Tease Your Vote

For the nation’s health and your sanity, mock your candidates.  We need the humor in these profoundly unfunny moments.  And the vying dolts are begging to have safe spaces violated.  Tease contenders even if you like them.  In fact, roasting should follow especially if you like them.  As purveyors of a monopoly, public servants need to be held accountable.  That’s your job, I’m afraid to say.  But at least it’s fun to lampoon jerks inflicting stupid laws upon your life. Treat it like revenge, which is the best way to see such a check and balance.  A middle finger is the greatest insult to those who need to see the digit most.

As is befitting of an election where two candidates offer one unpleasant choice, each is domineering.  Their individual unpleasantness manifests itself in slightly different manners, so you do get a choice, although it’s doubtful most voters could distinguish who each is by just a description of personality traits.  At least we get to choose which soft hopeful who longs to project strength will overcompensate early into 2021.  Intolerance of criticism is part of projecting autocracy.  Sad fools confuse it with strength.

This would be a Milli versus Vanilli election no matter what.  But at least ponder how much better-prepared each would be if they were subject to skepticism from their own hires.  Nobody at Trump Tower or the Clinton Foundation would dare point out a shoelace was untied, much less patent ignorance or soulless corruption.  Insolence would get a Donald confidante replaced by an illegal immigrant.  Meanwhile, a lackey questioning Hillary would be subject to a caning the fool wouldn’t soon forget.  Humbly asking to serve the nation can’t compete with messianic preening.  By sheer chance, arrogant candidates both think they can warp the world to their respective standards.

People should learn to disrespect public leaders, as that respects our country. Veneration leads to a nation of men and not laws, which I believe to be backward.  Nothing could be more contrary to American values than to admire some pompous twit who got slightly more than half the votes.  Nurture the instinct to despise anyone who wants an office.  Arrogant suck-ups are to be reflexively seen with suspicion.

Tough love does politicians a favor.  Meanness leads to thicker hides, which any half-decent leader needs.  It’s too late now to save us from another dreadful four years.  But harassment would’ve benefited each of these atrocious numbskulls, especially considering what bullies they are.  Pushing back would’ve taught them both a valuable lesson about why they’re actually the ones who deserve shoving.

If nothing else, don’t nominate off-putting goons.  Let them try to eke out a living by doing unfulfilling menial work like every other brutish loser from your high school.  Don’t help erstwhile unpleasant classmates have a job to brag about at reunions.

Give in by order for unity.  Both of these incredibly unique potential presidents expect submission, with the punishment of being locked out of paradise only the beginning.  Conflate America’s greatness with being bossed around to see just how long we can go without three percent growth.  Choosing between a pair of unpleasant narcissists is a byproduct of concluding a posing executive orders progress into being.  A third term of vainly trying to reverse the tides may be all it takes for the public to finally learn about the weakness of bluffing toughness.

Don’t bother with lessons now, as it’s too late for these coddled geezers. Teachers have to get to students before the latter reach age 70 for the virtue of humility to settle in.  Next time, nominate at least one candidate humble enough to realize an election doesn’t endow Zod-like power.  Human limits on power require the electorate to learn no president can fix troubled lives via diktat.

Dedicated effort is the only path to improvement.  I know work sucks.  But the alternative is hoping a president stirs a wealth-creating elixir into reservoirs.  The Treasury Department can’t get the formula down or remove the bitter aftertaste.  All the government can do well is harass you.

Those who are younger in spirit and sharper in mental faculty than these hoary and dim options should look away from officeholders for inspiration.  Thinking a politician is swell leads to ignoring ample faults, all of which result in lost access to future decisions.  It should be an honor to serve.  Instead, we’re supposed to revere obvious buffoons.

Anyone from the country wise enough to reject the pinko metric system should reflexively gag at the thought of obeying a mandate from a bombastic putz.  The sort of president who’d agree with a lofty assessment inevitably sucks inversely.  Isn’t the guy who made the world love us so cool?

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