Work to be Done

A blowhard makes an ideal supervisor as long as workers are willing to stomach some acid.  Indigestion beats rotgut.  The mouthy figurehead thinks his benevolent guidance leads to success.  In truth, we’ll profit only when he’s not paying attention.  Thankfully, that’s bound to happen frequently.  Let nobody tell you we live in uninspiring times.

A grandstander who doesn’t pay attention to the details is the company’s best hope.  We’re exhausted by leaders screwing up the big picture with plans to regulate every little thing.  But a big conniver could be a hands-off head in reality if he just wants to makes a big show of being in charge.  Cocky leaders forget to check time cards.  See what we can get away with while he’s speaking again about the assignments he’ll do for us.

Get work done while the manager is grandstanding during the Michael Scott presidency. Roll eyes at his horrid jokes and try to have a productive day even though the company’s becoming obsolete. We’ll get work done at little times during the day.  Somehow, we manage.

Our constitutional ideals may be safer than we think thanks to Trump losing that Post-it reminding himself to violate them.  Libertarian goals are furthered by a president who doesn’t pay attention.  The failed board game tycoon is laissez-faire in the sense it’s fair to say he’ll be lazy at governing.  Reagan took it easy by design, so we’ll accept an inadvertent aping.

How was Charles Dickens supposed to remember what he wrote hundreds of pages ago?  He’ll just keep the story going.  Likewise, the author of Think Like a Billionaire can’t be bothered to track thousand-dollar dreams. It’ll be easy to, say, talk him down from his preposterous Obama-style infrastructure scheme, a task which is easier because he’ll have forgotten what number he mentioned.  An inadvertent return to principles of liberty counts as a semi-win.  America’s CEO is the sort who’s too careless to remember who he fired the day before.  Just wear a different-colored shirt.

We wanted a president who doesn’t bother us.  By sheer accident, we may have him.  An oafish loudmouth who thinks the Christian messiah should’ve been gaudier isn’t precisely Coolidge’s reincarnation.  But Trump is the sort of jazzy magnate who doesn’t look at what he signs. You know he’s bored by everything but the ceremonial ostentation.  A guy whose greatest commitment involved yelling at faded stars to sell lemonade will forget his promises to hassle us into alleged prosperity.  We know he doesn’t know what he’s doing.  Keep it secret from him, as he doesn’t know.

Trump will ideally bring the useful sort of negligence.  His disturbing notions of what makes America great involve taking money to control behavior, which was known as liberalism until Sean Hannity decided a benevolent tyrant bathed in pink marble actually embodies rugged liberty.  Exhausted citizens who seek to evade further prodding can only hope a guy who doesn’t remember what he had for breakfast will fail to follow through on threats.  Lack of commitment is a virtue when the involved parties pimp vice.  A couple divorces are a promising sign when they involve a leader who flaunts bad plans.

The Constitution will be saved if its foes forget they wanted to burn it. Any relief through 2020 will occur not by design but rather ego size failing to conform with reality.  Trump has a lifelong history of not meeting his own expectations.  Granted, they’re rather high, what with him boasting of being the best ever at everything.  Nod and feign fealty to distract the man with the golden crown from how we know how insipid his rare ideas are.  Supermarket steaks are for suckers.

The wrong people are wearing safety pins while screaming at skyscrapers. Of course, there are no right people who engage in such pitiful conduct.  But everyone’s upset for the wrong reasons.  Marginal party identity aside, voters elected a statist, which should please the calm and rational liberals warning that minorities and homosexuals are now endangered.  Perhaps they’re upset because they know Trump’s not good at keeping his word.

If we’re going to get someone who thinks federal authority creates America’s greatness, at least it’s someone too busy gazing at portraits of himself to check if peasants are adhering to mandates.  The ones made out of paint don’t move like his reflection in glass, and it’s tricky.

We’ll finally get a president who’ll be running the government like a business.  Unfortunately, it’ll be like his businesses, where braggadocio replaces a product people want.  Now, people have to buy his product, which is Trump’s greatest dream considering his frequent failures at selling despite his ostentatious claims.  The only hope for involuntary consumers is that he spaces on compliance.

Intramural Arguing

President Trump doesn’t just remain a remarkable thing to type.  If the shock ever wears off, brace for the actuality that he may not be conservative.  I know!  In fact, the moments when he’s sensible will feel like a national holiday.  Adjust to a different type of optimism.  Sensing things will suck and preparing to deal is the mature response by those ducking between the posturing White House and slackers howling outside while smashing windows.  We’re just trying to pass by.

Embrace how it’s liberating to feel no instinct for defending a politician. Challenge Trump just for the sake of irritating him.  But it gets even better than that.  There will ample substantive criticisms to hurl at someone who boasts of having no depth.  Seeming wildness obeys patterns if you watch long enough.  A circuit this simple will restore any observer’s confidence after the most unpredictable election of our time.

This joker is not as wild as you’d think. Trump will propose all kinds of liberal things as reliably as he’s involved with bankruptcy.  The beginner’s lust for redundant spending he preposterously classifies as infrastructure is only exceeded by his taste for ladies from Europe’s erstwhile commie hellholes.  Citizens minding their own business will continue to be hassled, so don’t worry about changing your routine.

The golden cloak of conservatism is only spray-painted cardboard.  Resist the next president out of more than habit.  Hold your own party accountable unless you want to be as hideously shameless as the other one.  Smirking at authority is more fun, anyway, as it means getting to holler at politicians instead of lauding them.  Worshiping someone for getting more electoral votes is the reason we have same system.  You’re in for a long term if you can’t mock a president who’s begging to be teased.

Resistance is easier now that an escaped mental patient stole our logo and stapled it to a newspaper hat.  Someone who can’t even feign respectability is a nice alternative from the establishment.  Manners are for squares.  The good news is that there are no more principles to betray. Instead of spineless Republicans, start off with a guy who doesn’t believe a thing except for his own greatness.  The refusal to fake principles isn’t as refreshing as advertised.

We know what we’re getting.  America the reality show won’t be as heavenly or hellish as dueling cults claim, but expect much puffery in lieu of results. Contrary to curious rubes who think the next guy is a cipher, Trump has a decades-long trail of tendencies upon which to base reasonable predictions.  Remember to account for how he may be overwhelmed on top of boasting about getting away with anything he feels.

Bullies hate being punched back, so never do that with their feelings in mind.  Just kidding: complete the character arc and make the film exciting by retaining lunch money with a dramatic uppercut.  Trump isn’t used to such insolence, so this mutual growing experience will help us both become stronger.  The important thing is him not getting what he wants.  That goal’s easier since he doesn’t know what it is, aside from modestly acquiring more power and acclaim.

Circumstances may not be so bad as long as we remember to be irritated all the time.  We get a buffoon who either does what conservatives want or gets a primary challenge after voters see how he does from opponents who know what to expect.  That’s how to inadvertently get power to the people.

Beliefs remain the same even as the cast rotates.  One person doesn’t define a political movement, especially not this person.  Trump’s famously independent fans surely won’t just think whatever he spews is amazing.  Just in case, be ready to criticize if he forgets he’s supposed to hate socialized medicine now.

You could be gentle when noting Trump has no idea, but the mouthy fellow with the smirking mouth and eyes would disapprove.  The president has spent his whole life avoiding being called on his bluffs.  It did get him to the top, which is a complaint we should take up with the universe.

Americans may feel too nervous to kvetch, as our president now has nowhere to hide.  It was one thing when only his chintzy empire was at risk. Those who love this nation hope everyone but his Sea Org is wrong. There’s good news if he was actually skilled all along.  Let’s strive for mutual benefits: the president can pretend he’s in charge while we pretend he’s suitable.  It can’t be that hard to fake.

Presidential Bill

It’s as if a Clinton won.  The 2016 twist is that Bill’s spirit is getting back into the White House without the unctuous sleaze literally inhabiting it.  He would’ve spent most of Hillary’s term sleeping in the District of Columbia’s myriad undergraduate coed dorms, so it’s not as if this’ll be that different.  It’s 1994 all over again, and I wonder if Ross and Rachel will ever get together as well as if Republicans can order around an unscrupulous executive.  The midterm results are ahead of schedule, so that’s a good start.  Now, we must warn Nancy Kerrigan to do the crane kick.

Dictate terms to a liberal willing to sell his soul for popularity.  This story worked out okay a bit over two decades ago, aside from impeachment and the refusal to fight back against a global terror threat.  But why focus on the negative?  Bill’s third term is the best hope for Donald’s first.  The tendency to see women as lucky conquests of big stud men isn’t the only thing the unmannered poseurs share.  You may be able to connive the wag into a policy if you’re willing to sink to a bit of flattery.

Mister Clinton’s advice to surrender and co-opt is fine if taken by the right sort of slimeball.  America can only hope he passed along his badly good concepts to the guy who nicked a government job from his wife.  That’d be quite selfless if he did.  Like the next president’s urge to answer that he’s the best no matter the question, Bill’s utterly phony dedication to pretending he cared what you thought defines him.  Know the adversary’s tendencies.

Maybe the male Clinton’s desire to ensure his style continued was one of the things Bubba told Trump on the phone where he mischievously urged the semi-real estate tycoon to run with his own family business in mind. Or maybe 42 advised 45 as an infamous wedding guest one of the times the president-elect tried it.  For the nation’s good, pray the impressionable next president heard and heeded.

Trump made the wise decision to face the most horrible campaigner ever.  Historians were bracing to ask “How could (candidate’s name) lose” before remembering the other one.  With anything but a mandate, Trump must now account for the goals of the party he pretended to join for convenience.  Shake hands and pretend you’re on the same team in more than name.

The willingness to negotiate is a nice way of framing the mentality of someone who doesn’t believe a thing.  A liberal who’ll give it away could be better than a semi-conservative, although Trump shouldn’t act like he knew what he was doing.  Excessively flexible leaders are smart or bad enough at dealing to let those with ideals know what they can get.  Republicans don’t even have to wait for the off-presidential election to start trading.  Bring some pink marble as a trinket for bartering.

Any victories will be inadvertent.  That ‘90s feeling is rushing back, and it’s not just the Crystal Pepsi.  A big talker carries a limp stick.  One of the Roosevelts put it that way, right?  Anyway, an inheritance specialist’s gains have come despite his efforts, which is something Republican congressional negotiators should remember without saying aloud.  Praise someone whose ego needs it to distract from how he’s being fleeced.

The commander-in-chief should be used to that hollow feeling after a lifetime of falling into unearned cash and dubious prominence.  Desolation wrapped in a tacky suit is intrinsic to his character, so let him boast.  Giving into conservatives is the best hope. It’s odd to say with a Republican president.  But at least we have further confirmation party is not ideology.

A Clintonesque Trump term will help a sad old lady.  Hillary can pretend she’s First Lady again while knowing she’s not the one who has to cope with the president’s wandering smirk.  That won’t stop her from pouting, but at least she’s free do to so as a private citizen.

Still, the paychecks aren’t as sweet without access to peddle.  As with her peculiar DIY computing hobby, there’s nobody else to blame, which drives someone so committed to communal politics even crazier.  A lack of individual responsibility is precisely why this won’t be the first husband-and-wife presidents.  Maybe the spouse-elect will sign a balanced budget in exchange for fixing the Constitution by 2024 so Melania can run.

An unwillingness to compromise on everything from political deals to learning how to act like a human got Hillary into early retirement. Cheer up, lady: it’s better than everyone finding out the depths of ineptness.  A high percentage of voters were unsure, if you can believe.  Her foe copied her husband in a way she couldn’t.  We still have to deal with Trump.  But we ask the same question as his political role model: what can we get away with?

On the Presidential Prowl

I don’t want to talk about politics at all while also wanting to talk about it all the time.  The post-election, pre-inauguration interlude always feels strange for those of us miserable souls who bitch on the topic as a full-time pursuit.  You mean you can stop?  What are you supposed to do: talk to loved ones?  You have to find some first.

It’s easier to look ahead when the rear view features so much charring. Running for president is an unending topic for those who don’t want to move on to a different subject.  While it’s pitiful to discuss the next nominee before the current guy puts on his trainee name tag, it’s good to plan, especially if you have nothing but harping on current events.  Even worse, events currently suck.

Replacing him if he sucks is the one thing sustaining me after the most preposterous election of our time.  Look for Republicans who could yoink that second term just in case Trump is a clueless statist.  He either goes along or faces a primary challenge, so there’s fun either way for everyone but glum liberal Facebook friends.

I’m hoping for the best, um, because I’m an American and want the universe’s best country to keep thriving.  But I’m also aware of how the world works, which is to say not well.  So, plan for disaster.  The possibility is why shrewd people bought insurance without being forced.  A potential primary fighter just has to prove he’s not Trump, which is actually the simplest part.  Then again, vowing to repeal anything signed into law from 2009 to the present would qualify a replacement if the 45th and most improbable president fails to sell the contrast.

Arithmetic is indifferent.  There’s no need to panic like protesters smashing windows over the injustice of adding up votes.  I’m fine if dissenters are rounded up into camps as long as I can be sent to a conservative one and not a social justice-themed compound, as inmate-run therapy sessions to check privilege are probably held outdoors and I prefer shade.  But negativity for the sake of it isn’t a good way to govern or reply.  Indulging in anger rarely fixes problems unless you’re lucky enough to work somewhere with sledgehammers.

Keep your eye on anyone who threatened to start blazes, even if they were aping their loudmouth sect leader by running their mouths instead of actually dispersing napalm.  Playing in the ashes stops being fun once bath time comes around.  Criticizing must be for more than the admittedly joyous opportunity to kvetch. The true alternative to an authoritarian goon is not to elect your own but rather find someone who will leave you to your own means.  It shouldn’t be a request.

Beating Hillary is useless if we end up with a president who flaunts whining as a virtue.  There are better ways to cope with life’s frustrations. We’re still stuck with a president who thinks a bloated, fatuous, menacing government can organize life to peak efficiency.  How could The Walking Dead screw up a zombie adventure?  Producers managed to make it nihilistic and dull because screwing up the simplest things is 2016’s theme.  It’s normal to feel like we’re among the undead.

The Clintons are done.  Isn’t it pleasant?  But getting it together has just begun.  Trump could end up as a more boorish version of the Arkansas twits.  There may need to be a swamp re-draining. Republicans could nominate a polite human who doesn’t epitomize being full of it.  Fretting about the need to take on a president from one’s ostensible side may seem strange. Abnormal times may as well be embraced.

There’s precedent for a quick turnaround with the man who’ll never First Man.  That particular crummy party went from Dukakis to Bill, a victory in the electoral sense if not a particular moral triumph.  Imagine doing the same but getting a candidate worth voting for without feeling shame.

Let’s not place all hope in whoever sounds good that moment.  Again.  Keep an eye out for a governor or congressman takes a stand against potential Trump thuggish silliness.  And don’t worship the figurative admirable person even if they espouse wise policies.  Coronation leads to fear of criticizing a tremendously fallible politician. King Donald’s chintzy crown aside, he’s not entitled to the office. Republicans should break the habit of cheering for anyone wearing the same insignia, which is like wearing a Johnny Manziel jersey in Cleveland.

We’ll know we have the right person by how the candidate in question refuses to be worshipped.  Challenging Trump is how we burn it down, to stick with his adherents’ favorite visual.  He can obey or cope with challenges.  As the new embodiment of the establishment, Trump surely appreciates the back-sass.

Thinking of Tomorrow When Today Sucks

I just wish Donald Trump would do all the things liberals fear he will. Bossy foes of responsibility are freaking out over a longtime big-government aficionado who makes bluster seem dignified. Conservatives wary of how little his promises are worth are the ones who should be composing rude chants, although I haven’t seen many Weekly Standard subscriber types indignantly yelling in the streets about Tangerine Hitler stealing an election.

A guy who stumbled into the White House is not taking the definition of conservatism from us, at least not anymore.  Winning is a curse when the candidate from your sort-of side embodies none of what you believe.  With the perfect chance to reverse the rot already suffocated, those who know the government is outfitted with both checks and balances have to preserve what they can.  His devotees have to live with nominating the worst possible option for installing what they want.  But so do we.

The hardest thing in the world to find is apparently a normal conservative who can articulate the case for properly-limited state without being a lunatic.  I always thought the greatest challenge was discovering a funny Big Bang Theory episode, but this election seized the title. Anyone hoping to spin down the debt clock gets another term to search for allies just in case.  I’m sure President Trump will be as restrained as he’s dignified.  But it’s good to prepare for wholly unlikely embarrassments.

Thinking ahead could help limit overreach by a guy who’s too impulsive to even ponder the present.  Conservatives are armed with a backup plan, unlike the improbable victor who ran for president as a joke.  Never stop looking for someone with a plot to spend less who reads at a seventh-grade reading level.  It shouldn’t be hard to find someone more dignified than the cussing hobo eating out of the garbage.

Self-proclaimed conservatives who are anything but sure are mouthy about a win without integrity. Defying any sense of the word, the ungracious winners are unpleasant due to the personality component that compels them seek domination by a powerful warlord.  Everyone involved isn’t masking weakness or anything.  The Hannitys and D’Souzas threaten where reason fails.  Do you feel scared?  You can align with them, as I’m not interested in any club where they threaten those refusing to join.

I know we’re not supposed to be insolent enough to question the president.  It was traitorous to not vote for him, after all.  But rebels will be here with criticism whenever he pimps something doltish and/or Obamaesque.  We will not compromise, as his phalanx of tough party-smashers wouldn’t approve of us giving in.  The party infiltrators have already proven to be inept thieves. Dissent among the majority is simply a matter of noting there’s an alternative to being ordered around by an administration comprised of outsiders for a reason.

We’re going to be dictating terms.  You may think principled originalists are not in a good position.  But this is a Rorschach situation where it’s important to learn who is locked in with whom.  The Republican president isn’t instinctually conservative, which is supposed to be an upgrade from establishment nominees who were nominally so.  Disrespect the chain and get yanked.

The Republican will act like a liberal unless conservatives stop him like Democrats want.  Politics is tricky.  All we know is kicking government in the junk will start with the legislature.  The next president could be easy to work with in his way: a guy whose entire reputation is about trading with a history of getting fleeced will be allowed to boast of success as long as people who’ve read the Constitution get what we want.  We’ll be keeping an eye on him just in case he’s an utter screw-up.

Negotiate while the other party is distracted.  That’s shrewd advice I bet is contained in one of the many Trump books I’ve never read. Use insecurity against those who make a show of toughness.  The faux casino titan’s fans are worried deep down they backed a pitiful loudmouth who couldn’t even demolish right.  You better believe grownups are going to be sore about it.  Liberal tears only sustain for so long.

An unwillingness to stick to principles inevitably leads to discarding them entirely.  Pornographers are proud to call out hypocrisy without realizing that it’s a byproduct of standards.  I apologize for demeaning pornographers by comparing them to Trump, his wife’s oh so classy nudie shots aside. Concessions are easiest for those with no doctrine to concede.  We want less debt while he wants to give in.  Maybe this term won’t be as horrifying as portrayed.

Big Deal, Little People

If laws apply to everyone, then why run for office?  Those who vanquish their way to elected employment are too good to obey the silly limitations they casually impose.  Kind despots presume we’re too useless to live without limitations.  Independent thought is to be punished for the subversive precedent.  Obeying is a demonstration of faith, so smack yourself upside the head even if you don’t grasp the reason.  Your very smart rulers have their motivations.  Questioning them is a problem in and of itself.

You wouldn’t want those enduring the burden of organizing your affairs subject to the indignity of struggling with the handcuffs they slap on us.  The uneven application of federal prohibitions makes life exciting.  Humans with humdrum lives live vicariously through athletes and James Bond movies.  It’s about time they envy politicians as the real high-living reckless cool folks.  After all, they’re plotting our days for us, unlike some lame TV star.

The immunity from standards is particularly galling among those who tear down achievers.  Ordinary people are hassled for everything by regents unaccountable for anything.  But that’s how modern man wishes to reward those blessed by divine right.  If obeying the Constitution is so important to you, ask yourself why we elect a king in the first place.

The next president and his gang of toadies want to control you while being above it, because that’s what serving the public good is about. Shuffling the “get out of jail free” card to the top is their reward for ordering our lives.  Expect this level of happiness to be perpetrated.

Elections are now a chance to prove superiority.  Endless, overwhelming, and picayune restrictions aren’t going to apply to those who prove they’re more amazing than the proles by winning slight majorities. They dish out personal exemptions first thing, as that’s why they ran in the first place.  That many votes means they’re better than those of us who merely cast ballots.   You fools would rather have businesses compete while paying low tax levies instead of deciding who lives and dies.

People agree to obey standards through basic decency.  We’re in trouble once enough scoundrels realize they can get away with a lot.  There’s not that much stores can do about shoplifting if thieves are determined. America transitions between presidents who drove up prices for the rest of us.  Anyone who wondered what would happen if a conscience-murdering president disregarded standards has the answer.

Like his successor has already began before he even gets in the office, the lame-duck-in-chief broke his job’s limits like it was a hobby. To be fair, he had to in order to make America poorer and weaker. You’re not ingenuous enough to eschew believing ends justify the means, are you?

Mouthing off is the next president’s style, and which enemy of patriotism will call for manners?  Take joy in not being called a racist whenever we notice the president is crummy.  But prepare for a third term where the universe is ordered to warp to the will of someone too disreputable for honest work.  It’s a different party, which makes it okay.

At least selling us on defying the way things are be hard to sell considering the seller.  Our greatest asset is Trumps’s singularly exhausting style.  He couldn’t make drugs sound enticing to Charlie Sheen.  Yet, he still tallied a mint’s worth of lucre.  His ability to call himself a success illustrates the difference between a free market and rent-seeking.  Or maybe his presidential foe attended his wedding because they’re close pals.

The tangerine scowler possesses an almost comical devotion to skirting the rules.  Here’s a reminder that someone who boasts of buying politicians will be responsible for the Justice Department, which reads like a joke.  Don’t worry, as it won’t be funny.  The first corrupt business president’s greatest achievement will be not sneering publicly about constitutional interdictions.  There’s probably a pill for that.  Thanks to the federal health scheme he doesn’t think goes far enough, he can get a prescription even if you peasants can’t afford it.

Perhaps genuflecting properly will be rewarded.  I just know you’ll totally be one of those privileged citizens rewarded for bootlicking loyalty. The chance to be granted extralegal privileges is why we slavishly devote ourselves to parties.  Principles are important, as long as they involve finding the allegedly strongest human and believing deeply that our representatives will punish those who slight us.  And you thought jobs resulted from creating goods and services customers want.

The most lawless possess the reflex to reign over others.  I almost think it’s psychological.  Putzing autocrats aren’t eager to dominate while overcompensating out of a finely-tuned sense of irony: they just get off on the sensation of being bad while those behaving are forced to watch.  Trump White House minions wearing gimp masks would be redundant.

Power to Truth

Lawyers are thankful for journalists, as it’s nice to have one profession closer to pond scum.  Let me apologize to pond scum.  As unpleasant, empty, useless, cynical empty-shell shells with no senses of humor, those who bring us the news are resentful that we notice patterns. That’s supposed to be their job.  For one so easy, they sure are lousy at it.

Probably the worst thing about media members is how they’re damn disgusting liars who are a discredit to humanity.  Their version of facts is mocked by the cosmos.  Bias is to news what a lit match was to the Hindenburg, as both prove fatal to gasbags.

Take the gaggle of failed novelists’ contempt for a man they’d be surprised how often they agree with if his name was removed.  It’s nice to have journalists back now that someone from the other side won and they therefore feel like working. Now, enterprising muckraker can make a reputation and, more importantly, a fortune off merely watching President Trump and writing down what he does.  The drones are already angry they didn’t protect the Queen.  They’re certainly not producing honey.

We’ll now see the difference between covering a president and covering for her.  The pool is already jarred after preparing for the latter.  At least respect the tireless work of the intrepid press corps: you try spending another four years of explaining why statist failures are the fault of conservatives.

“Liberal journalist” may be redundant.  But challenging abusers who exploit advantages only extends so far.  There’s an exemption from tough queries for corrupt politicians who, say, force us to go bankrupt buying crummy insurance.  As a Republican for more federal control, Trump will create much cognitive dissonance among those very fairly covering someone they despise.

At least they may do their work.  This thoroughly inept profession is supposed to speak truth to power, comforting the afflicted while afflicting the comfortable, and all that nonsense from the journalism classroom.  I’ve been in those schools, and they’re the hellholes of academic snobbery you’d imagine: imagine a place filled with youngsters who want to be journalists.  Horror movies don’t seem that scary.

Media bias may be the only thing more obvious than the impending president’s cluelessness.  But its origin is far trickier to trace than Hillary’s virtual paper trail of littered classified documents. There will never be leaked memos reminding reporters to call guns “assault weapons” or frame tax cuts as something for which the government must pay, and not just because editors are too indolent to churn them out.  You don’t need an official policy when every employee is presumed to believe it already.

The trouble lies in their mentality.  To cover both sides, they’d need to consider that their foes could be misguided and not diabolical goblins who seek to destroy happiness.  So, forget it.  They’re just like general liberals.

Imagine being so sanctimonious as to dismiss dissent.  Even worse, the beliefs purportedly beyond reproach have made us so broke that we forget to remember how much liberty we’ve ceded.  Now say Republicans want the uninsured to die in the streets just to see what it feels like.  After all, it’s what Trump thinks.

Framing wretchedly dull liberalism as the only reasonable choice is far more insidious than admitting to partisanship.  Why don’t you want the government helping the poor?  How could you oppose equality with your hateful take on dual-gender marriage?  And why were you sexist against having the first lady president?  Use language the right way, and you’ll never have to consider that the other side has valid ideas.

It’s not just that they’re as intellectual as they are modest: journalists are as lazy as it gets.  Their unwillingness to perform anything as undignified as work comes on top of all their other lovely characteristics like gentle humor, keen self-deprecation, and personable charm.  Their pre-election hysterics about how Trump was a meaner Hitler ensure their flailing won’t be taken seriously now.  As with America, they’re wasting potential.

Professional transcribers had no option but to pursue work this undignified.  At least they’re loathsome.  Reporters are not precisely potential engineers who got talked into a preposterous major by guidance counselors tweaking on meth: a cruel combination of genetics and personality forced them to enter a field slightly more useful than unemployment.  Imagine Andrea Mitchell trying to perform long division if you’d like to giggle even louder while realizing her dreamboat will never be president.

Despite endless deserved scorn, media members do have ideals.  It’s just that they involve protecting liberal narratives in lieu of selling ads while doing their assigned tasks.  They’ve been tossed a live preserver they don’t deserve.  Churning out easy stories about Trump’s oafishness should generate revenue while keeping the system honest.  But the limp henchmen shot their credibility panicking before the election.  Consumers won’t care what the Pulitzer committee finds noble.

Newshounds finally want to audaciously challenge the president, even though he wants to spend your money for fairness.  And nobody cares because they thought it was important to claim that non-Trump Republicans were orphan-punching demons.  Heed those who think they’re pretty smart for people who couldn’t last in a useful major.  They’re going to miss Obama even more than the other starry-eyed zombies.  Career choices led to them defending Earth’s most powerful monarch like knights who couldn’t lift a sword.  But their lack of upper-body strength leaves them susceptible to purple nurples.

For people so smart that they think they have to explain the world to us, journalists are lousy at keeping themselves employed. Lack of integrity in a field that demands it makes their own jobs obsolete.  Blame this newfangled internet for keeping the audience from reading cheerleading chants.  Slanted coverage is killing an industry that was already sick.  And you wonder why newsroom staffs think the free market doesn’t work.