Bye Bye Barack

A shallow memory spurs happiness on a planet stocked with bad memories. Humans who are trying to outrun the napalmed trash trail behind them naturally face forward.  In positivity’s name, many are already hating the new president and everything he does.  Loathing politicians is America’s pastime, especially considering who’s being inaugurated.

But don’t forget to indulge in a little nostalgic contempt for the trailblazer we’ll always recall as the first crummy black president.  It’s time to wish good riddance to Barack Obama, who’s memorable as the guy we wish we could forget.

Circumstances never improved for a teen in his 50s who spent every moment bitching about them.  A purported leader set a record for whining so much about what he was handed, which is one of the many mature dignified aspects he brought to an office typically associated with grownups. The catastrophe he left despite his promises to make Heaven look like Detroit by comparison was to show the next guy how unfair life is.  Or maybe he just is a historically inept buffoon.

Scorching the ashes could be a way of saying screw you to Trump.  But the rest of us suffer, too.  If Obama was planning to leave everything as a despondency-spurring mess as an ironic meta-joke about the inheritance he’s leaving, than I apologize for saying he’s never been farsighted about anything.  Progressive policies are tricky that way.  If we’re all supposed to feel upset, then he succeeded at equality.

Irony is cruel in indifference.  Take how America fought at least one war every day the Nobel Peace Prize laureate was in office.  It wasn’t that he tried to make fighting cool.  Emasculating the hero made villains ballsier, as the community organizer’s astounding unwillingness to learn what motivates human behavior was thorough.

It’s tough to grasp the difference between winning and ending wars.  The latter doesn’t work if the enemy is still trying to murder you. Voting for coolness twice was supposed to extinguish contempt.  But everyone who loathes us interpreted dousing ourselves in gasoline as weakness.

Draining the hope reservoir means more realistic expectations.  Some of our gentler rubes were surprised that a politician didn’t deliver.  In fact, it’s as if the opposite happened.  Still, don’t let semipermanent stagnation make you cynical just because life’s problems were supposed to have been eliminated for eight years now. Deciding that some earning more than others is a moral stain actually causes more poverty.  But that’s only because we were too selfish to relinquish our natures.  We deserve to suffer for our wavering faith.

If you’re going to uproot our crops, you may as well salt the earth. Obama is greater than mere ineptness.  We’ve never satisfactorily answered whether he’s screwing up as a putz or because he takes comfort in smashing wine casks.  The chicken/egg dilemma has left us flabby despite all the apparent protein.

Blame contempt for the nation from the top.  Put a Daily Kos commenter in the White House for eight years and the results would be the same.  It’s bad enough the nation is crammed with so many petulant twerps who loathe it.  Let’s not elect another one again.

The toughest challenge in assessing legacy is trying to encompass every horrifying moment into a few sentences.  Things will be stupid in a slightly different way now, as America is in for populist spending blamed on free market Randians through 2020.  But at least we’ll get relief from someone who thought a country dedicated to personal liberty will be swell once we eliminate everything for which it’s known.  It’s really the right’s fault for thinking humans are capable.

He destroyed to his utmost, and Obama’s lack of practical skills was a blessing.  The checks and balances he loathes were there precisely to trip up cloddish wannabe tyrants.  Neither the ineptness nor successful disasters will humble with such healthy self-esteem.  The consummate loudmouth won’t be going away just because he’s supposed to now.  You’d think someone who did for us what Mariah Carey did for melody would feel embarrassed.  But the tone-deaf never hear their musical atrocities themselves.

Other than everything Obama said or did, he was great.  We’re going to hear far more curious boasting about the sea of broken spirits if you were innocent enough to think the nightmare would end upon awakening. Nobody deserves to golf in shame more.  But his failure is only matched by his arrogance.  A president who disliked everything American will stay near the bullhorn to remind us of his staggering wholesale errors.  The favor won’t be intentional.


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