Boring Voting

Some of us pay attention nonstop if you want to know why we’re in damn awful moods all the time.  If ignorance is bliss, more people should feel happy.  Knowing the excruciating details of the president’s plan to expand the napalm warehouse using dynamite doesn’t make the ensuing explosion entertaining.  I’d text the fire department, but I’ve been told the chemical change is part of the plan.

Keeping up with the news is frustrating for reasons beyond constantly pondering the actions of imbeciles who ruin our country as if it’s their job.  What are those exceptional fools in public service thinking now?  The notion itself is disturbing.  Don’t stop to think about it to avoid full insanity.  It’s been 30 seconds since the last Twitter check for something stupid a politician said to mock, and we don’t want to fall behind.

But the alternative to incessant monitoring is letting people you didn’t like in high school guide your philosophy.  The cheap distortion that catches on more quickly and harrowingly than Lady Gaga is the story of these cyber-times.  Of course, few have heard the true version of said story because the warped take’s hashtag has been trending on Twitter for hours.

The closed circle of open contempt for truth makes learning difficult. It’s far easier to reinforce what you want to believe despite evidence, which is why some believe the economy hums in the post-terror age.  Looking outside could cause blindness.  I think I read something online about how natural light does it.

Narratives are more fun than facts.  That’s why none of Trump’s atrocious conduct bothers his personal Sea Org. We have to explain why he’s lying about everything from what he believes to what he’s done to no effect. The archetypical faker remains consistent even if his fanbase keeps apologizing for his inconsistencies.  Your mistake is being rational: the only thing worse than his consistent inconsistencies is what he actually believes.  Notice aloud, and you’ll be smeared as a race-hating cuck who hates America’s greatness as much as you like ugly broads.  Using a moment to check whether or not he’s actually ruined businesses while bragging about success doesn’t interest those invested in a lame legend.

Establishing an alternative to commonly-accepted uncommonly baffling ideas is trickier than you’d think.  It shouldn’t be this hard to convince enough people why a minimum wage increase would actually hurt the poor.  The robots being hired to flip your patties in liberal utopias like New York, California, and Seattle work for zero dollars per hour.  Those preaching how unskilled new hires are about to get rich find evidence insulting.  It’s fine to disagree, even if it makes you wrong.  But those who are sanctimonious in ignorance of mathematics are unwilling to learn there’s a second side.  That’s too much addition.

By comparison, I know all the stances and am slightly more sick of one. I follow politics precisely out of hatred for it.  I’m out to destroy this monstrous behemoth with a charge planted at the power core if you wondered why you mixed me up with a secret agent.  The only legitimate reason to be interested in our stupid system is to further the goal of having less of it. Diminish its role in our lives so we can be liberated enough to start selling our seashell crafts on Etsy like we dreamed. There is bound to be agony in the meantime.  Check my tweets for examples.

The only worse field for me than monitoring the atrocious people assigned to govern us would be sobriety counselor.  I lash out by sneering at those who actually enjoy the procedure.   I don’t want to know the dealings of dolts so useless that they had to run for office to avoid starvation.  But it’s the best way to keep them from further mucking up our lives.  Their fans are almost as bad.  Please join me in loathing those who adore Senate procedure, are aware of district voting percentage histories, or call the November election “the general.”  Those sick enough to actually enjoy government’s activities just create more to despise about the godforsaken process of representative democracy.

It’s easy to check things.  But it’s sadly easier to believe the instant lie that appears in your timeline.  All your liberal friends are happy geniuses, so there’s no reason to doubt their constitutional interpretations.  Yet lingering doubts remain.  The incongruity explains why Facebook memes can’t overcome the feeling things aren’t quite right, which is to say they’re horrifying.  The last Obama shock troopers stationed on remote islands maintain he brought love to both international affairs and whatever the heck we call marriage now.  Plus, the incumbent proves he cares about the poor by keeping them there.

Hit your head with the brick a few dozen more times to see if it starts feeling better.  We don’t want to wait one more damn election cycle for the problem’s solution to become apparent.  The pain from trying the easy way should teach a valuable lesson.  But too many voters remain attached to what’s worthless.  That next round of federal planning will be the one that fattens your wallet.  Previous ones were for practice.

Those who lack the masochistic urge to track the process don’t have to invest every dull moment investigating claims of their representatives.  But it is helpful to know those in charge have been known to be casual with the truth.  The inability to sense humans can be full of it may doom us to another crummy four years.  You may not be interested in politics.  But politics are interested in you.  In fact, it’ll go through your trash and lurk on your profile page. Learn just enough about it to block.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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