Cushy Decline

America is too nice as it becomes too unpleasant.  Semipermanent financial downturn doesn’t prevent anyone from enjoying every modern comfort, much of it without price tags.  Everyone’s at least partly guilty. I’ll certainly lounge about as if it’s a career, although I make sure to remind myself a few dozen times per day that I do nothing important.

All the material possessions don’t fill that space where the soul was. Those who see commerce as the source of villainy inevitably get bad deals.  Liberals who oppose consumerism sure are interested in giving everyone everything.  Genuine fulfillment of material needs leads to whining about fake problems.  Some fellow members of contemporary society are able to survive despite being alarmingly dim.  You’ll recognize them by their tweets.  Look for the semi-word “yas” or anyone who calls Hillary Clinton “Queen.”

It’s easy in Cushy City to think about how every other citizen ignores your genius. Few people apply themselves.  So many creative folks don’t use their powers to invent fun cartoons or novelty bottle openers.  By contrast, professional idlers think of reasons why they are being prevented from working and why they wouldn’t want to, anyway.  It’s too bad they couldn’t put the habit of inventing solutions to good use at a job.  Looking for offenses is America’s greatest industry.  Learning how a car engine or restaurant functions would be a useful way to occupy minds that wander quite easily.  But no: people who somehow don’t perish from allergies never bother to fill résumés.

Noting every faux microaggression is massively offensive, or at least would be if people with spines who brush off teasing were similarly bothered by ridiculous conduct.  The eternally aggrieved need some time on an assembly line, specifically a couple decades.  America may not make things, but it has created a Salon/Slate/Vox industrial access of bitching. Whenever someone actually achieves something interesting, a useless hipster is on-call to explain why it’s oppressive.  Come up with a new reason every day why America hates women as much as it does minorities.  It beats figuring out why more federal spending helps even less.

Success and sufficiency are different things.  Not learning the difference keeps America sluggish.  Blame payment without clock-punching.  It’s fairly easy to get by without working, which should frighten those wondering who pays for it.  Ignoring math doesn’t make it vanish.  Just try to pretend the tally’s not accumulating while you can still cash in.  Float through this plane of existence by cashing in either direct or cloaked benefits before anyone checks the arithmetic.

Major in outrage.  College campuses are a great place to learn what’s not being learned.  The luckiest humans on Earth compensate for their guilt by pretending to speak for the not-really oppressed.    When your life is encased in bubble wrap, you’re bound to pop easily. Making up offenses both for oneself and the purportedly put-upon is easier than learning engineering.  But crying as a career isn’t as useful to society.  I thought the Marxist warriors wanted to help society.  Instead, we teeter on collapse together through their individual efforts.  Now that’s selfish.

The biggest target of our rage must remain those who enjoy a culture superficially.  The uncooperative FBI won’t put photos of those who tease others for differences on the post office wall, which shows the conspiracy to protect crude white guys goes all the way to Washington.  We should try electing someone of a different race president for harmony. Anyone who dares to wear sombreros on Halloween or Cinco de Mayo will be threatened with lethal consequences.  Make it so they’ll only be celebrated on Dia de Muertos.  Innocent intentions are frowned upon as teasing is flat-out banned.  Meanwhile, you’ll have to laugh at Girl Ghostbusters by law.

Modern men can sort-of survive without ever taxing brains or getting garments sweaty.  It’s easy to get by even without having abilities to trade for currency.  But life is so unfulfilling when everything is handed over.  At least it can’t continue indefinitely.  The shock of puberty won’t be fun, but it’s about time for national adulthood to begin.  Applying to another university to pursue a graduate degree isn’t going to make anyone smarter.

The instant information is woefully incomplete.  Cyber-humans are hooked into a pod that ostensibly provides all needed information.  It’s just that nobody bothers to fact-check the infinitesimally small amount of claims they’re able to process.  Technology has a downside, namely many of those who use it.  Excessive assistance paying will distort anyone’s view.  The fact people like Bernie Sanders don’t starve is a sign that our system is nothing that could properly be called a free market.  Advocating socialism with the byproducts of ingenuity proves even ingrates benefit from progress, which has nothing to do with progressivism.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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