Use your imagination before it withers like an ignored muscle. For example, imagine a needle sticking in an actual muscle. We should be able to imagine that puncturing the skin is unpleasant; in fact, it’s the one thing keeping me off intravenous drugs. Stirring angel dust into Mountain Dew reportedly isn’t as effective. Regardless, I’d prefer an hourly tetanus shot to monitoring this election. Life is nothing more than a serious of scrapes to endure, so we may as well remember where the potholes are in order to avoid leaving more skin on the pavement. Those who need proof it’ll be bad should look at the bloody trail.
If you’re going to get pushed around, it may as well be by the person for whom you voted. These are uncommonly inspirational times. We could try just letting Americans be free to go off on their own and negotiate with whom they wish, but where’s the revenge in that? Appreciate the few certainties we have, like how either candidate would make us miss the simple days of roasting marshmallows on tire fires. Sweets are to be discouraged as a contribution to communal health expenses. Toast celery instead.
The disastrous application of extended power is a shared interest of both parties. The difference is one form of limp fascism will be blamed on right-wing capitalism. It’ll be the one that enjoyed a brief flirtation with obeying the Constitution and its proscriptions against legal harassment of free men. To be fair, trickle-down economics is cited as cause of crises during the eight-year bout with statism. Some get caught stealing from grandpa’s lockbox and still blame it on the nurse.
I’m sorry to interrupt whatever phone game is worth wandering into traffic. But this may be a good time to use the same device to learn history using an app that permits accessing every fact ever. Studying is not as bad as it sounds: think of it like reading gossip blogs from ancient times. Just absorb enough olden anecdotes to notice patterns. When life seems like unconnected randomness, people end up thinking they can’t improve themselves without antagonizing countries who send us goods in exchange for our volunteered dollars.
Let’s be optimistic. Try the same things again and see if it changes, like leaving oysters at room temperature in the hopes they’ll stay fresh. Fans of big government shouldn’t be smug about their allegedly pro-science stance when extensive experimentation has demonstrated the folly of letting Chuck Schumer approve business deals. America has become the Cleveland Browns of world events without the benefit of a high draft pick to waste. In lieu of a basketball title to assuage our pain, accept another ten trillion dollars in debt.
Sometimes, a kick in the groin isn’t enough to know the experience is unpleasant. The next time may tickle, so re-crank that leg. The frightening part is people can endure the pain and still not learn. The past eight years have been a tolerance test. Apparently, enough of the electorate wanted to prove they could endure at least 50 percent more. You’ve already shown your resilience, so why keep shredding money? Brace for another four years of treating comically villainous foes as chums while hoping the economy thrives if we let you spend less of what you’ve earned.
We’re doomed for more collectivism no matter who wins. See how noticing trends can help? Rent-seeking conglomerates and shifty Russians will benefit, unlike those who’ve been conditioned to bitch that only the president with the same decoder ring can cure unfairness. Cruel irony can still be appropriate. Everyone locked out has to fear brokenness in more ways than one. That minimum wage hike will make you rich starting next week, so don’t worry about working for a promotion.
Pursuing the same policies that caused us to smash into the sea doesn’t seem like adept piloting. We’re supposed to learn from previous nose dives. Instead, well-informed modern man either doesn’t realize what’s failing or thinks we haven’t plummeted fast enough. The only other explanation is outright ignorance, and that doesn’t sound like anyone we know.
The thought of unshackled life is terrifying. Get a taste of fresh air and beg to be let back in prison. The yard wasn’t that brutal, right? A memory can’t disappear if it’s never created. Tough experiences are useless if we don’t learn how to avoid them. The next election will bring the competent managers of centralized prosperity through glorious submission. If not, another pain term will just be evidence that we need to vote more faithfully.