Guarantee Voided

I can assure you the man with assurances is full of it.  I’m not like the others.  You’ll have to trust me on this one general exception that counters specific fraudulent boasts.  Our greatest source of unhappiness stems from assuming life is conducive to promises.  That’s the one thing we know isn’t true, aside from how promises won’t be fulfilled.  It’s a tricky conundrum.  But people merely must retain the notion that attempts to legislate freedom only restrain.

Every chance to to establish assurances adds more unpleasant variables. Walk away from charlatans who boast of America’s greatness without understanding how it got that way.  It certainly wasn’t by protecting us via ticking off trade partners. Maybe being obnoxious will convince you.

Those who claim to represent the poor strive to keep them that way. Guarantees are only certain to make life worse for those struggling. Even worse, the promises can’t be redeemed for cash.  Life was ironically a lot easier when we had to earn livings, even if it meant having to listen to some stupid manager demand accomplishments in exchange for payment.  An absurdly high mandated salary minimum is useless if nobody hires you, but at least you’d be rich at your imaginary job.

We have to know there’s nothing we know will happen.  That sentence may need to be diagrammed, but just remember to be on the lookout for surprises.  At least awareness makes it easy to prepare.  By contrast, pretending we can tax and borrow our way to ending stress makes everyone apprehensive.  Take how health care for all actually spurs universal suffering. Potential patients do much better when they address their own needs, not to mention that they’d have the money to do so on account of not being taxed into debt for the privilege of congressmen buying goods. Commerce is easier without a law demanding it occurs.

Nothing is as worthless as an unearned raise.  Many candidates of one type assure you that corporations are merely holding out on letting everyone else get rich for the sake of greed.  Note that none of same candidates run successful enterprises of their own.  Those whose entrepreneurial skills only extend to conning voters claim you deserve to support yourself if you work full-time.  The work isn’t important, according to those who keep many from working.

Limiting trade will make you just as rich.  You’ll have a job at the same factory forever if only the rest of the globe doesn’t have access to your products.  Treating free trade as a bogeyman who breaks into your home and steals your job leads to an unsurprisingly frightened workforce.  They’ll feel much less scared when they realize there will totally be more customers if we limit the countries to which we can sell.  Or fewer, whatever. But that would just mean more profits thanks to supply and demand.  I think that’s how economics works.

It’s not merely misanthropic to note that we’re all going to be redundant at some point, although that’s one benefit.  I’m sorry to be mean about life, but ignoring that truth will only make it harsher.  How about I promise your industry will never become obsolete?  Not only that, but it’ll also always be competitive.  On top of that, you deserve greater compensation.  Your cheap-ass boss won’t give it up, so we better pass a law to make you richer as you start a low-value job.  You’ll stimulate by spending your check, and I don’t see any possible downside.  That’s the great thing about mandates: it’s impossible by law for them to go wrong.

The chance to make your own assurances is its own reward.  But it’s really hard.  Work is stupid, not to mention that the sort of people who think everything’s a rigged game don’t seem very good at playing it.  Still, toil beats what happens any time enough suckers think regulations will make things cushy.  All we can do to help is try not to help.  Removing barriers that statists claim are necessary to slow down life actually facilitates the sort of speeding that liberals hate.  Accelerate to assert the supremacy of human ingenuity while burning precious fuel provided for us by Mother Earth.

The salesman might be fibbing, which is a problem if he’s elected.  Short of wholesale impeachment, we’re stuck with enemies of competitiveness in their ideal roles, at least for them.  The results of useless boasts are sadly predictable.  Those with schemes to create paradise invariably make things dull and sad, not to mention far less secure than in a world without warranties.

You’ll just have to get it for yourself.  That sounds like a pain.  But it beats a whole lot of nothing.  Forget the temptation of purportedly free education and insurance, discounted housing, a job for life: all of it is more expensive than promised.  The waste of money in the futile effort to get a bargain is only part of the price.  Attempts to remove rough corners only sharpen them, and we’re running out of eyepatches.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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