The Broken Clock Party

Liberals being right this one time is one of those unique 2016 torments that will inspire flinching in distant years, presuming America survives a bout with whichever shrill autocrat is unpopularly elected.  Proving wretched specimens who accuse every foe of rotten intentions correct is just one more subject to include in an endless thank-you note to Donald Trump.  It’s so bizarre to see, say, a New York Times columnist’s tweet about the Republican candidate and sigh out of agreement for a change.

There’s nothing lamer than Democrats claiming everyone who votes differently is sexist, racist, and homophobic.  Now, you can find all that just in Trump’s fans’ Twitter bios.  The caricature of a tycoon confirms their worst notions of wealth even though he’s just playing along with their fantasy.  The lame attempt to mimic the trappings like marble everywhere and gold everything is totally the opposite of tacky, so squash the thought that Trump is pathetically attempting to con you.

Condemn capitalism using someone who has nothing to do with it.  Trump’s meager successes have stemmed from buying favors exactly like an actual free market wouldn’t permit.  It would be much harder for him to make lame claims about being worth 11 figures if he couldn’t tip political strippers from each party, including wads of cash in Hillary’s G-string.  If you think that’s the most repulsive image in political history, imagine how Bill feels.

Contrary to the Montgomery Burns stereotype, conservatives aren’t about favoring the seller over the worker or consumer.  Adherents only want mutually voluntary conditions for negotiations.  By contrast, businessmen are rarely for open business, as they either seek carveouts for themselves or regulations that encumber competitors.  Trump is exceptional in his contempt for a level playing field.  That’s only a problem if politicians let him get away with it, or if he’s, you know, president of the United States.

The only thing that makes smug liberals sanctimoniously condemning whatever stupid thing the tangerine boor did this hour tolerable is the overlap.  From a broad notion of how much bossing he’d be allowed to his desire for spending other people’s money on redundant road maintenance, liberals would be shocked how often they agree with Trump.  Point it out to spur reactions that marginally soften the realization that one of these two garbage piles will win.

The election will determine who’s the next Democratic president.  At least they employ different styles.  The big difference between Obama/Hillary scheming and Trump cloddishness is how the former know they’re breaking the Constitution.  They pretend to care, while he pretends to be a Republican.  Trump’s in the cocky Caucasian Woodrow Wilson/Manzanar proprietor Franklin Roosevelt old school.  The only funny part of an entirely humorless election is noting the wannabe czar fulfills their desire for authoritarianism. Streamlining bills becoming laws would be the most efficient thing Trump ever does.

The lust for expanding power either comes in defiance or ignorance of our system.  Which inspirational take on semi-elected tyranny do you prefer?  Elections are more fun when seething leftists argue that anyone who notes the government sucks at buying useful products is Lucifer’s minion.  Let’s get back to them, say, calling Ted Cruz satanic for obeying our system’s rules.

Returning to accurate condemnation of properly-limited government would truly make America great again.  Meanwhile, liberals can still pretend that they prefer the classy Mitt Romney when they demonized him for putting a dog on a car roof and turning around businesses by firing redundant employees.

You’d think Trump’s Democratic haters would appreciate the phony titan’s Obama-style emptiness.  Calling things sad or failing represents the intellectual prowess we’ve come to expect.  It would’ve helped if he read the Constitution.  But he’d have to know it exists first.  Still, who needs a literacy test when you have principles?  Well, he has a principle.  Trump deeply adores the thought of a government he runs spending your money, you know, just like a true conservative. Add a cultish touch of worship to get a guy who’d serve Obama’s third term.  Both hopefuls have earned the same amount of honest dollars as the incumbent.  This is not what we meant by bipartisanship.

Yes, the American left got one thing right.  But they better not get cocky any more than a broken clock should.  Accusing everyone with a different party registration of being an orphan-punching bigot doesn’t make them perspicacious: it means their roulette number happened to come up this one time about a guy who lost money running a roulette wheel. Sad folks who think life offers nothing but randomness self-confirm by treating everyone who disagrees as a monster.  How dare you want to murder gays by not changing marriage.

Most of all, Trump’s left-leaning fans are right that he’ll hurt their cause.  Nobody has done more to help Democrats in general and Hillary Clinton in particular.  Giving liberals access to power will mean they screw up even more, which may mercifully someday inspire a change in electoral direction away from limp despotism.  See?  Trump was a Republican all along.

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