Miscast Nomination

Stunt casting gets attention in a way hiring a good actor can’t. Adding a big name to impress those who enjoy recognizing names on lobby posters is great unless you like quality productions.  I wish this election were fictional.  The man playing statist oaf Donald Trump is as unconvincing as Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne.  He also inherited a fortune, although he made mouthing off his superpower instead of funding cool gadgets.

An alleged star who bought his way into the GOP Hall of Justice hasn’t defeated any villains yet unless dignity counts. That enemy is hard to display. Superhero films usually just go with a demented-looking fellow who wants to blow up Earth from his vulgar fortress as an antagonist.  I’ve got a better role for the Republican nominee if anyone’s tired of plot holes.

I’m sure we’ll be fine aside from how buffoonery is now a virtue. Sophisticated contemporary man can’t tell the difference between being straightforward and simply obnoxious.  Those who choose boorishness to keep it real are the same ones who complain that conservatism gained nothing.  Well, you try winning elections while arguing with incredibly sane people promising unlimited free junk.

People who’ve read the Constitution are lucky to get in a few sentences. Those who’ve never even pondered that we could be solving our own crises are backed by crummy public schools, inane entertainment, and journalists who’d be amusing in their ineptness if they weren’t informing so many people.  Despite it all, a handful of people who don’t think businessmen are America’s greatest enemy have won elections.  How much progress would you find acceptable with a slim majority of a minority?

At least someone should respect what’s been prevented, from a hot war with the Soviets to even more industries owned by politicians who are unable to run their lives.  With the country’s state in mind, it’s amazing there’s anyone left who can remember a four-digit passcode. I just wish one party had nominated someone who fought Obamacare or bitch-slapped unions to see if they could go even bigger from the boss’s chair.

At least this election for Hell’s class president makes the case against the government running your life.  Would you prefer Hillary or Trump making your decisions? I don’t speak for anyone else, but I’d recommend saying no to both.  There’s no better argument for autonomy than 2016, which means this stupid time is not all horrific. At least learn from pain so there’s a little value.  Conservatism offers relief from being at the mercy of elderly despots, particularly these geezers.

I could use the opposite of some excitement.  These deliberately chaotic times can only be ended by someone boring, and that’s exactly what we won’t get.  I’m using the word in the sense of competent, although both major nominees are dull in their mendacity.

Even the randomness wearies, as the two horrid individuals facing off are predictable in how they’ll change answers.  Mrs. Clinton’s utterly calculated sentiments are only made more appalling by how we’ve had a quarter-century to learn she’s full of it.  Bubba’s legal queen could vouch for gravity and made water fall upward.

Perhaps you’d prefer a different kind of phony.  This is after all a nation with democratic principles.  There’s good news if you want id instead of ego.  Trump engages in the same repulsive pandering in a slightly less researched manner.  No, it’s not because he struggles with literacy, although you’d be excused for thinking that if you’ve attempted to read his tweets.

I said what you wanted to hear, so why don’t you love me for who I am? The tough-talking straight-shooter promises more of whatever got him applause.  Old-timers speak of days past when words meant something, although the 70-year-old Trump skipped that class at Wharton.  Doing whatever will get you votes during that particular five minutes is an interesting way to flaunt leadership.  You’d think a guy who thinks success comes in crudely parroting what you like wouldn’t have to boast about flimsy triumphs.

The fall should at least be thrilling.   But we snooze as the canyon floor approaches.  Trump’s tired insults embody the opposite of entertainment.  Post-Constitution America doesn’t even get the benefit of someone entertaining in charge of making confetti out of the founding document.  Could we at least get someone interesting to wreck things?  Unscripted reality means no compelling evildoer like Darth Vader will crush what’s left of the Republic.

Maybe those orange stubs will fumble away the lightsaber.  The nation could only be saved by Trump’s own ineptness, either by telling his voters the election’s in December or when citizens laugh off his executive order to cover every vertical surface with black glass.  If we’re lucky, he’ll do to America what he did to the USFL and Atlantic City. When has he bragged to obscure failure other than the past 40 years?

President Trump would bring about a conservative revolution.  Of course, it wouldn’t be like his sucker fans claim.  Instead, we’d just ignore him.  Living in defiance of an overbearing quasi-tyrant is a type of government reduction.  Boss everyone around while no one listens.  If it works for a hand-me-down empire where the only product is mouthing off, it’s bound to stomp out our gloom.  This script seems believable.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy. Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/604353.

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