Outside Winning

A homeless man eating out of the trash would offer a different perspective.  By definition, anyone hoping you left cheese on the pizza box is outside the establishment.  I apologize to hungry transients for comparing them to the Republican hopeful.  A person who has no clue what they’re doing will only be so effective, if you can believe it. Many Republicans are surprised by that seemingly obvious update.  Let them know gently about Santa.  He’s just another guy who won’t bring free things.

Often, the unconventional path is avoided because it leads somewhere stupid. Traditional approaches are effective in tedium.  Talk to a hall monitor if you want to catch the smokers.  Likewise, recruit someone with knowledge for any mission of sabotage. Only an inside man can access the levers needed to open the floodgates.  I know at least one candidate who thinks a sledgehammer will do the trick.  Can he do enough pushups by Election Day to lift one?

Despite understandable contempt for government, the country needs someone a little familiar with the process.  A soccer player wonders why it’s so hard to dribble a football.  Maybe that’s why Trump couldn’t make the USFL work.  I’m sure he learned modesty and hasn’t just repeated the same mistakes while bragging for decades.

There’s a reason jerks get into politics. Pretending to care is a useful skill in the useless field.  We stick anyone who can’t make an honest buck in elections to keep them away from the cash register.  The running poser isn’t good at either field, which somehow shocked the plurality of primary voters who will be eternally tattooed with their support for a most unpleasant knucklehead.

Knowing how to respond and campaign is important.  Yes, it’s a shock.  We watch the emblematic example of the opposite try to fake his way to the bell. Calling someone polished isn’t necessarily an insult.  Politics is a good field for sticking egomaniacs somewhere.  But discipline’s the key. The defining characteristic of a winner is the ability to focus.  On the other hand, there’s Trump.

Fight from the outside with a perfect insider.  It makes sense as much as anything else that’s happened during this most pleasant of races. Trump has begged as much as he can to be let in to the cool kids’ clubhouse.  He sort-of succeeded if bribery counts. To be fair, this pouty troglodyte is only superficially connected to the establishment thanks to his contributions. I wonder if there’s a word for someone who has to pay for it.  All I know is that buying access is the utmost sign that an individual is both a shrewd negotiator and a commercial success.

Someone who bought access is sure to know how to stop anyone else from obtaining membership, right?  Much like how only Nixon could go to China, only Trump could bitch about it.  A pathetic joiner is just the guy to stick it to the epitome of corruption.  Sure, it seems like he stands for all the worst things about entrenched power without truly having earned it, much less understanding it.  But writing a check is all it takes.  He’s totally changed now.  The party nominated a literal RINO, which is fine, as every druggie you’ve ever met has proven to be trustworthy upon announcing it.

It’s conceivable that an outsider could be a legitimate contender and decent president.  It’s just not going to be this outsider.  A lifetime pitifully spent attempting to convince others that gold plating equals success is making one last pitch to join.  Yes, he had to open his own country clubs, but that was because others weren’t up to his membership standards.  Maybe he doesn’t want to join your crummy group, anyway; it all depends on whether you vote him in. Incompetence isn’t helping his case.  It’s probably wise to know how to organize a campaign before starting it.  Oh, and you’re supposed to buy ads.  Reince Priebus should write that on a Post-it.

Why is the all-time business titan unable to even start an operation? Well, he’s just keeping it real.  Do whatever’s necessary to rattle the dinner plates.  Irritating others is all it takes.  If crazy notions don’t work, then how come Trump’s TV steaks failed? Yet the election is frustrating to followers who thought it’d be fun to flip off everyone.  I figured a guy with such an awesome commercial racket would be able to apply his knowledge of selling bottled water to winning enough electoral votes.  Having no damn clue what he’s doing was supposed to be a virtue. But Trump will do fine once the world realizes it’s supposed to change for him.

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