Political Synonyms

Republicans are not conservatives.  Can we at least learn one thing from an election that’s worth zero?  The coincidental overlap is no longer frequent enough to be considered a trend.  Donald Trump is the natural result of an unholy process.  Political parties are now random tribes, with pesky membership requirements like principles discarded.  One seems to like the Pledge of Allegiance more, but distinctions between factions throwing rocks at each other are otherwise absent.  They do know they hate each other.

The refusal to stand for anything approaching constitutional can’t precisely be considered a trait of small-government backers.  Our nation’s rulebook has that whole respect for limits and all.  But the document is almost 8,000 words with amendments, and reading the equivalent of a book chapter doesn’t appeal to a very literate candidate who can’t put together a coherent tweet.

Give Trump a break: the only reason he won’t make the case for natural rights is on account of how he’s unaware they exist.  If that makes him seem like a poor choice for a presidential candidate, well, think about that during the next nomination process.  Who can restrain themselves when there are others to jostle?  A kind and benevolent wannabe despot sees nothing but a chance to seize power, which is especially appalling for someone with a track record of flaccidity.  If you’re serious about pitching opportunity to every single voter, don’t nominate the worst person possible to do so.

Bitching that conservative politicians have done nothing is a popular hobby among those whose accomplishments consist of watching and frowning. It’s hard to notice the baby not crying on the flight, but try to sense what troubles were avoided.  Above all else, inattentive observers apparently haven’t learned from 2016 that everything can get worse.  There’s no reason to experience pain if you can’t use it as training to avoid future ache.

All that screaming drowned out those noting modest accomplishments. Congressional Republicans have tied a tourniquet that cut off the bleeding, and all some purported conservatives can do is bitch about the numb limb.  Note that Marco Rubio interdicted on Obamacare bailouts to a Rush Limbaugh listener in order to prompt confusion. Thinking out scenarios doesn’t appeal to diehard remaining Dittoheads.  There mad they were set up with Mitt, so they’re going to marry a mental patient.  Nominating a power-mad phony autocrat to John McCain’s left is really showing the establishment.

A posing favor purchaser merely confirms Republicans aren’t pro-business.  Whether by nominating statists or an inability to please customers, the campaign backs up every suspicion about the lack of mutual interests.

Going meek nationally is exactly the wrong strategy.  The party doubles down on feebleness at a bankrupt gambling hall. Don’t let Trump’s bluster fool you: he’s even more spineless than the typical presidential nominee.  Saying whatever the crowd wants to hear is the opposite of bluntness.  A cursory look at his business record would show it’s habitual.  He’s rather inept at pleasing customers despite acting like they’re always right.  There’s no better place to watch the USFL championship than Trump Plaza.

Republicans will remain doomed nationally until they find a candidate willing to murder every federal agency that crosses the path. Instead, they face a massive loss without standing for principles, which doesn’t seem like a win-win.  Mangle conservative positions worse than Stephen Colbert does while standing to Hillary’s left for maximum results.  The nominee calls for federal action every time he’s nailed down if you thought he was unprincipled.  Trump is not like Walter Mondale: nobody was beating Reagan.  By contrast, any 35-year-old naturally-born citizen able to tie shoes and politely identify half of the government to murder would’ve beaten Hillary.  Also, I’d eat lunch with Mondale.

It’s no fun to watch a Super Bowl between the Patriots and Cowboys, as there should be at least one team to not hate.  The GOP is Dallas, as this just isn’t their season yet again.  You’d think a party with a vague connection to appreciating commerce would want to act differently just for contrast’s sake.  The syndicate would be better off losing like Goldwater while letting the world know there’s an option aside from loving Big Brother.  But this is a special year.  Also, “special” can refer to a volcano that only devastates a continent once per century.

Republicans are about to be trounced a staggering margin without establishing worthwhile principles.  It’s truly the best of both worlds.  Instead of making the case that self-reliance is a fun adventure that’s also legal, the ever-visionary Party of Hoover figured voters wanted a crabbier warlord.  If anyone interested was sincere about embracing free markets, they could start by setting an example about pursuing the best choices.


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