Don’t Tread on Me Again

Why do all these Constitution-reading lunatics want to be left alone? The only thing harder to make than money is decisions, so forget about these silly rules and decide which candidate is right for you to heed.

The cool new debate is about just how our superiors are going to take our money and decisions to please us.  Competing visions of how to interfere with our hours would make the Founders proud.  I vaguely recall us getting different options at one point, but that sort of contrarian thinking harmed unity.  Let’s unite behind whoever will bully us into prosperity the best.  No: the other one.

America’s greatness exists precisely because the government isn’t involved.  Inverting it would be like thinking all it takes to make a hit movie is the Ghostbusters logo, and nobody’s that foolish, right? Conflating big government with our success has led to us being remarkably unsuccessful.  Naturally, both presidential candidates proclaim they will make us submit more for our own good.  Our faith just wasn’t strong enough.

Autocratic dreaming is now a hobby of both Democrats and Republicans.  Embrace togetherness. The single choice for government proves why statism is so rotten.  We’re too exhausted to appreciate the irony, much less do anything about changing direction.  The sultry popularity of lousy ideas is why parties agreeing is rarely as pleasant as portrayed.  Lucky voters can choose between a side that thinks the nation’s suckiness can be remedied by acting like Europeans and another that holds a strongman can impose greatness.  I don’t even remember which is which and no longer care.

A confused percentage of your neighbors love the government part of America despite how it’s what record company executives are to music. Now, we roll our eyes at pointless chest-thumping.  The country ensures worst sort of nationalism where the bumbling monster is praised as the source of pride.  This isn’t liberals condemning Independence Day fireworks as jingoistic: worse, those who think an escalating tax rate embodies fairness bragging about how sweet this place is due to mandatory insurance and a horrible retirement plan.  Renowned putzes impose happiness by spending what was ours.

It’d be fun to be that delusional without drugs.  Examples of good government work don’t quite spring to mind even under the influence of narcotics. Some cite the Hoover Dam as our greatest achievement, as if a wall to hold water was the highest achievement to attain.  Or maybe it was coming together to win World War II, where all it took was fascists trying to conquer the globe and hundreds of thousands of American lives to sort-of get the economy started.  This is a good time to note that citizens have resorted to driving each other around and renting rooms in order to afford cell phone bills.  Whisper about the gig economy so regulators don’t stomp out the last remaining chances for trade.

Let’s be smart enough to try more of the same policies that made anemia a national disorder.  Maybe there wasn’t enough centralization, just like the cure to slurred speech is another martini.  Some pundits wonder why manufacturing jobs are as scarce as enthusiastic voters.  The key to an exciting life is never paying attention.

This contraption works only because we’re left alone.  Americans excel precisely because they’re not ordered what to do.  There’s no need to speculate about how poorly the opposite would work, as that dystopian nightmare is our unpleasant reality.  I’d like to wake up in a world where those who sell us things are respected more than those who order us to buy things.  But the trend upon leaving bed is to suppress the pesky autonomous part of human nature.

The weak definition of strength has plagued us, although not enough for a the sort of electoral revolt which would allow an actual choice.  These are sad times for the warrior who just wants to go home and tend to his crops.  The debates will be about whether his farm should be seized via eminent domain to build a casino or whether he should be taxed for growing more corn than he needs.  Fighting is the least wearying option.

The government designed to have a minimum role so it wouldn’t infringe on our lives is lauded when two clods who got rich despite totaling exactly zero useful skills vie for the presidency.  It’s not exactly surprising.  Both contenders are comfortable without earning it.

Exploiting blatant rule-breaking is lucrative for lawyerly gangsters unconcerned with who doesn’t benefit from shady networking.  One of them will rise to the next outrageous level while condemning those who worked for less.  America is impressive because of its people in general.  These people in particular are exceptions.

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