Disagree to Agree

If everyone concurs, there’s nothing worthwhile being discussed.  That’s the only thing to which everyone can agree.  Treat the exception as ironically amusing instead of confusing.  Any stance with universal acceptance has to be diluted to make it palatable for all. Reasonable folks think it’s possible to gain consensus about a seemingly agreeable subject like pizza toppings before realizing there are disturbed freaks who think pineapple goes with mozzarella and tomato sauce.  Never forget there is evil in the world.

It’s inevitably bad sign when someone thinks there’s no opposition to any statement that doesn’t refer to the moral status of Nazis.  They were bad, for the record.  A sliver of Trump’s fan club officers may disagree, but we’re excluding them from both polite society and this discussion.  Searching for bipartisanship may result in forgetting that one side wants silly things.  Disagreement is preferable to agreeing on sugary concoctions.  It’s tough to enjoy sweets after your teeth fall out.

Liberals need to fudge the statements in order to get sympathy.  Take the sneaky way they make unemployment fall by making people so sad that they don’t even look for work anymore. Why have positions that create prosperity when you can just convince others that you’re amazing?  It’s easier and requires less damage to pride.  All it costs is productivity.

Our ever-tolerant friends have concluded their views are the only reasonable ones, which is a novel way of achieving unity.  Note those who’ve amusingly determined their side is the only correct one.  At least they make it obvious that you should avoid them. Twisted phrasing is concurrent with a lack of worthwhile outcomes.  Are you against affordable health care for all?

Discussing gay marriage would be more pleasant without the cool new notion that everyone opposed is a lesbian-kicking scum.  It’s possible to not hate homosexuals while wanting to retain matrimony as a ceremony between opposing genders.  Presuming that contempt for men who like men is the same as thinking matrimony is a special ceremony between a man and woman is making our time extra pleasant. Banish those who note there may have been good reasons why weddings had rules about the participants.  Then, hold a civil discussion.

The contemporary conclusion is that anyone who likes the old ways of 2010 must hate equality, which is a fun way to bring all together.  Try reasoning with someone who conflates homophobia and civilization’s former understanding of weddings if you want to convince yourself that conservatives should start a new republic on Mars.  Liberals can keep the planet they screwed up.

Let’s try to figure things out while we’re stuck on this stupid world.  We could help each other through spending on what everyone else has to offer, whether it be labor or goods.  But there’s no need when money just appears as grants.  Handouts are a gift from Washington like your tax refund.  Still, there’s the nagging sense that an unlimited money fountain may actually not make us as rich as hoped.  Shouldn’t we have been fitted for monocles by now?

You know, you can do this yourself.  I’d wager you’d purchase nicer items than your representative would with the same money and at far better value.  Also, there’s the mystery of who pays for federal intervention.  If it’s not you, it’s someone who may have hired you.  Taking from present rich people or future grandchildren may not be a universal cure even if it was promoted that way.

Did you know war is bad?  It hurts.  The explosions may harm yourself or your stuff.  That’s why the Democratic Party’s goal is to ensure we’re never arrogant again, as that means peace.  Sure, evil exterior forces may attack, and there may be shots exchanged between factions, but that doesn’t mean we have to call it a war.  The most important battle of those who think feelings are war’s greatest victim is against the tyranny of semantics.

By contrast, those fighting platitudes note that peace comes through scaring bad guys, not trying to befriend them.  Let’s keep lots of death rays and flying aircraft carriers around in the hopes that their operators get bored at not getting to use them.  Be as brutal as possible if we must resort to conflict. The one thing worse than not fighting jerks is them fighting us.  Nobody likes it, but not everybody likes us.  Remind international villains that they’re the bastards here before they get too cocky.

Inattentiveness brings us to common ground.  The phony unifiers display perfect combination of self-righteousness and ignorance that’s make what could be a comfortable moment into a fearfully soulless time.  It’s easier to pretend there’s no legitimate opposition than learn why so many are legitimately opposed.  The only things liberals manufacture are twisted words.  Business is sadly booming.

As with easy listening music that everyone hates, forced communality ticks off everyone listening.  This is the Barry Manilow of political eras. The government could at least buy us screwdrivers to shove in our ears.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns athttps://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

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