Cover Songs

How can you be loyal to an idea?  They don’t even exist, kind of.  You can’t hold a notion against your rib cage like a shady campaign donation or impossibly tacky furniture that oafs think is classy. But a race between two of the most materialistic candidates possible reaffirms there are things money can’t buy, even if the president-elect isn’t one of them.

The concept of obtaining items is what makes the act possible.  Freedom to trade unleashes free people.  Admiring a dreamboat candidate who promises to crush trade partners doesn’t help, especially if he’s infamous for lusting after goods without respecting the acquisition process.

Committing to unfettered interaction is crucial if we hope to finally get a good Republican.  Let’s keep our eye out now for one who isn’t either a boring mush or a boorishly dim autocrat. The chance to reverse the cultish political approach seems as remote as three percent growth, but that’s why we have principles. This election was a test of character, so note who failed.

We certainly weren’t about to have our rights defended by a 70-year-old who knows as many words as a seven-year-old.  A guy who couldn’t sell football to Americans won while failing to make the case for natural rights he found artificial.  But our freedoms remain even if both the winner and popular vote-winning runner-up refuse to respect them.  Everyone has the right to conduct and mind one’s own business, including the hateful nationalists who backed him and the shrill Hillary fans who didn’t realize how often they agree with his policies.  Amuse yourself with any irony you can find during these dark times.

A simple person couldn’t sell pretty simple goals.  To be fair, the Democrat serving as the Republican president has a consistent sales record despite his boasts, although regularly over-promising isn’t a virtue.  The eminent domain fan who was quite open about buying favors wasn’t about to promote voluntary mutual exchange. People can choose how to trade, which doesn’t mean getting sweetheart deals from those who schemed their way into office.  If you have no skills, selling access is an easy way to get rich.

The response is the cause.  Paying our own bills is worlds easier if there aren’t restrictions.  Draining the economy to help people have more money may not be as compassionate as it seems.  Next election, let’s have at least one non-welfare queen from which to choose.  The guy who thought free speech should cost you may not possess the proper instincts to defend people sick of being nagged by the stupid freaking government.  What does he know about the joy of open commerce?  Now, he can sell favors.

The dainty establishment candidates were too liberal, which is why Republicans went with a big-government brute.  Someone inclined to control is not about to cut off bureaucracy at the knees.  A kneeler who pretended to tower won thanks to a foe who could barely stand.  A frighteningly high percentage of voters want a strongman with the same party affiliation even if you can see the outline on his blazer of the old insignia.

Remember to criticize silliness no matter the letter that follows a candidate’s name.  Mocking your own side is a reminder that everyone connected with politics is a toxic egotist begging to be punctured. Call out Republicans if they pimp something cloaked as sensible. Take tax credits, which pretend that rewarding certain behavior is proper federal conduct.  Give everyone the same damn rate instead of bribing what your side likes.  We should be indifferent to how kids spend allowances they earned.

Of all the Trumpian nightmares that will haunt the Stupidest Party, they’ll hopefully be visited by the specter of phoniness.  His miracle conversion to constitutional foundations that he could remember would shame Saint Paul.  Uncannily, he just happened to start believing in unalienable rights the moment he commandeered the party that used to believe in them.  He’s already forgotten the term.

Suffering through a different party’s term with the same encroachment will again be pointless without remembering what to change.  Thankfully, it’s easy to remember the goals of helping yourself by earning and others by spending or giving.  Find people who match your criteria instead of trying to convince yourself same criteria’s in people. Government is to human achievement what Hillary is to campaigning. There’s nothing rarer than a successful marriage where one party tries to change the other.  I fear another divorce for Trump.

Those hoping to be seduced are willing to settle.  But it takes a hopeful with half-decent beliefs to take on a subjugation peddler.  Don’t copy the opposition if they rely on something gross.  Republicans learned the wrong lessons by attempting to replicate Obama’s effect. Liberals need a charismatic charlatan to sell their squalid take on servitude.  Ideas about surrendering autonomy to a government that’s gambling away your pension don’t sell themselves.  Now, the GOP has a guy who has vowed to spend fortunes of your money on infrastructure and entitlements.  It’s to help you get rich.

Trump is an imperfect example in countless ways.  He’s not inspirational except to those clueless enough to think a garish loudmouth with an extensive history of mucking up what should’ve been easy is classy and tough.  But the point still remains that contempt for a government as lawless as it is feeble should, well, trump personal style.  It’s just especially so in his case.

The Numbers Are In

The five wisest humans are Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Rihanna, and Lady Gaga.  This is indisputable.  Science confirms high fan numbers mean lots of people like something, and that solid confirmation in turn means the most arrogant and thus best among us are our most worthwhile examples.  Let the Intergalactic Council know we have selected paragons as Earth’s embodying representatives.  Now that’s girl power.

Our species is renowned for valuing wisdom above all.  Twitter follower quantities are thus the best way to establish self-worth.  There’s literally a count of how many others are willing to listen to you, and this is an era for tangibility.  Do not argue with statistics unless you’d like to be defeated by a cold, hard number.  A high percentage of us couldn’t possibly have atrocious inclinations.

But what if quality is unrelated to popularity?  The notion that a lot of people could be wrong seems dangerous.  Popular tastes reflect the fat part of the bell curve.  Trust humans to make their own decisions while never trusting that they’ll be anything less than tasteless.

Set aside what we can learn about a culture that adulates the most vapid ladies imaginable.  The disturbing lack of talent among pompous dolts who can launch a fashion line of hideously revealing threads with a single tweet reminds us that trendy doesn’t necessarily equal good. Remember what your mom told you about the mean kids in junior high who said you’d never be cool unless you liked Vanilla Ice.  The savage dullards are undoubtedly still wearing Skidz pants, as classics never go out of style.

Principles remain the same no matter how many people like them.  The willingness to see through standards even if it means exclusion is what the social media horde still doesn’t get about never Trump.  Nothing proves the inanity of fame like the 2 Broke Girls of candidates having millions of followers, many of whom were actual humans enthusiastic about his petty, dim, insulting, lame, and utterly humorless remarks. It was bad enough when he was embarrassing himself, not the party or nation.  Take a bet for someone to find a good idea in a Trump tweet stated cleverly.  When you collect, you’ll have more liquid wealth than him.

Get more in order to get even more.  The poor parody of capitalism and masculinity remains obsessed with winning for the sake of it.  Why is he a success?  It’s because he’s successful.  With such solid reasoning, it’s little wonder he was able to beat a corrupt grandma. You may be shocked to learn how hollow his claims are.  Having to deal with presidential problems won’t will deter Donald Trump, much less instill modesty.  The belief that popularity in and of itself is a virtue worked out really well.  He’s not going to feel humiliated just because he’s only the second-worst candidate ever.  But his faux party should.

Sean Hannity claims foes of his unwittingly parodic ranting are motivated by finances as he brags about ratings, and who wouldn’t want to be aligned with such a prominent intellectual?  The rejection of ideals is its own punishment.  A guy who claimed that winning was central to his personality somehow pulled it off without advancing a worthwhile cause.  To be fair, he does have a lot of followers.  So does something called Harry Styles.

The difference between what’s read and what deserves to be sums up this dreadful year.  Go ahead and mock National Review and the Weekly Standard because their circulations aren’t as high as, say, People. They dare exhibit values that didn’t change even in an era where standing up for personal autonomy is as unpopular as Charlie Sheen at an orgy.  Worshiping a particularly hateful individual instead was an atrocious idea that wasn’t fun at the time.  But at least all those eggheads who believe pointless infrastructure spending funded by confiscating treasure from taxpayers doesn’t make America great learned their lesson.

The relatively small number of clicks dedicated to essays arguing for human liberty through obeying the Constitution is a reflection of the clickers.  And, unlike the unwittingly satirical rag Trump Magazine, the conservative magazines in question are still published.  Voters didn’t care much about results.

Instead of mocking theorists, flabby goons should exercise their brains and ponder what it says when circulations of periodicals with worthwhile standards aren’t higher.  Consumers should feel shame.  We hope that free markets mean the best products win out.  But that judgment is subjective, seen by how they’re still making those damn Transformers movies.  Wrecking my childhood toy memories is par for this era.

The brute who excelled at bringing out nastiness among those aligned with him gets to be the executive.  A fad may not be wise, in case anyone didn’t learn by junior high.  There’s still the sticky problem of the president-elect adhering to appalling ideas when he put forth any at all.  Conservatives hope a cur doesn’t ruin the Republican Party like it was one of his businesses.  If you’re going to sell your soul, make sure the check doesn’t bounce.

Bad Inexperience

An empty mind may be preferable depending on the skull.  There’s one thing worse than no ideas, namely having lousy ones.  Our trainee president has spent his conniving existence proving he’s horribly qualified to mop your floors.  But you wouldn’t dare suggest the new regent engage in manual labor.  A higher calling is why someone so majestic has never worked a real job.  Don’t infuriate him with eye contact.

Our next president has a background which should disqualify him to hand out samples at the mall food court, much less be head of state.  The difference is I’d trust the hardworking girls handing out Szechuan chicken on toothpicks to return my wallet.  Trump possesses a résumé that seems impressive until you call references.  Putin would just laugh and hang up.

A job interview is supposed to determine just what the grinning suited doofus did and didn’t do at the last jobs.  It’s fairly easy to spot posers.  But it takes a willingness to look.  Start by not worshiping anyone waiting outside the office.  Seeing if the applicant has screwed up even the simplest assignments is something the hiring manager should check.  The problem is, with voting, that’s us.

Except for peace and prosperity, the world seems in fine shape.  A declining America hasn’t led to the predicted corresponding reduction in hatred.  Poor John Kerry inherited a mess.  Eh, maybe you don’t have to feel bad for him.  A few years in the Senate doesn’t qualify one to become the executive any more than failing to sell football and vodka.

Both the lame duck and lamer president-elect have been blessed with garbage foes.  Whether framed as fighting unfairness or elitism, resentment continues for another term.  The realization neither has earned what they have is why they’re ironically and mutually dedicated to class warfare: their guilt paired with solipsism makes them presume every successful person lucked into it.  What do you mean, toil?

The worst people get the best luck.  Thank the universe.  Trump’s most recent purported combatant is famously appalling.  But he doesn’t deserve to be branded a business titan just because he claimed to be such.  The incumbent may loathe the next guy, but that doesn’t change how both think saying it makes it so.

The lamentably privileged cluster for self-preservation.  Like the president he suddenly loathed, Trump lucked out with the opponent.  Why should decent humans who don’t want to ineptly reign over other get the breaks?  The tradition of electing people with precisely zero worthwhile experience can be abandoned any election now. Voters should at least elect a governor who has some idea how to play executive.  But demeanor, well, trumps ideology.

Not reining in Gary Busey is quite an accomplishment.  I hope this is the end of candidates using a level for which they were unqualified as a springboard to the next. The horrid one without a previous government position nudged ahead.  But that only proves holding a job is not necessarily the same as doing it well.

A cabinet title sounds impressive to yokels regardless of competence to the same sorts who think government should organize our lives.  In their pitiful cases, it’s true, but that doesn’t mean we should have to suffer under the yoke of micromanagement. He’s going to keep promising greatness.  You mean someone can do poorly?

There’s one thing worse than inexperience.  Be glad for those who merely don’t know what they’re doing, as they’re far less dangerous than those assuring us they’ve disarmed bombs loads of times.  We better hope the country is better off entrusted to someone with no clue.

Ignorance is only a blessing if the person is smart enough to know they’re dumb.  There’s nothing inherently wrong with electing someone who’s never held office. But it depends on the person.  Take the twit whose wedding favor was handing a nasty autocrat the presidency.  Trump promoted being unqualified as a virtue.  He’s also a crummy person with nasty thoughts who couldn’t successfully bilk seniors desperate to plunk pensions into slot machines.  Find someone who was good at something and knows how a bill becomes a law: that’s apparently too much to ask.

Doing nothing beats doing something badly.  With stagnation in place, that means millions will be qualified to primary someone with instincts that should frighten us if it reflects the public.  It shouldn’t be that hard to find someone who was competent enough to deserve a promotion.  But at least we’ve learned one more reason why government’s for people who couldn’t hack it in the private sector.  Celebrate at the Trump Taj Mahal.

Tense Term

Those aware we have a Constitution are used to furtively shuttling it between clandestine fireproof shelters, so we don’t even have to go through disruption of habit by preserving it a bit longer.  Who wants to feel unburdened?  Get released from prison after being convicted of Democrats thinking you earn too much, and the sky overhead can seem frightening.  The point’s moot, as liberty has not been paroled. Start thinking of cells as cozy.

We may have to rumble with our own gang.  Standing for freedom will be tricky under, sigh, President Trump, which is where no non-Eastern European model should want to be.  The fight for a government that works precisely because it’s small enough to ignore will continue. Citing the rulebook will run counter to the vindictive tantrum style of his most prominent suckers. They’re merely begging to be dominated and voted accordingly, and we get dragged along.  Taking after a leader isn’t always admirable.

Opposition is easy when foes with dreams of expanding useless spending make the other side look appealing.  These dragging moments offer a chance to again point out why the government does for your life what the Browns do for football.  It beats calling anyone resistant to joining your cult a weak loser.

You don’t realize how lucky you are when it could’ve been far worse.  The lack of even more pain counts as a blessing because we have advanced so much as a species.  There’s a big downside to getting this particular appalling choice if you felt too optimistic.  Namely conservatism is in danger of being connected to someone whose impulse was to control to compensate for his demonstrated inability to dominate.  It’s too bad there wasn’t a way to make Hillary go away while Trump also had to sulk and not run his casino.

Make the president-elect read the Constitution, and not just to prove he’s literate.  At least Napoleon conquered things.  An entirely unsuitable little man whose desire to boss around others conforms with bloated government will linked to the side with P.J. O’Rourke.  No, it’s not fair, so tough. If we thought life was a happy place, we’d be liberals, and they all seem miserable for believing it.  You try being pleasant while maintaining the risible fiction that Obama brought peace and equality.

We may as well get more poor standards about which to complain.  You may have noticed semipermanent stagnation accompanied federal micromanaging.  Now, hope Congress will resist adding 50 percent more examples of why what pompous progressive buffoons say is the opposite of what they do.  The president’s party is irrelevant if you’re looking for a twist. We could do without so many examples of overreach, as it’s an effort just to alphabetize the ones we already have. Statists running their mouths and the economy into the ground would be more fun to mock if it weren’t so predictable.

We’ve defied overreach for so long that it’ll feel weird if the odometer ever spun down.  Don’t pencil in a vacation yet.  This was a perfect chance to beat Hillary, and the genie added a catch to our wish.  The counterinsurgency continues even though the party label says we can halt.  The side with all the phasers certainly isn’t letting the Borg assimilate us now.  The ruthlessly efficient hive keeps losing track of the resistance despite their cold boasts.  Pity the poor individuals captures and outfitted with cybernetic implants. Conquered users are forced to tweet lies about saving manufacturing jobs lost to progress.

There’s one easy job that millions can perform, which is great except for the pay.  Offend Trump if he indulges his statist fantasies.  Getting under his skin is easy considering he’s been a public buffoon since before Roseanne’s show got silly with the Conners winning the lottery. It’s not the Super Bowl, but we have been practicing for this moment over much of our lives.

Look for allies where you can find them, including dopes with votes. Congressional Republicans who seemed mushy pre-Trump now come across as moral titans who think the John Birch Society is too collectivist. I’d love to think making what’s conventional look good was his plan all along if he ever thought out anything.  Watch for a spike in Google searches for “congressional obstruction” as the public realizes they don’t like someone arrogant with the black-glass spirit telling them what to do.  This will truly be a Trump term.

It turns out genes aren’t passed between spouses.  The election taught us about science.  Selling out precious principles to maintain power is one skill Hillary didn’t pick up from the president she’s related to by marriage, which is a byproduct of a couple never spending time together.  Someone who’s lusted so much to get back into the White House will never sleep there again. It’s not like her husband did that often.  The erstwhile First lady married to the man who will never be First Guy is tone deaf for more than her voice.

At least Hillary was historically bad at it.  The impossible failure’s ostensible hubby could innately prey on the feelings of others, an evil superpower he’s used to charm ladies out of more than donations. By contrast, wifey can’t figure out if a bagel would be good for breakfast without a staff meeting and Huma tasting the cream cheese for poison.  A lot changed in a few weeks. This crazy couple involuntarily forced from public life proves opposites attract.

Trump’s a dreamer in the sense he’s incoherent.  Wake up, people.  His wholly counterproductive notions are only exceeded by his willingness to trade them away.  At least he’s a Republican!  I’m going to guess our dear leader is not about to become an affable grandpa willing to heed advice.  The eternally pleasant next president could try preempting foes by taking their positions.  But thinking he knows best may preempt that.

Topping Hillary is tempered by the topper. Liberty still needs an active defense against active government.  If you ever feel weary holding back the forces of cloddish bossiness, remember he’s so bad that he had to face Ms. Clinton to win.

Election, Existence Over

We’ve got the president-elect who’s least qualified to gloat, not to mention serve.  Everything will remain just as fantastic as it is now.  You’ve been enjoying circumstances, right?  I don’t want to think about the man who’s going to be in our face for a term, so I’d instead like to point fingers for a bit.  That may seem immature, but it’s what the loser prefers.  Help her cope by copying her inimitable style.

There will be endless painful hours later to dismantle what is sure to be another fun-filled term of an inept dolt proving the government he’s praised shouldn’t be entrusted to people like him.  The present president spent two terms selling timeshares that are illegal to not buy.  Any adult running to replace him should have been able to note that simply lowering preposterous spending would help.  Naturally, we missed out.  The guy who pledged rather active governance beat the lady who was certain she was the second-worst option possible.

The disappointment’s been here for months.  Getting used to is hasn’t been the relief we hoped.  Instead of wincing every time Mitt Romney doesn’t win a state he needed, we already knew the guy to his left and deep in the gutter was a troublesome option even if he stumbled into victory. Sweating orange toxic waste means widespread radioactivity.  The guy who’s atrocious at business despite a lifetime of boasting he’s awesome at it pulled it off.  Yell at customers who notice service sucks.

Expect the man who will never not have been a Republican president to avoid personal responsibility for what’s next.  He’s not about to stop being a liberal now.  Remind any of his fans gloating too much that their business sense is as warped as his.  Teasing those who indulged Trump is as fun as doing the same to those who aren’t as happy as you’d think about a country they think is racist ending.  The wannabe tyrant gets to see if he can unilaterally dominate us like he’s declared.  Fulfilled fantasies can be a curse.

The worst campaign we’ll hopefully ever live through is over, but at least we have memories to cherish.  The guy who finally thrived at selling anger and façades possesses a familiar and hopefully unrequited lust for bypassing Congress.  Americans should still brace for lame attempts to bully individuals and corporations merely out to do business.

Profound ignorance of process is his best excuse.  Trump’s proposals to put government in force remain egregious on a level that secretly impressed Hillary, not to mention that autocratic deviancy will be preposterously linked to free-market conservatism.  We’re bleeding a lot for someone who dodged a bullet.

Anyone who doesn’t find this funny is the joke’s butt.  We use laughter to conceal the sense the Hindenburg is plummeting right when we notice the hydrogen-y smell.  Those who washed their hands of an election starring a germaphobe aren’t feeling particularly hopeful.  We’re laughing at anyone who thinks the impossible happening makes it good.

Trump fans should brace to rue getting everything they wanted.  All winning took was laying waste to the party that’s supposed to defend liberty. Tantrum enthusiasts lucked out thanks to facing the worst candidate in all history.  Hillary’s historic in her way.

There has to be a different way to beat despair.  We waited for ages with dread that we hope would dissipate.  But we didn’t want it to end with the election.  A months-long march didn’t end with a trip to the Magic Kingdom.  The only way to cope is to mock everything.  Sneering is actually the adult option when brats have commandeered both parties.  Conservatism’s about laughing as doom approaches.  We could have done without so much material.

Don’t fret, as it can get worse.  We’re getting a pushy executive attached to an “R.”  Liberals will unfairly and incessantly conflate a nationalist creep who only doesn’t look like a statist compared to Hillary with themes from Ayn Rand novels.  Professional blamers can assign ensuing statist disasters to people who dare want less debt.

Tweakers blame teeth falling out on toothbrushes.  Trump will have to blame everything else on a new level.  He’s facing a new kind of rigged system.  A guy with no clue and the instinct to bully either resists conservatives or goes along, the latter of which doesn’t conform with his persona.  But he’s genuine, right?  Running on a lark to satisfy ego was supposed to be a joke.  It’s sort-of funny, as long as we’re just watching.

Vote No

The only thing more unpleasant than the people are their ideas.  But this election’s been so fun.  Neither option is clever, which may be the worst thing about a year where rock bottom is the ceiling.  I yearn for the days of merely dull possibilities.  It’s a blessing we no longer get to back that decent fellow who might not be as enthusiastic about repealing Obamacare as we’d hope.  Two candidates who lust to reign makes previously complex decisions much simpler.

This election is all about style.  Back the modestly-living grandparent who gets you.  The guy demanding you to believe that slapping his name in the gaudiest material possible on a few buildings makes him a business titan faces a lady who wants you to think that air miles and ignoring cries for help while genuflecting before villains makes her a stateswoman.  The best case is that one will lose.

We could at least get something more than lame replies from contenders who offer nothing but shots at each other.  Naming one witty thing uttered between the two supreme nitwits is the only challenge greater than determining what we did to deserve this.  Their compliments are as empty as the insults.  Context-free nasty barbs are actually pretty emblematic of our times.  The worst falsehood in a year defined by them is that a particularly slow-witted primate is entertaining when he slurs anyone who points out one of his ample flaws.  We couldn’t at least have an amusing voyage to Hell. Instead, we get lava splashing through the portholes.

Like crummy options, bad ideas never change.  Both unfortunately fortunate racers adhere to an ideology discredited so long ago it happened before either was born.  The next ostensible president will actively engage in benevolent guidance with an efficient allocation of resources you peasants couldn’t possibly understand.  Two impossibly selfish humans ordering others to share their relatively meager resources is making for the most pleasant contest ever.  You may have noticed as much from sunny news reports and genuine happiness among fellow citizens.

At least we can confirm existence is meaningless and choice is fiction. Our adrift globe is surrounded by a merciless void in an indifferent universe.  Take comfort in knowing our leader selection process reflects the innate absurdity of it all we attempt to deny.  I just wish it didn’t do so with such perfection.

Pick between a candidate who ignores limits versus one who doesn’t realize they exist.  Disrespect for the process is a given, so don’t fret looking for it in any voting guide.  There’s one choice in this election, but at least it’s shared by two people.  Both think the president orders prosperity into being, which is exactly what you’d expect from those who feel unearned wealth wasn’t enough to sustain relentless ambition.  It’s bipartisan when each major party fields someone dim enough in arrogance to think being entrusted with power is a license to create paradise via fiat.

It’s hard to claim this election matters when both dirtballs crudely scheme to take what’s yours.  The right to decisions is the most valuable possession after which each mental midget lusts.  You’ll still be able to vote, so don’t get paranoid; it just won’t matter. Only the most brainless zombie would be enthusiastic about the prospect of domination at the heel of either.  Voters can pick between two phony messiahs leading cults worth crossing the street to avoid.

One’s pet president will make dreams come true.  Worshipers sure are grumpy in faith.  Said dreams are more about destroying their enemies than actual happiness, which is particularly tragic seeing how much common ground both sides share.  Sure, one is more focused on loathing those who think a trade war would harm the economy while the other frets about important issues like demonizing anyone who maintains marriage involves two genders.  But cultural leftists all around are certain to be pleased with the result if they aren’t told the winner’s name.

The only thing preventing an electoral landslide is the other candidate. This is a neat way to have balance.  Each claims to be wondrous without explaining why being more popular than leprosy is so tricky. Perhaps horrid economic ideas from the 1930s and putdowns that would be rejected by Bazooka Joe comics aren’t helping.  Both are blessed to face such a horrid foe.  We’re not.

Liberal Use of Republicans

The conservative stereotype goes beyond selling orphans’ insulin to buy more ammunition to hunt endangered animals for sport.  It’s not merely untrue: we only help animals go extinct because we harvest them for tasty jerky.  But the most persistent lazy charge is the most vexing.  The quest for a government that’s 10 times smaller and a thousand times less stupid isn’t synonymous with one party.  It’s not all Republicans, in the popular formulation of our time.  It’s sad what’s unpopular.

The Party of Lincoln once seemed interested in free will.  But that profoundly simply notion is as far in the past as Reagan bitch-slapping Mondale, as seen from the creepy platform to the attitude toward those uncomfortable with the new bossy direction.  In addition to threatening levies against any company that tries to leave, the new GOP figurehead should try to punish party members who hop the New Berlin Wall.  I’m sure more won’t try to escape. There’s no reason to remain aligned with a faction doing Democratic bidding, especially if it’s done this boorishly.

There’s a rather unappealing tradition of Republicans who do everything their opponents want and get despised by same large-government enthusiasts. They may as well tick off perpetually indignant liberals for the right reasons, especially since that’d feature Americans not being harassed over profitability.  The tendency has only gotten worse under the clueless goon who boasted he’d fix it.  Liberals secretly despise Donald Trump because his eagerness to rule the economy while punishing financial dissenters sounds too much like something for which they’d vote if the candidate’s name were removed.

Many Republican presidents and contenders have been despised by the left for demonstrating the injurious effects of federal manipulation. Take the common misperception of Richard “Dickard” Nixon as a conservative, which is odd for the president who brought us the EPA, sucking up to China, wage and price controls, and racial preferences.  To be fair, he did like the nation, which is offensive to those who hurl a word like “imperialism” without irony.

Previously, Herbert Hoover’s affinity for spending money that wasn’t his would spur Obama to admire everything but for the “R.”  The grabby precedent has been repeated by a variety of disappointing Republican presidential hopefuls who we wish did everything of which they were accused by liberals who think deregulation leads to sales of poisoned baby food.  Nothing ensures further sales like ripping off customers.  Ask Hillary, who ensured she didn’t profit so impurely by instead selling favors.

Note how much of a spending spike Trump demands while leaving his name out to see Clinton fans amusingly nod in agreement.  Most purportedly conservative candidates have given liberals something to complain about even as they agree. Self-examination would help all involved.  That’s unlikely to happen given the solipsism of both the Republican nominee and his Democratic haters.  Those controlled by narcissism would never even think to seek help.

It’s easy to conflate a party with ideology because we want it to be so.  Humans yearn for patterns to make sense out of a meaningless universe.  That’s why we hope to think each party stands for a certain standard of beliefs, especially in these oh so subtle times.  But peace of mind is as desirable as it is unobtainable.  We know this world to be as confusing as it is stupid, which is why seeing the one semi-hope for less interference evaporate is disappointing yet unsurprising.

Advertisement relies on changing perception through repetition, so keep emphasizing how Trump doesn’t represent you any more than David Berkowitz represents all postal workers.  His letters were more hostile than the candidate’s tweets, barely.  All we can do for now is attempt to buy back our shares while correcting the record of anyone who claims taxing companies for leaving embodies free markets. Fight back against bureaucratic insiders by nominating a clueless outsider who’d define himself as a statist if he were capable of honesty or introspection.

We’re supposed to accept autocratic intimidator Donald Trump as one of ours because he acquired a party that once featured Calvin Coolidge.  It’s one of the few successful takeovers he’s ever managed.  I have the feeling the stock price is about to crash, so he better bank whatever ego boost is floating now.

Good luck explaining to him why redundant infrastructure spending, insane trade wars with economic allies, and the government deciding you need child care by law aren’t small-government programs.  It’s probably too late to start learning, what with the candidate being 70 and the election in moments.  But whippersnappers can retain the lesson to avoid future scaldings.

Less pain is sort-of closer to happiness. Take what you can get when the only distraction from the mudslide is the earth quaking. The liberating sensation of not being handcuffed in the prison bus will have to suffice as enjoyment. We’re not about to experience the glories of being left without a sitter.  The nanny state will ensure you’re in bed by 8 after you enjoy your dessert carrots.  But you won’t have requested another dose, and that’s a slight but meaningful distinction.  Take comfort in knowing there is nothing in which to take comfort.  That counts as relief for now.