Accustomed to Pain

The cramp is going to be just as bad for a bit longer.  You’re already accustomed to the pain, so don’t sweat this excruciating moment.  In fact, having the spears removed from our skulls will feel strange once it’s gone, although we still won’t miss bumping into door frames.  This familiar ache beats being beaten in a novel matter, especially since the country can’t take new welts.

Hunkering down for four more years doesn’t sound like a particularly inspiring plan.  But at least we’re already used to this particular agony.  Realizing the miasma is about to be extended by 50 percent is no fun.  But take what’s comfort available in the rut.  A political movement that recognizes life is essentially suffering is sort-of enjoying proof.  Thank Barack Obama for preparing us to shoulder the same crummy oppression.

How dare you view a semiliterate brutish phony with suspicion: we need a Supreme Court majority here.  Actually, I’m going to count this as inventory shrinkage.  Anyone who thinks a lifelong clown will ponder potential judicial nominees’ commitment to originalism undoubtedly also feels accenting a black glass skyscraper with chintzy gold represents genuine wealth. If a case of vital importance to the republic’s continued existence gets to the judiciary, then it’s already lost.

We have much bigger problems than an imaginary judge.  Worrying about small stuff is like saving your Garbage Pail Kids collection from a burning house.  Yes, it’s important to rescue Adam Bomb. But you still don’t have walls upon which to stick him.

An election where the worst-case scenario will win teaches us about expectations.  Settle for goals as modest as they are distant.  At least we’re learning the important lesson that life’s purpose is to be disappointed.  How about starting small?  Try to win the Senate in 2018 as a check on inevitable preposterous incursions into your checking account and autonomy.  It’s a goal distant enough that it feels like planning Cleveland’s Super Bowl parade.  But maybe envisioning will help.  We’ve tried everything else.  Donald Trump is Johnny Manziel with a brighter helmet.

Hillary’s greatest enemy is herself.  It sure isn’t the donor she’s facing. Watch her force through wretched schemes which will set back her cause more than every position paper we can generate.  Perpetual conniving aside, the person who’s lamentably doomed to win is not calculating enough to give up her wretched beliefs.

The first bad woman president could alleviate pain by expropriating foes’ causes like the last person with her name to win.  But the First Man will never be able to convince her to acquiesce like a zaftig intern, or whatever comparison works for her.  Sticking with her lamentable ideology will hurt her presidency and the nation.  It won’t stop her.

We don’t even get to choose from dopes who try to pretend to care we have a Constitution.  It’s beyond dismal that we have to prepare for a Clinton presidency after two terms of her appalling beliefs being put into practice.  Those who aren’t bracing for continued decrepitude may as well be surprised heroin doesn’t build muscle. Winning a race backward is nothing more than a practical matter now. She got to face the one buffoon who will assure her barftastic dream of sitting in the boss’s chair comes true despite her thoughts and conscience.

Choose which horrible thing you dread least.  Reality only lets failures get ahead so many times.  A Trump win is as frightening as it is implausible.  He doesn’t need your help getting crushed, so enjoy sitting this one out.  Watching those you know to be failures prove it may not fix the country, but it builds morale under the circumstances.  It’s too bad his voters never heeded one million warnings about his preposterous financial claims.  Can you still buy a New Jersey jersey?

If you tire of Trump henchmen being ever so pleasant, picture when they’ll take the blame.  It’s never too late for inferior white supremacists to learn the importance of accepting responsibility for historically appalling decisions.  They can try to evade, but they should know creditors tracked down their leader.

The real reason Trump’s shock force disavows individual rights is because they don’t want to be personally stuck with their atrocious taste in alliances.  Collective guilt is sure to follow mindless group decisions.  Sure, it seems exciting to join the stampede, but what about when the mindless herd decides you’re worth trampling?

All we can do is condemn attempts to taint properly-limited government with an improperly-limited oaf.  Just strive to keep a sad little raging man who thinks calling someone with a demonstrably higher IQ a dummy constitutes cleverness from being linked to small-government liberty.  We already know how to cope with noxious pushiness. Preparing for this moment wasn’t and isn’t fun.  But a sick world apparently doesn’t permit actual joyous success.  At least November won’t be your fault.  Watching while shaking your head beats being afire.  Let the immolators call 911 when they’re ready.

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at


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