Hearts Are Dumb

Giving in to your heart causes attacks.  The circulatory kingpin is taxed enough by having to pump every freaking moment; unlike you, it’s not snoozing until noon on Saturday.  On top of that, it’s blamed for all the silly crushes and unprofitably artistic career urges that overcome potentially rational humans.  Don’t put even more pressure on it by trusting it with life decisions, as it struggles enough to cope with normal duties.

Let it be functional.  The cardiac portion of your chest is a historically stupid organ, what with lusting after disreputable potential partners and dreams of quitting the law firm to work on mosaics.  Worst of all, we’re equipped with a wholly different organ capable of engaging in logic that’s frequently ignored in favor of its less shrewd downtown neighbor. Many allow them to atrophy to the point of shriveling, but the brains remain.

Situations are bound to get worse when humans ignore the thinking sensation many occasionally sense within their skulls.  It’s hard to communicate with those whose thinking has gone south.  Try having a rational discussion with someone sputtering about compassion bought with your funds.  And forget trying to point out that thoughtless programs developed by bleeding hearts only make life tougher for those supposedly being helped.  Poverty pimps love their tricks so much that they won’t let them escape. Hostility toward pondering outcomes explains the present political environment.  Who cares what’d actually help: you clearly oppose feeding hungry orphans.

A minimum wage hike is great except for how nobody will hire you.  Who wants to be at some job for one-third of the day, anyway?  Oh, right: income.  It’s harder to get started thanks to politicians who don’t want you ever having to impress a boss.  In the carefree days of small minimums, an applicant could pit potential employers against each other.  But the fun of gladiator combat between Wendy’s and Burger King managers has been eliminated by paying everyone too much. At least imaginary workers starting at 120 bucks per shift will receive more than they generate.

Unintended consequences would be my favorite kind if they didn’t devastate us. Preening governors don’t realize they just made everything pricier through overcompensation, which I understand makes life harder for people without much money.  I’m not an economist or anything.  Why would politicians care about longterm consequences when they’ve learned to promise just enough to get the votes they need?  The only outcome that matters to them involves avoiding work. Next, they’ll explain why business owners are selfish.

Shatner-style over-emoting leaders never have to ponder what happens next to the overworked counter worker who may not take comfort in knowing she could be replaced by an iPad.  The good thing about failing to get an entry-level job because they cost employers so much is that many will never work at all.  The weekend never ends, dudes!

Except for giving everyone affordable insurance, Obamacare gave everyone affordable insurance.  Oh, and a lot more people than promised are going without, but that’s a small price to pay for surrendering freedom.  This is the best of all worlds.  But what if our famously stupid government kept us from getting smart plans?  Something close to health care for all would feature the right to buy from competing insurers desperate to beat each other on price and quality.  But I keep being told capitalism is cruel.  I guess it’s mean to make people work for things.

We can volunteer to assist just as we do with trade.  I know consistency’s unpopular, but the notion remains true.  Those free to earn are more likely to have enough extra to bless others.  Real love takes the form of voluntarily helping those struggling to conquer bills.  Presuming humans will only help each other if compelled to do so is ironically heartless.  But those guilty of such calculating thought are incapable of smirking at themselves.

Perhaps you regret not making more life decisions made while angry, elated, upset, or infatuated with another human.  But I’d wager that spending a night thinking about the nature of rage, lust, or lustful rage leads to a higher percentage of satisfactory outcomes.  Today, most political choices are made by frenzied statists who think commerce must be destroyed with love.  Treating Ted Cruz like a meaner version of Hitler is how to show you care.

While not everything translates from public to private life, sentimental folly remains the same.  Forget politics: indulging emotions makes circumstances worse in any life arena.  Overwrought decisions inevitably cause pain.  Tears naturally follow.  Worst, those quivering have to get sappy again to compensate for ignoring rational thought, which isn’t going to reduce that shaky feeling.

The downward spiral into mush isn’t as cordial as pictured.  We may as well train brains to pump blood, as they’ll wither otherwise.  But it’ll never happen, as thinking of how to reuse organs requires using brains.  Free college for all will fix that.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

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