Presidential Bill

It’s as if a Clinton won.  The 2016 twist is that Bill’s spirit is getting back into the White House without the unctuous sleaze literally inhabiting it.  He would’ve spent most of Hillary’s term sleeping in the District of Columbia’s myriad undergraduate coed dorms, so it’s not as if this’ll be that different.  It’s 1994 all over again, and I wonder if Ross and Rachel will ever get together as well as if Republicans can order around an unscrupulous executive.  The midterm results are ahead of schedule, so that’s a good start.  Now, we must warn Nancy Kerrigan to do the crane kick.

Dictate terms to a liberal willing to sell his soul for popularity.  This story worked out okay a bit over two decades ago, aside from impeachment and the refusal to fight back against a global terror threat.  But why focus on the negative?  Bill’s third term is the best hope for Donald’s first.  The tendency to see women as lucky conquests of big stud men isn’t the only thing the unmannered poseurs share.  You may be able to connive the wag into a policy if you’re willing to sink to a bit of flattery.

Mister Clinton’s advice to surrender and co-opt is fine if taken by the right sort of slimeball.  America can only hope he passed along his badly good concepts to the guy who nicked a government job from his wife.  That’d be quite selfless if he did.  Like the next president’s urge to answer that he’s the best no matter the question, Bill’s utterly phony dedication to pretending he cared what you thought defines him.  Know the adversary’s tendencies.

Maybe the male Clinton’s desire to ensure his style continued was one of the things Bubba told Trump on the phone where he mischievously urged the semi-real estate tycoon to run with his own family business in mind. Or maybe 42 advised 45 as an infamous wedding guest one of the times the president-elect tried it.  For the nation’s good, pray the impressionable next president heard and heeded.

Trump made the wise decision to face the most horrible campaigner ever.  Historians were bracing to ask “How could (candidate’s name) lose” before remembering the other one.  With anything but a mandate, Trump must now account for the goals of the party he pretended to join for convenience.  Shake hands and pretend you’re on the same team in more than name.

The willingness to negotiate is a nice way of framing the mentality of someone who doesn’t believe a thing.  A liberal who’ll give it away could be better than a semi-conservative, although Trump shouldn’t act like he knew what he was doing.  Excessively flexible leaders are smart or bad enough at dealing to let those with ideals know what they can get.  Republicans don’t even have to wait for the off-presidential election to start trading.  Bring some pink marble as a trinket for bartering.

Any victories will be inadvertent.  That ‘90s feeling is rushing back, and it’s not just the Crystal Pepsi.  A big talker carries a limp stick.  One of the Roosevelts put it that way, right?  Anyway, an inheritance specialist’s gains have come despite his efforts, which is something Republican congressional negotiators should remember without saying aloud.  Praise someone whose ego needs it to distract from how he’s being fleeced.

The commander-in-chief should be used to that hollow feeling after a lifetime of falling into unearned cash and dubious prominence.  Desolation wrapped in a tacky suit is intrinsic to his character, so let him boast.  Giving into conservatives is the best hope. It’s odd to say with a Republican president.  But at least we have further confirmation party is not ideology.

A Clintonesque Trump term will help a sad old lady.  Hillary can pretend she’s First Lady again while knowing she’s not the one who has to cope with the president’s wandering smirk.  That won’t stop her from pouting, but at least she’s free do to so as a private citizen.

Still, the paychecks aren’t as sweet without access to peddle.  As with her peculiar DIY computing hobby, there’s nobody else to blame, which drives someone so committed to communal politics even crazier.  A lack of individual responsibility is precisely why this won’t be the first husband-and-wife presidents.  Maybe the spouse-elect will sign a balanced budget in exchange for fixing the Constitution by 2024 so Melania can run.

An unwillingness to compromise on everything from political deals to learning how to act like a human got Hillary into early retirement. Cheer up, lady: it’s better than everyone finding out the depths of ineptness.  A high percentage of voters were unsure, if you can believe.  Her foe copied her husband in a way she couldn’t.  We still have to deal with Trump.  But we ask the same question as his political role model: what can we get away with?

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