth number next to the percent sign should offend us infinitely more than the feelings of those deluded by misplaced outrage.  Let’s exhume the corpses of presidents who owned slaves and work the jaws to make them apologize.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Principled Argument

I guess we’ll have to convince people.  Letting others know that they should be free of financial interference and the threat of being beheaded for peace sounds like hard work.  But it beats the burden of living under idiots who think an election win proves they’re smarter.

Make a case that government works best when it’s doing almost nothing. Explain that people aren’t free while others are buying them things, and the subsidized will start to realize why they feel uneasy no matter how comfortable they are.  Other strategies don’t work, as seen by how much life blows.  It’s even more than usual this year.

At least we’ve learned that no other strategy works.  All it took to learn was sinking the nation.  For one, the plot to win the presidency by targeting battleground state areas has proven to be a miss of a loss.  Hoping to sneak out a few votes in Ohio and Florida doesn’t sound like a grand way to revive America’s promise.

But at least small-minded election engineering beats copying Democratic handouts, which is an even worse way of selling out.  Voters will just go with the actual waster instead of the halfhearted copy. Similarly, those raging voters looking for their own bully lust for nothing more than brute force.  The lack of principle is only topped by how they are bound to lose even more badly.  It’s only so amusing.

You’ll note that none of the calculated approaches are conservative.  The responses to election failures are similarly pathetic in transparent calculation.  I blame whatever the establishment is.  They’re desperate to lose without principles, which is why the party should nominate someone unprincipled who’s guaranteed to lose.  The tilted odds are like casino games, which makes this a good time to point out one notable candidate couldn’t keep his open.

Perhaps it’s time to try convincing the public that they’d be better off with their money than politicians, not to mention they’d have the chance to earn more.  Work might sound depressing, but laying about hasn’t been as joyous as pictured.

It should be easy to convince people that they deserve to be left alone.  You can still make friends, so don’t worry about having only voices in your head for companionship.  That’s essentially what Twitter is.  Regardless, people yearn to catch a limited government pitch.  Kicking the ball isn’t effective in soccer, much less in American sports.

It’s shocking to those who think about politics every dreadful moment how many haven’t heard the contrast. But many people going about their days without knowing their senators’ names presume Republicans want to burn down the environment to get rich.  Add on how they live only to take down the other team.  It’s just politics, right?  Presume everyone who disagrees wants to turn America into New Russia.  That’s only semi-true for half the sides.  Parties aren’t random groups like a public high school’s enrollees. Each is supposed to represent particular principles.  That one should start acting like it.

The cineplex rarely helps.  It’s apparently asking too much for those who inflict purported culture on us to distinguish between right and wrong.  So put the free market into practice.  Skip productions that reflexively treat businesses as evil until businessmen who fund such dreck get the message.  I’ll save my film bucks for features where bad guys modeled on actual terrorists no matter how racist accuracy is called. Hollywood can deliver a message without a lecture.  Breaking Bad was a show about consequences, not preaching about the horrors of tweaking. Be on the lookout for meaningful chemistry.

The answer to nominating occasionally liberal Republicans is to go full leftist. Right? I can’t figure out why they keep blowing winnable elections.  Providing even less of a choice is sure to intrigue voters.  Bitching that a case for properly limited government hasn’t worked is a favorite hobby of the quasi-conservatives who’ve never made it.  Note them by their preference for the weakest strongman imaginable, a taint that will stick to them longer than the one attached to dumb kids in junior high who thought music’s future lied with Milli Vanilli.

Nobody’s happy, if that helps.  Making the argument that liberty beats handouts is easier upon noting how those listening are wallowing in woe.  It’s been that way for at least a couple years.  While remaining in a cesspool for awhile may be seen as a sign that those wading may somehow enjoy the surroundings, it may actually mean they don’t realize there’s a way out.  Start ripping off manhole covers. Autonomy is your right even if the government presently states they can take it.  I wonder how freedom polls in contested counties.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Minimum Wage War

A fair wage is whatever you can get for whatever work you can get. That sounds harsh, and it is, so welcome to the working world.  The only thing worse than busting your hide for a little scratch is sitting home with nothing.  Idleness isn’t as fun as it sounds, especially once the cable company shuts off service.

The most important skill to learn at any job is negotiation.  Know what you can do and how much you should get for it.  Those who never bother are going to be very sad once they realize a promised higher minimum rate is out of reach for the resentful.  The pay for not working is zero, so we should obviously make unemployment illegal.  As with bread lines where you got to know hungry neighbors, the Soviets were on to something.

Now’s a good time to get self-righteous about the value of starting work, what with the government strangling the economy so it can breathe better.  Workers on the lowest rung deserve more, according to people who don’t know how to run a business and resent those who do.  The register magically fills, which is why it’s righteous to resent wealth and confiscate it on the proletariat’s behalf.

All that profit would be impossible without those manning counters speaking a few dozen English words.  Yes, many minimum wage workers are courteous individuals who can correctly generate change, even if it often seems to only happen by chance. But such work pays what it does for a good reason.  People really appreciate being given something they don’t deserve, which the People’s Republics of New York and California are about to find out in a rather crushing way.  The remaining residents can sit at the booths of their choosing at any remaining fast food outlets whose windows aren’t covered with boards.

Don’t you want everyone to be a millionaire? Highly-paid new hires will have more to spend.  That will help other businesses, which will in tun hire more comrades.  Before you know it, prosperity will spiral exponentially so quickly that we’ll get bored with counting money. Then, we drink beer that burns calories in our cotton candy fortresses.

The magic growth spiral theory is pimped by the same ones who think the government multiplies what it takes from you, and creates the same precisely opposite results.  Let’s never notice patterns, as that would mean we’re management material and thus put us on the fat cats’ diabolical side.

The state’s chief role is to make sure people have enough money to spend. Head to the nearest capitol building and ask to see the constitution’s back for details.  At least the delusional and arbitrary declaration that anyone working full-time should be able to support a family causes tremendous financial harm.  Everyone’s rich! As usual, the sanctimonious never check the river’s source before damning.  Overpaying for simple work leaves businesses dry.  But commercial Luddites never asked who funds federal spending, so why start now?  To them, that’s federalism in action.

Fans of preposterously high minimum wages forget to perform every step of calculations.  It may be because they don’t know what math is. Presuming those seeking slots will still get hired after a mandatory starting bump is the same as thinking the government that gets nothing for trillions would make insurance affordable.  The next scheme will break the streak.

Why ponder what might result from telling companies what they must offer? A higher wage means more cash, silly.  Perhaps this sack full of cash will push the notion of mass layoffs out of mind.  Sure, it may be harder to receive currency from an employer once order-takers are replaced with more personable touch screens. And those humans who remain will have to do much more work.  But at least there will be fewer customers due to skyrocketing prices.  Never thinking out consequences is a common interest among patty-flippers who think they’re about to hit it big when they’re about to become obsolete.

You can earn a raise.  I believe in you, if that helps your confidence. Your boss isn’t as scary as it seems.  Many hourly employees and their condescendingly counterproductive purported advocates figure owners are greedy bastards sitting upon thrones of bill stacks.  As with their work tasks, they are wholly unfamiliar with how thin profit margins are, or what a profit margin is, for that matter. Those who have pummeled the economy into submission promise to do more for their victims.  They could start by ending lame promises about the preposterously high amount trainees should make starting on their first days.

Remove the floor if you’d like to move upstairs.  Forget not stretching for 15 bucks per hour by law: people would be amazed at what’d happen without a minimum wage.  No, workers wouldn’t be getting 35 cents per day. That’s unless there was only one company left, and we’re not talking about the government here.  Competition for labor would result in potential employees discover just how much they can get for their labor.  Instead, we’re stuck with the pricey guarantee.

You can’t do any better, according to those who make things worse.  Those in menial jobs should feel so insulted by the notion that they can’t get a good deal, much less get ahead.  Life offers no more potential than sweeping a floor to those who’ve concluded the first job is the one at which you’ll retire.  Such negative thinking makes it harder to get a sweeping job.  The unemployed have ample time to contemplate irony.

Both employer and employee are in trouble if that particular skill isn’t worth a buck every four minutes.  Hiking the minimum is an act of sheer preening.  The moral failure causes practical harm, as well. At least you never have to be nervous about how to spend riches.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Boring Voting

Some of us pay attention nonstop if you want to know why we’re in damn awful moods all the time.  If ignorance is bliss, more people should feel happy.  Knowing the excruciating details of the president’s plan to expand the napalm warehouse using dynamite doesn’t make the ensuing explosion entertaining.  I’d text the fire department, but I’ve been told the chemical change is part of the plan.

Keeping up with the news is frustrating for reasons beyond constantly pondering the actions of imbeciles who ruin our country as if it’s their job.  What are those exceptional fools in public service thinking now?  The notion itself is disturbing.  Don’t stop to think about it to avoid full insanity.  It’s been 30 seconds since the last Twitter check for something stupid a politician said to mock, and we don’t want to fall behind.

But the alternative to incessant monitoring is letting people you didn’t like in high school guide your philosophy.  The cheap distortion that catches on more quickly and harrowingly than Lady Gaga is the story of these cyber-times.  Of course, few have heard the true version of said story because the warped take’s hashtag has been trending on Twitter for hours.

The closed circle of open contempt for truth makes learning difficult. It’s far easier to reinforce what you want to believe despite evidence, which is why some believe the economy hums in the post-terror age.  Looking outside could cause blindness.  I think I read something online about how natural light does it.

Narratives are more fun than facts.  That’s why none of Trump’s atrocious conduct bothers his personal Sea Org. We have to explain why he’s lying about everything from what he believes to what he’s done to no effect. The archetypical faker remains consistent even if his fanbase keeps apologizing for his inconsistencies.  Your mistake is being rational: the only thing worse than his consistent inconsistencies is what he actually believes.  Notice aloud, and you’ll be smeared as a race-hating cuck who hates America’s greatness as much as you like ugly broads.  Using a moment to check whether or not he’s actually ruined businesses while bragging about success doesn’t interest those invested in a lame legend.

Establishing an alternative to commonly-accepted uncommonly baffling ideas is trickier than you’d think.  It shouldn’t be this hard to convince enough people why a minimum wage increase would actually hurt the poor.  The robots being hired to flip your patties in liberal utopias like New York, California, and Seattle work for zero dollars per hour.  Those preaching how unskilled new hires are about to get rich find evidence insulting.  It’s fine to disagree, even if it makes you wrong.  But those who are sanctimonious in ignorance of mathematics are unwilling to learn there’s a second side.  That’s too much addition.

By comparison, I know all the stances and am slightly more sick of one. I follow politics precisely out of hatred for it.  I’m out to destroy this monstrous behemoth with a charge planted at the power core if you wondered why you mixed me up with a secret agent.  The only legitimate reason to be interested in our stupid system is to further the goal of having less of it. Diminish its role in our lives so we can be liberated enough to start selling our seashell crafts on Etsy like we dreamed. There is bound to be agony in the meantime.  Check my tweets for examples.

The only worse field for me than monitoring the atrocious people assigned to govern us would be sobriety counselor.  I lash out by sneering at those who actually enjoy the procedure.   I don’t want to know the dealings of dolts so useless that they had to run for office to avoid starvation.  But it’s the best way to keep them from further mucking up our lives.  Their fans are almost as bad.  Please join me in loathing those who adore Senate procedure, are aware of district voting percentage histories, or call the November election “the general.”  Those sick enough to actually enjoy government’s activities just create more to despise about the godforsaken process of representative democracy.

It’s easy to check things.  But it’s sadly easier to believe the instant lie that appears in your timeline.  All your liberal friends are happy geniuses, so there’s no reason to doubt their constitutional interpretations.  Yet lingering doubts remain.  The incongruity explains why Facebook memes can’t overcome the feeling things aren’t quite right, which is to say they’re horrifying.  The last Obama shock troopers stationed on remote islands maintain he brought love to both international affairs and whatever the heck we call marriage now.  Plus, the incumbent proves he cares about the poor by keeping them there.

Hit your head with the brick a few dozen more times to see if it starts feeling better.  We don’t want to wait one more damn election cycle for the problem’s solution to become apparent.  The pain from trying the easy way should teach a valuable lesson.  But too many voters remain attached to what’s worthless.  That next round of federal planning will be the one that fattens your wallet.  Previous ones were for practice.

Those who lack the masochistic urge to track the process don’t have to invest every dull moment investigating claims of their representatives.  But it is helpful to know those in charge have been known to be casual with the truth.  The inability to sense humans can be full of it may doom us to another crummy four years.  You may not be interested in politics.  But politics are interested in you.  In fact, it’ll go through your trash and lurk on your profile page. Learn just enough about it to block.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

Cushy Decline

America is too nice as it becomes too unpleasant.  Semipermanent financial downturn doesn’t prevent anyone from enjoying every modern comfort, much of it without price tags.  Everyone’s at least partly guilty. I’ll certainly lounge about as if it’s a career, although I make sure to remind myself a few dozen times per day that I do nothing important.

All the material possessions don’t fill that space where the soul was. Those who see commerce as the source of villainy inevitably get bad deals.  Liberals who oppose consumerism sure are interested in giving everyone everything.  Genuine fulfillment of material needs leads to whining about fake problems.  Some fellow members of contemporary society are able to survive despite being alarmingly dim.  You’ll recognize them by their tweets.  Look for the semi-word “yas” or anyone who calls Hillary Clinton “Queen.”

It’s easy in Cushy City to think about how every other citizen ignores your genius. Few people apply themselves.  So many creative folks don’t use their powers to invent fun cartoons or novelty bottle openers.  By contrast, professional idlers think of reasons why they are being prevented from working and why they wouldn’t want to, anyway.  It’s too bad they couldn’t put the habit of inventing solutions to good use at a job.  Looking for offenses is America’s greatest industry.  Learning how a car engine or restaurant functions would be a useful way to occupy minds that wander quite easily.  But no: people who somehow don’t perish from allergies never bother to fill résumés.

Noting every faux microaggression is massively offensive, or at least would be if people with spines who brush off teasing were similarly bothered by ridiculous conduct.  The eternally aggrieved need some time on an assembly line, specifically a couple decades.  America may not make things, but it has created a Salon/Slate/Vox industrial access of bitching. Whenever someone actually achieves something interesting, a useless hipster is on-call to explain why it’s oppressive.  Come up with a new reason every day why America hates women as much as it does minorities.  It beats figuring out why more federal spending helps even less.

Success and sufficiency are different things.  Not learning the difference keeps America sluggish.  Blame payment without clock-punching.  It’s fairly easy to get by without working, which should frighten those wondering who pays for it.  Ignoring math doesn’t make it vanish.  Just try to pretend the tally’s not accumulating while you can still cash in.  Float through this plane of existence by cashing in either direct or cloaked benefits before anyone checks the arithmetic.

Major in outrage.  College campuses are a great place to learn what’s not being learned.  The luckiest humans on Earth compensate for their guilt by pretending to speak for the not-really oppressed.    When your life is encased in bubble wrap, you’re bound to pop easily. Making up offenses both for oneself and the purportedly put-upon is easier than learning engineering.  But crying as a career isn’t as useful to society.  I thought the Marxist warriors wanted to help society.  Instead, we teeter on collapse together through their individual efforts.  Now that’s selfish.

The biggest target of our rage must remain those who enjoy a culture superficially.  The uncooperative FBI won’t put photos of those who tease others for differences on the post office wall, which shows the conspiracy to protect crude white guys goes all the way to Washington.  We should try electing someone of a different race president for harmony. Anyone who dares to wear sombreros on Halloween or Cinco de Mayo will be threatened with lethal consequences.  Make it so they’ll only be celebrated on Dia de Muertos.  Innocent intentions are frowned upon as teasing is flat-out banned.  Meanwhile, you’ll have to laugh at Girl Ghostbusters by law.

Modern men can sort-of survive without ever taxing brains or getting garments sweaty.  It’s easy to get by even without having abilities to trade for currency.  But life is so unfulfilling when everything is handed over.  At least it can’t continue indefinitely.  The shock of puberty won’t be fun, but it’s about time for national adulthood to begin.  Applying to another university to pursue a graduate degree isn’t going to make anyone smarter.

The instant information is woefully incomplete.  Cyber-humans are hooked into a pod that ostensibly provides all needed information.  It’s just that nobody bothers to fact-check the infinitesimally small amount of claims they’re able to process.  Technology has a downside, namely many of those who use it.  Excessive assistance paying will distort anyone’s view.  The fact people like Bernie Sanders don’t starve is a sign that our system is nothing that could properly be called a free market.  Advocating socialism with the byproducts of ingenuity proves even ingrates benefit from progress, which has nothing to do with progressivism.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.