One Fewer Kick

It’s hard to appreciate what’s going well when North Korea and Iran are racing to bully a country that’s already flattened its own economy. But suicide before capture isn’t always honorable.  The agony could be worse.  Such knowledge is the only way to get through juggling hot coals.  Imagine the horrifying scenario where liberals get all they want if you want to understand relief, or at least a bit less despondent.

The only thriving industries revolve around noting unhappiness.  It’d be nice to put them out of business.  Real capitalists should be willing to change with the times.  Instead, lazy fake laissez-faire fans would rather rely on government inefficiencies as a profit source. It’s not okay even if their funding is indirect.  Outrage broadcasters bitching about how ineffective Republicans didn’t pass enough of their agenda is less like a habit and more a reflex.  I’m unsure what exactly they wanted without the presidency.  Perhaps they expected a budget surplus and a magic show.  Pull a rabbit out of this.

One gets the sense that tantrum specialists would rather have something about which to complain than revel in good times.  That’s a sign of strong mental health.  A bout of rage that helps you feel important may not actually be beneficial. They result in the sort of impure demands for purity results in thinking Paul Ryan is insufficiently conservative but Donald Trump isn’t.

Many ostensible conservatives with access to airwaves or the internet have found a way to profit off your misery. That sounds sick to me. You don’t have to participate in their efforts to stay rich via poor stances.  Help them go financially bankrupt in addition to their moral emptiness by turning off broadcasts.  Sean Hannity can rage on in silence.

Creeps who never acknowledge successes should know purportedly spineless Republicans kept confiscation from getting worse.  The ingrates should send contributions to the IRS as punishment. It’s hard to measure if further income transfers have been stopped since 2010. But note the pain you’re not experiencing. You’re at concierge care less often than you could be.

As for your health, at least you’re not dead yet.  Without ticked-off senators, we’d have Canada’s health system, minus the smug manners. And moderate resistance ensured that today’s 19 trillion dollars of debt wasn’t just a good start.  We would have the same amount of nothing.  Perhaps slowing the descent won’t make the crash hurt less. But the only restraint available is worth applying.

National suffering isn’t enough: some of us need more localized agony for invigoration.  It’s an odd take on federalism.  Those who live in one of the Carolinas can at least enjoy not being pummeled any further for success.  For some of us Gothamites, the quality of life has never been quite fantastic.  But Bill de Blasio’s corrupt term of jerkiness reminds already cranky residents that circumstances can always get worse.

Impediments to liberal destruction are an unseen blessing.  There is less blood on the sidewalk than feared since the cop-loathing mayor sauntered into work late, so that should make my neighbors and me cheery.  Ask for directions to the M&M’s Store to see.  Thank the structural fundamentals put in place by mayors who actually loathed crime for keeping the incumbent from emasculating New York City cops. It’s hard to tear down the framework, especially for a mayor who’s as lazy as he is inept.  A slightly smaller increase in suffering counts as progress these days.

Hoping Democrats are held accountable for ruining everything is the best-case scenario.  So, that’s why nobody is at their sunniest. Compared to the comical alternatives, the only way to minimize anticipated suffering would be if President Hillary gets cocky and forgets everything she believes is bunk.  Her oblivious arrogance would lead to an electoral slaughter in 2018 that would be reminiscent of one that humbled some other president in 1994.  She could learn more from Bill if they were ever in the same room.

Liberal politicians should be glad for checks and balances no matter how much they curse them.  If they got to be autocrats as they desire, they’d ruin us much more quickly.  Crushing their dreams keeps ours from getting snuffed out.  A grumpy Republican with the ability to say no to a few things is the best friend a statist ever has.  Partially saving others from horrid ideas is an unopened gift.  They’ve never quite gotten the hang of gratitude.

Why don’t we have a flat tax yet, waaah?  Ingrates focusing on what’s absent aren’t about to be thankful for what they got. I thought conservatives were supposed to be grateful, what with optimism, sincerity, faithfulness, and all.  Instead, the Speaker of the House is apparently supposed to function as all three branches and maybe a fourth or fifth imaginary one.  Focusing on the three defeats of a boxer with a winning record is common ground that dreary faux conservatives share with bitchy liberals.  Let them look forward to getting none of what they want, as it’s the only thing they relish.  Mmmm, what’s not for dinner?

Anthony Bialy is a writer and “Red Eye” conservative in New York City. Follow him at Download a free ebook of his 2015 columns at

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