Hassled by Law

The one thing humans have learned is that government can only interfere.  To be fair, it is good at that.  Feel free to ignore the consistency of examples if you like surprises, but it seems masochistic. The surest way to fix problems is to pretend these ornery terrorists won’t kill us, presuming we avoid drowning in debt first. It’s hard to support a properly-restrained apparatus without first learning it’s an option.  I credit public schools.  Perhaps more funding would help whippersnappers entrusted to the same government.  A monopoly on molding kids who turn into appalling adults offers another fine example.

A good president would be bored, and not in the golf-as-a-vocation denial only the commander-in-chief can presently afford.  Barack Obama needs to distract himself from the troubles caused by whoever’s president.  The stubborn fool should’ve learned by now to stop attempting to manage the entire economy from the Oval Office.  Some future pleasant president will hopefully heed the example of this astounding mismanagement and properly limit the job’s scope.  Check that the tax rate remains flat hourly and Skype foreign leaders while tapping a revolver on the desk.  Add in cutting ribbons at any new Jimmy John’s locations, and a shrewd president would earn the right to clock out at 5.

Modesty would help, especially for an incumbent and successor with much for which to be humble.  The right to make decisions on how to best use what you earn should be implied. Revoking it creates unnecessary agony that enough people apparently enjoy.  Hey: stick with whatever turns you on.  Just stop inflicting freaky desires on others.  The head of state should set an example of letting everyone float their own boats.  Instead, we get a presidential foreman trying to fuel the machinewith looted currency and positive vibes.

Trying to name a federal program that’s made people richer is tricky, so just assume it happens.  Approach the problem with wholesale faith which is sure to be rewarded.  We must quash thoughts that all our masters do well is irk.  Otherwise, the cargo will never be delivered to the cult. Liberalism is theocracy where worship is never rewarded unless you can afford a dull meeting with the Clintons.

Government’s inherently bothersome nature explains why its few successes involve restraining human activity.  After all, it can only force.  Securing borders, imprisoning felons, and pointing nuclear-tipped missiles at mouthy tinpot despots are good examples of force preventing naughtiness. A kind leader would use the power of hassling against troublemakers, leaving the well-behaved to pursue interests and interact with others doing same.  Here on Planet Stupid, we try to bribe bullies.

An election where every criticism could be aimed at either side is convenient in its way.  But it’d be better to have more options than when selecting the Politburo.  For now, neither party recognizes that the government’s granted wishes teach lessons about ruing catches added by genies. Ideally, at least one side would pretend to step out of the way.  Exhausted citizens would settle for a straddle. The only steps are taken to rearrange boots on our necks.  No, it’s not to ensure we can breathe better.

Counting on the president to dispense happiness like Pez leads to sour stomachs.  Buy your own sweets.  Relying on one person is the whole problem, especially with the person we have now and the two people who sadly compete to take his place.  Notice how those who promise to make life perfect make it horrifying if you need more cruel irony in your day.

Big talk with no good action seems to be a common trait among those with scant accomplishments despite boasts, hmmmm.  Let’s never pick up on patterns, as such skepticism interferes with the ability to obey specific instructions to obtain earthly bliss.  The next Powerball ticket will be the one that breaks the string.

Ignore that nagging feeling from childhood about how easy promises end up hurting hard.  You were just a dumb kid.  Grown-up you should think of how the election will enrich you, ensure pain is eradicated, and help you lose that last five pounds of doughnut indulgence.  That’s the mature approach.  Why remember the puberty’s travails?  People get way smarter as they age, I’ve heard.

A wise adolescent would be learning that election benefits ought to be indirect.  The lack of legal interference as you pursue a career means tough work, which is why so many suckers attempt the easy path. A truly effective president would tell you there’s no avoiding sweat while personally toiling to reduce the fear of ordinary Americans being slaughtered at the office.  Those least qualified to be arrogant are the most likely to exhibit it.  It’s fine to nominate dunces as long as they realize their limitations.  Prototypical fools think they can cure foolishness.  See if modesty sets in after another four damn years.

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