I’d feel better if a president for whom I voted took the oath. But Alice Cooper didn’t win. So I’m going to be an adult about it and tease the jerk who will somehow represent us to the world until he feels like quitting. I’m sticking to it until the job’s done as a sign of maturity. Call it bullying, but I’m just trying to say what I think. That’s cool now, right? Fighting political correctness is a goal embraced by Donald Trump, that doltish horse’s ass.
It’d be great to cheer for a team in the Super Bowl. But I’m a Bills fan. So, I settle for plundering dip while cheering against both competitors. Short of a seemingly unreachable title, detached mockery of anyone involved is the only entertainment available. Maybe those involved will smash into each other good. So that’s why people compare football to politics.
Save frenzied reactions for what’s truly important, namely men running about chasing a ball. Your team should be your life. And that means the NFL, not GOP. Take down your political party pennants to enable a sneering mentality. It may seem abrasive to boo an inauguration. But knocking down leaders a peg from day one is how we hold them accountable. You wouldn’t neglect your constitutional responsibility, would you?
Disaster could be fun as long as our names aren’t connected. I would feel compelled to defend someone for whom I voted, so I’m liberated from that particular burden. Teasing is coping. Of course, good things could happen, too, just like I could start triathlon training first thing tomorrow morning instead of looking for ibuprofen. I’m willing to praise when necessary. I’m also willing to admit when Saturday Night Live is funny. I just don’t expect it to happen this century.
If there’s a better way to brace for impact, now’s the time to share. Did anyone pay attention to the flight attendant? Ideological damage doesn’t crack bones but leaves deeper wounds. Prepare to plummet with a frustrating president who makes George W. Bush look like William F. Buckley by comparison.
We’ve been guilty of impure thoughts before. Many Republicans defended the last president of the same allegiance as he made silly forays into wasteful meddling. To be fair, he was waging a war for something bigger than tax credits. Some were willing to give him a pass considering how he was commander-in-chief during a war to preserve civilization. Also, he wasn’t a mouthy braggart making it up as he went along. There are worse things than being an ideologue. But don’t let the president from the party that was once affiliated with not getting hectored get away with spending on your behalf again.
Life without sides is a blast except for how we’re included in the score. Presuming the president is going to lie to you as he steals your goods is a good principle to apply no matter who won. It’s just been especially so for what will now be a few terms in a row. The only downside is how the teams get to take charge. Sure, the nation is doomed to endure an ironic lack of winning. Both manipulative conglomerate owners and global villains are about to teach an alleged businessman how incentives work. I hate to gloat. But I hate those who ignored 7,300 detour signs along the highway’s shadow even more.
Step back for sanity. Excessive devotion to an executive is a symptom of liberalism. Admiring any president reflects at least a partial fondness for government, and you should hate it to the utmost. At least feel suspicious every time he’s on the news. He’s going to provide endless material to mock. Watching without laughing is like being scared at Young Frankenstein.
At the least, relax. Republicans shouldn’t feel obligated to defend even if he got their votes any more than he’s stuck to marriage vows. Worship is for church or football. This particular fellow deserves scorn in inverse proportion to the intensity of his golden sucker brigade. I hate to be a pessimistic Pete, but this president is going to provide endless chances to criticize him for being a very ordinary man in a special job.
Being a little meaner to Trump is the one thing in his life he earned. Without deserving it, he’ll be part of a fine tradition of citizens holding every president in contempt. As an American, you should mouth off about whoever’s in charge as a matter of habit. Add swear words if you voted for him to keep him accountable.
A scowl toward the man at the top is actually respectful of our system, which is itself the real hero here. The humans who happen to have obtained more electoral votes are certainly no better than us and in many aspects far more unpleasant than even regular people. So remind them.
Bowing to kings is for European sissies. My greatest blessing is ancestors who fled such hellholes and their substandard plumbing. Sure, I have to cope with a string of unfortunate leaders who can’t lead. But at least this particular upcoming president will be extra fun to mock knowing he hates it so much. There’s no constitutional requirement for thick skin in a president, as voters are supposed to be wise enough to choose otherwise. When the opposite happens, make the gaudy putz feel bad about it.