Golden Anchor

Count dragging fellow winners to the ocean floor as just one more success for the Republican candidate.  Let’s look for treasure in the trench. He won’t even charge you for the spray paint that makes it gold and therefore classy.  Anyone who notices the listing better inflate the floaties.  There’s a whole party for Donald Trump to taint if you think he’ll never follow through on anything.

Like losing money on owning roulette tables, this hideous election will bring shame long after it’s over.  The regrettable affiliation is not going to end just because an egomaniac gets whooped by the worst Democrat imaginable.  Waking up won’t end this nightmare.  The Party of Coolidge will now be linked to a statist with hideous ideas on creating wealth who thinks bragging about the applause he got in a hall packed with his henchmen is the classy path to take.  It’ll be hard fitting why the connection isn’t whole in one tweet.

Maybe it’s you who are too modest.  For those who still experience the humiliation of decency, taking a step from the man who considers bragging a virtue is inadequate. You’re still at a Justin Bieber concert even if you’re in different sections. “I’m a Republican but not like him” is not a convincing slogan.  You’d need a second bumper sticker to explain the context.  Having to note you don’t think a Supreme Court nominee should spur insurrection is just the latest example of how a faker who knows nothing of conservatism makes life difficult for Thomas Sowell’s fan club. The burst penthouse pipes damage the entire structure.  Trump will reverse the bad deal with gravity.

There’s no chance for sophisticated debate while fake rape accuser and actual molester Lena Dunham is representing a party.  Try to explain the difference between mutual commerce and letting a politician too dim to manage inventory sell business rights.  Then try to explain long division to a dog.  Voters don’t scrutinize details; after all, some of them brought us Donald.

The most simplified take imaginable is necessary in the time of Snapchat. Analyzing nuances isn’t going to work on people who still think Mitt Romney hates Big Bird.  Republicans are for businesses and Trump embodies both, according to those who think socialism means helping each other.  Many are eligible to vote.

Your Republican conman is proficient buying special treatment, including from the similarly awful woman he faces.  Paying rent at city hall, the governor’s mansion, or Capitol somehow became equated with unfettered capitalism.  I blame schools funded by a similar process. Point out government’s job is to monitor fraud without siding with either party to inspire bafflement.  You may as well explain to people born post-1990 why you blew into video game cartridges to get them to work.

Subtlety is not treasured in a rather noisy ecosystem.  Pump out your distorted theory as quickly as possible to imprint it on impatient modern brains.  Facts only get in the way of narrative.  Heck, there are people among us who think Trump is a multibillionaire.  Ask to borrow five dollars for lunch, and he might turn you down for reasons beyond being a miserly jerk.

It’s already frustrating to point out the scummy peddling of politician-sanctioned benefits is not capitalism.  The ostensible GOP figurehead embodies exactly the sort of rent-seeking favoritism Hayek readers have been condemning, in part because they’re tired of free trade being linked to costly dealmakers.

Many pre-Trump Republicans spent quite a bit of your money cutting deals that pretend special consideration for any particular business embody capitalism.  Now, the outlaw candidate wants to inject the same corrupt system with meth.  Enjoy eating before your teeth fall out.

Democrats are just more open about babysitting your debit card.  The eminent domain aficionado doesn’t want to take over the takeover system in the name of open negotiation, either: he’s just hoping to bribe his constituency.  Red-hatted ensigns have formed a queue.  The most depressing part of a thoroughly melancholy year is how many resentful voters want their own goon to dole out plundered treasure.  Now that’s relaxing.

Maybe the boat won’t sink as quickly from the aft.  It’s a slight relief to not defend any candidate’s inevitable foolish lapses, especially seeing as ineptness is the norm with these particular two.  Unfamiliar emotions make these days even more confusing.  We’ve discovered it’s possible to be angry and upset this is happening yet still feel detached form it.  Jason Voorhees is smashing through our cabin door, and we watch like it’s a movie.  The machete looks sharp.

There’s enough alienation among those who want the freedom to earn in a way neither candidate ever has.  The sensible folks left don’t care about the election yet know its results will royally roger the country.  Those who both know and care how this country is supposed to work are in for a long political exile.  So, take joy in unencumbered wandering.  At least there’s no curfew.  Even better, there are no suckers to defend, so let the idiots attack each other. You may be related to Jerry Springer guests, but you don’t have to be onstage.

Trump fans would never fall for a politician promising to cure the sick. They just want a guy who will magically make them rich by shoving mean high school classmates into lockers.  Oh, and he wants single-payer health insurance.  The same purportedly cynical types who mocked the thought Obama would usher in peace before starting the jukebox by hitting it hope Trump will bring glory to their unfulfilling lives.  Their hero will reverse all the mean things life has done to them, because they’re totally not compensating with online rage.

Backward economic ideas that would’ve found a home in the less classy Germany are all the rage in very modern America. That wall Berlin had seemed to work; are those guys around to build it?  It’s bad enough for anyone to believe a trade war with everyone but our new Russian pals will engender pleasantness.  But it’s particularly appalling for a party that defeated communism through free exchange of blue jeans to turn nationalistic in a centralized way.  Take our names off this.

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