Tribal Political

I stopped watching wrestling because I was grown up enough to go to junior high.  But geopolitical timing harmed my interest in fake grappling, too.  I happened to turn old enough to fail at talking to girls as America wiped commies off the map, albeit sadly temporarily. We beat Bernie Sanders’s ideological enemies if anyone forgot.  But wrestling was pinned along with East Germany.  With no virtuous freedom-lovers to lovingly parody or stark enemy to caricature, the pretend sport moved toward amoral tribes.  Meanwhile, I moved away. I need a reason to cheer.

That feeling of aligning purposelessly has returned with implications even greater than tag team championships. The lack of any defining characteristic other than arbitrarily different henchmen is the same reason I’m sick of politics at my present age.  Statist factions don’t interest me any more than Vince McMahon’s choreographed empire did once the blocs became indistinguishable.  Now, fearful constituents are supposed to join to avoid getting bashed skulls.  Those who know it’s fake can just sigh and watch those who still fall for what’s predetermined.

Dissenters are only truly defeated when they obsess with causing as much harm as they received.  In that sense, Barack Obama is finally a success.  He was mean, so let’s get his fans back.  Forget rising above his petty directives issued with a hall monitor-style power intoxication to focus on worthwhile policies. Instead, swing the pendulum of vindictiveness.  Note it travels back and forth without going too far forward.  Now, I have no problem with scheming to destroy enemies.  But it should done in your free time.  Turning revenge into a career is perilous without a sense of humor.

The most noble form of government focuses on pursuing revenge fantasies. Read your Locke.  Competing gangs are out to dispense favors to anyone who’s sucked up enough.  It’s what true outsiders do.  A good president shouldn’t need support from a legion of ass-kissers, as the logistics of line management are overwhelming.  But the most awesome leaders must be reminded to deliver cargo to the cult. Republicans have chosen to worship a rather insecure sect leader, possibly because he knows the end is near.  No, Donald Trump is not like Jim Jones, although both are zealot-leading Democrats.

I wouldn’t expect any less from Republicans who have no idea why they’re on that side.  They know their team is good at losing elections, but nothing else makes them distinct except a vaguely different style of bullying.  There used to be some boring yapping about natural rights and a country worth defending.  But very powerful puncher Trump doesn’t need your fancy numerical sorcery, warlock: he’s just going to charm other mobs. The only thing worse than Trump thinking he’ll succeed on personality is how crummy said personality is.  I hope he doesn’t come up with a clever insult for me like “loser.”

Purportedly modern humans yearn for the comfort enjoyed by cavemen.  Political parties are now nothing more than clans if you worried about moving ahead as a society.  Such a primitive outlook only helps one side, and it’s unsurprisingly not the good one.  The fixation on grasping power benefits leftist doctrine, as it conforms with the desire to boss around anyone who dared not bow vigorously enough to gain admittance into the king’s circle.

Trying to hold your cut together with Post-it notes is a nice attempt, but don’t expect healing.  It doesn’t matter whether autocracy stems form misguided benevolence or outright sadism: all that results is a brute forcing the nation to bend to his will.  Bossing around those who wish to be left alone is the dictionary definition of liberalism. The base statist ideology is surprising to dupes still following for a loudmouth phony despite a trail of destruction three decades long. Remind them that clan spelled with a “C” in this case.

We could even do better if we limited ourselves to fake fighters.  It sucks that someone who can’t even pretend to tussle is the first major party pretend wrestling candidate, especially since we missed our chance to nominate the late Rowdy Roddy Piper.  Now there’s a guy who could troll foreign leaders. It’d have been worth challenging the constitutional birth requirement to bring Piper’s Pit to the Oval Office.

There’s no reason to join this team.  Notably, Trump joined forces with the WWE after the era of good versus evil, long after noble Americans stomped out Soviet and Iranian jerks. As an association of amoral groups who feature no ideology beyond personality, the fake grapplers were perfectly appealing to Trump. The fact his wandering views are always repulsive is just a bonus. Dropping the pretense of sport after the animal people sued them, the focus turned to entertainment.  Trump isn’t even fun to watch flail.  A campaign hard when it won’t obey a script.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at

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