Art on the Floor

Koch Theater

Art means so much to us that we won’t buy it on our own.  Mean people who pay for what they like note it’s pointless if we don’t choose what works we treasure.  The same government which thinks we want solar panels and street cars might not have the best taste in paintings or tunes.  Being forced to pay for it is the surest way to ensure value.

Purchases should be voluntary for as long as taste is personal. Buy your own art.  Yes, it’s very cruel to be billed for what you like and consume. Nevertheless, a worthwhile society is one that patronizes as a decision.  It doesn’t need to be out of compulsion.  I like your production so much that I think taxpayers should have to lower costs for attendees.  Most opera patrons have to choose between seats for Carmen and bread for toast dinner, so please don’t make Upper West Side residents go hungry.

It may be a shock to those who think an outlet being treated rudely during a White House press briefing is a free speech infringement. But the First Amendment recognizes your right to express as you wish, not have your canvas provided gratis.  In fact, the opposite is true. A legal agency deciding who gets funding and, more importantly, who doesn’t is as close to a Bill of Rights violation as the Army being sent to blow up Twitter’s servers because of my incendiary right-wing snark.  Every federal grant is an endorsement.  Now that’s punk rock.  Artists who don’t receive them are denied benefits over taste while the government chooses winners and losers in the expression business.

The same ones who think art dies without bureaucratic distribution never consider the possibility that people could be charged it.  Like everything else in these modern times, life will fall apart unless the government is choosing what we like and spending our money accordingly. Never mind its Charlie Brown-pitching track record in making decisions: those poor in more ways than one have already suffered from atrocious mandatory insurance.  But at least they have it along with the art chosen for them.

It’s not like the rich will step up and fund the humanities just because they always have.  Take the Koch Theater, whose seats are naturally made from orphan blood. There’s nothing better than walking through Lincoln Center and knowing liberals are horrified by the libertarian businessman’s massive contribution.  What really frightens the art snots is the precedent of using their own funds to both enjoy what they wish and help the less fortunate do the same. In the spirit of bipartisanship, Koch’s namesake faces David Geffen Hall, a venue funded by a kind liberal who should learn from his own generous example and advocate for cutting out the federal middleman.

It’s normal for those who feel they’ve earned nothing to be terrified of free market consequences.  But that shouldn’t prompt an unwillingness to admit there’s another way beside billing taxpayers.  The alternative where humans somehow determine what they want at an agreeable price would actually be more efficient, not to mention the ensuing improved economy after the damn government is confiscating less.  We should prefer to choose what gets our bucks without the NEA’s decisions.  Think of it during periods of opposition rule: do culture aficionados really want the Trump administration deciding what’s aesthetic?

While unconstitutional, at least an agency spending what was ours is impractical.  If a program would survive with a federal funding cut, it doesn’t deserve the money.  If it would die, it doesn’t deserve the money.  Well, that was easy.

It’s not a matter of wanting it to show things I like.  PBS could show hockey fights alternating with South Park, and I still wouldn’t want taxpayers subsidizing my favorites.  The broadcaster’s oft-woeful lineup just make the case more urgent.  The offerings are frequently dull, biased, or condescending, and that’s often a single show.

Of course, there are occasionally interesting hours among the pompous sludge you fund as punishment for earning sufficient income.  As a household whose more creative member presses piano keys in the proper order to make pleasant melodies, the fabulous Dahlhalla and I often tune into Great Performances, and not just to see if we know anyone.  But Nebraskans shouldn’t support the viewing habits of Manhattan snobs like us.

Art is the best example of subjectivity imaginable.  And some demand the ruling apparatus designed to be objective keeps funding it.  Like everything else government forces us to do that’s not its job, coerced assistance should be unnecessary.  If these things are so great, why do they need a law to get funding?  From health care to Charlie Rose, there’s no need for an order if the product’s any good. Sesame Street was not deserted after gentrification.  Protest cuts loudly to distract from the overwhelming reluctance to pay Judy Woodruff out of pocket.

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What’s Not to Love

Everything is swell, and furious citizens aren’t going to stand for it.  Sure, there are a million things to fix.  I’ve listed about 16 percent of them on Twitter.  But we’re not even a quarter of the way to fascism, which is why people have ample time to fantasize that Mussolini’s ghost is super jealous.  You can tell government doesn’t permit dissent by how often people claim it without being arrested.

How would you like some irony to accompany your anger and despair?  The emotional smorgasbord isn’t filling despite countless options.  The very tranquility that results from our system actually gives ingrates chances to complain.  Even better, the toddlers with every material benefit who have the least reason to scream throw tantrums about the limits which blessedly prevent them from getting their way.  The difference is young children have an excuse for failing to yet learn that Sugar Daddies aren’t suitable meals.

We may as well not lock the door since nobody has broken in.  How could that cause robberies?  Those who don’t appreciate what security has done are colloquially known as victims.  It’s tough to measure what’s prevented.  Nobody presents a medal to whichever hero stopped Will Ferrell from making more films.  But intelligence-gathering and soldier-deploying might precisely be why there aren’t victims clogging the sidewalks.

Resent the oh so oppressive cop standing on the corner who keeps crimes from ever happening.  Vague memories of thousands of Americans murdered for the crime of existing shouldn’t prompt anything hostile like double-checking IDs of our nation’s guests.

Progressives are eager to help the poor they create.  They stubbornly refuse to realize that the drag on the economy caused by their alleged compassion is why there are so many victims.  But they’re there to help.  How could you feel better if there were no destitute to receive aid?  Take currency from the few bastards who manage to succeed so they don’t start feeling lucky.  Sure, less federal spending would mean more private buying, which is the ultimate anti-poverty program.  But anyone earning enough to buy their own groceries would turn into bloodthirsty capitalists, and Democrats have enough trouble winning without Obama.

Respecting this country’s boundaries doesn’t just mean bringing your passport if you go to Tijuana or Fort Erie.  Some news viewers may have encountered reports of unearthed documents that prevent excessive exercise on power.  The interdictions are not tangible yet very real.  Those sad puppies still convinced Hillary would be competently scandal-free right now plot to remove the straitjacket permanently in 2021.  A doctor’s approval won’t even be necessary.  Everyone else is enjoying dinner as they seethe about how much more pleasant it would be if only they were allowed to smash the plates.

It’s okay when the person for whom I voted gets carried away, because I only back the benevolent.  There’s no need to verify when the honor system has made our country great.  Note who is thankful for checks and balances as long as they can be unchecked and unbalanced upon their return to power.  Hey: I don’t want that other party bossing me around!

Liberals have suddenly learned the president is only supposed to be allowed to do so much without legislative approval.  It’s better to learn civics before the siren goes off.  But that’s what they get for claiming civic pride is only cool in Squaresville.  Even worse, the notion of restraint is as repellant to their side as Nikolai Volkoff singing the Red Anthem is to us real Americans. Now, they face the quandary of limiting federal bossiness until they get an election result that doesn’t make them seethe.  Sure, individual initiative goes against their philosophy.  But why are they going to start learning about foresight now?

The Constitution’s existence prevents excesses which are illegal for good reason.  Maybe liberals should take note.  The person in charge doesn’t change things, or at least shouldn’t.  I know it’s tough to alter one’s worldview.  But we’d adjust to shooting alien visitors out to conquer Earth in no time if that became the new standard.

From installing failed policies to fuming they may be changed, it’s little wonder Democrats are always so grouchy.  They risibly demand we indulge in exhausting silliness that creates more of the crises they claim to fight.  It’s not that they’re evil: they’re just horrid at recognizing patterns.

Devastating liberal policies only failed because they weren’t liberal enough, you see.  Meanwhile, the very thing keeping their lunatic ideas from dragging us down is what they target most urgently.  Their lack of firearms training is evident in how often they miss the mark.  They’ll bitch that the gunsights were off.  The self-styled heroic opposition would complain about their shoes coming untied after surviving a tornado.

The Unprincipled of the Thing

Republicans must be lying about wanting to get reelected.  Why else would they have their spines removed?  The procedure can’t hurt as much as rejection.  I refuse to accept any politician could be cowardly, so there simply must be an alternate explanation.  The Party of Nixon isn’t keeping promises.  It’s a core tradition for the side that respects the past.

Prisoners are scared of the open sky upon release.  That brings us to today’s Republicans.  It would actually be surprising if the supposedly new straight shooters did what they said to the point that supporters would find success uncomfortable.  Picture the poor Buffalo Bills fan who worries about nervousness during wild card week.  At least I think there’d be apprehension, right?  Can a backer of a good team confirm?  The tribulations that accompany success are worth it, or so I’m guessing.  Let’s advance for once and find out.

Trying to hand out entitlements changes who they are, but at least it hurts the nation and chance for reelection.  Everyone wins!  Republicans who claim they can administer the welfare state better are like producers trying to make Paul on The Wonder Years more normal in later seasons when they should’ve left him as the prototypical nerd. Talk about singing out of key.

Republicans need to stop selling light beer with the same calories.  For one, they’ll never keep pace with that other party, which is efficient at doling out inefficient wealth transfers.  More importantly, they promised to behave.  Voters give each side a chance.  Democrats lose because their beliefs screw up everything, while Republicans get banished to minority status after refusing to reverse what the opposing dolts did.  At least the parties are different.

The purported last hopes for preserving the Constitution say they’ll save it, then don’t bother. They’re somehow seen as unreliable.  Contrast the feeble surrender with the Democratic willingness to bribe their voters.  Like rich kids in an ‘80s movie, buying friendship is not ta fulfilling approach. Regardless, socking earners to benefit takers somehow doesn’t spur prosperity.   Those foolish enough to succeed are understandably ticked at the bill from the Treasury.  The frustration is only exacerbated when those who claim they’ll defend promotions back down. It’s easier to cut one’s hours in favor of waiting at home for a check.  Reagan’s organization still claims to oppose that.

The captains assure us landlubbers the hull will stop taking on water if we drill more holes.  The water pressure will seal it because it’s nautical science.  Failing to stop the other side’s silliness sinks us all.  The damage their cravenness causes isn’t merely self-inflicted.  This is what Democrats mean when they note we’re all in this together.

Instead, utterly principled advocates of limited government fear shriekers who demand to keep what’s unearned.  Redistribution harms the economy while creating dependency at the expense of achievement, although it works otherwise.  Democrats fail to retain seats for punishing success.  Republicans then thank fed-up voters by refusing to abandon class warfare maneuvers.  If the GOP were a restaurant, they’d pull a commercial featuring a dining family after three insane social media replies calling them bigoted transphobes for presuming only a mother and father would love their children enough to take them for pancakes.

It’s tough to turn down someone handing out money on account of being human.  But we adjust once the magic wallet’s spell wears off. People are naturally going to complain when an entitlement is taken.  Those who refuse to then change habits are like toddlers, only without the excuse of having traveled around our Sun enough times to grow up.  Welfare reform lead to people bitching as they will when the well of currency dries up.  Then, they stopped stewing long enough to convince employers they were worth hiring. While we wait for another Democrat who’s as mean as Bill Clinton, the side who impeached him could at least stand up for those funding indefinite benefits.

What the other side did doesn’t count because of their dumb policies.  The only thing Obamacare cost more of than money, our health, and liberty was Democratic seats, but only because it was a historically crummy plan.  Its namesake selflessly cared about nobody but himself. Big-government enthusiasts advocate heavy commercial regulation because they presume everyone is as selfish as they are.  The namesake managed to inflict the damage he wanted in a sick attempt to fulfill what he figured would be a cool legacy.  That perverse definition of utopia is one more reason I won’t visit Barack Obama’s library.  It’ll just be shelves stocked with the two books he didn’t write.

The problem with unsustainable spending is contained in its name.  At least half the major parties should stand up to it, especially with two-thirds of the branches in control.  Tell people they are capable of getting their own, a radical ancient notion that should at least get a contemporary hearing.  What if we’re doing it wrong despite our modern gadgets? This is the faction that claims to be for free markets, at least aside from the freaking president. Nonetheless, someone should be for the simple trades that you may describe as human behavior.

Commitment to bad ideas always tops a half-assed version.  Democrats who promise to enact a welfare state do better than Republicans who back slightly less of it.  Neither their own fans nor the other side will start thinking they’re cool for copying the other side’s poor ideas. Their poor reading of what the public wants explains their skittishness about enterprise.

Success at Failing

The upside is there aren’t as many broken-bottle stabbings in contemporary America as anticipated.  Still, factions screaming at each other about different things is exhausting even without bloodshed.  Like most arguments these days, the raucous debaters don’t even bother to check the topic first.  That would waste valuable snarling time.

Modern freedom fighters want to exterminate those who dare think our stupid government might be bad at getting an economy purring.  That’s fine. But could we at least agree on the terms?  It’s not just semantics to note there’s a difference between our country being in good shape and what policies actually create that.  Now’s the time for shrieks about what “semantics” means.

It doesn’t even matter which incorrect question one answers.  The wrong response determines whether you love America or want to live in Mexico with all the other commies.  It’s too bad we can’t agree on what’s being asked.  The shouting makes it tricky to hear grammatical tone.  Also, nobody can recognize sarcasm.  Oh, that’s really great. But it’s tough to deliver a line properly over gloating that winning is everything, anyway.  The Patriots are rewarded despite their crimes because it’s what 2017 is.

The debate about whether we hope any random president succeeds versus hoping his policies fail to become law is particularly popular following a party change.  But we’d rather bicker about whether we like any suggested policies during the voter suck-up portion of the election instead of wishing everything works for the best after voters choose.  We don’t get a do-over no matter how curious the selection.  No matter what, some would rather pretend they’re getting deported for having uteri.

We can’t even agree what a touchdown is, so don’t bother keeping score.  Liberals think everyone’s happy if the ball stays at the 50.  Schrödinger’s country could be making progress, but there’s no consensus on what that would entail.  It’s no wonder your Facebook feed is even crankier than usual.  For one, some strange citizens think having the government that can’t deliver your mail in charge of your health is a victory for both conscience and wallet.  Similarly, florists prohibited from declining services for what they don’t consider to be a wedding in tolerance’s name is called progress by some.  Decline is praised, which makes getting ahead difficult.

The Blair Witch Project changed filmmaking.  It’s just that idiots in their 20s running around filming inane unscripted moments as shakily as possible may not have been a positive alteration.  How one defines progress affects the debate.  Postmodern politics are too trendy to be interesting.  This is a quantum physics sort of world where observation affects the experiment.  Those who disregard sonograms while claiming gender is a decision claim to be on science’s side.

The ability to bend events to one’s will is not necessarily a virtue. Just think of who’s been president.  Barack Obama was effective at elbowing in on liberty and helping Iran split atoms, but that doesn’t quite mean he was good.  Keeping a crummy president from getting the silly things he wants is actually a benefit.  Whichever aide crushes Adderall into Trump’s pudding deserves a medal.

Those who think many of the incumbent’s schemes are unfortunate can politely suggest alternatives.  Try a firmly-worded Twitter reply, as that’s where he spends most of is day.  Hey: he’s just like us.  The excessively optimistic can hope he somehow gets swell ideas. Stranger things have happened.  Take his election.  Powerball players can fantasize about a suddenly shrewd id, cheer for his more perspicacious advisers do the actual work, or cross fingers that he’ll indulge in his professed willingness to negotiate.  Dreamers have different standards these days.

Americans are praying, and not to the president.  That’s going to anger him. Perhaps spiritual guidance will allow sensibility to prevail despite its unpopularity.  A levelheaded cabinet could actually set policy while the chief oaf hogs credit.  That’s what would happen on a sitcom, after all, and we may as well titter at the escapades.  Ask your deity to please let Steve Bannon be so consumed by rage that he continues failing, which means Trump will have to fire him.  It’s only winners here, right?

A nicer country’s better than tossing out a party because everything’s unpleasant.  Giving someone else a shot is just takes sometimes. Conservatives weren’t cheering against Obama, believe it or not.  We just hated his comically stupid ideas.  The smirking condescension didn’t help, but it was mostly what he was saying and not the way he suckered more gullible fellow citizens.  Everyone else was just hoping he stopped having insipid ideas that would make us too poor to notice how bothered we were.  We knew what his policies would do and hoped he’d be distracted by having to sharpen Biden’s crayons.

Dwindling liberty fans just hope any random president has a good idea or doesn’t wreck the country until we can replace him.  But there are only so many times in a row we can do that.

Right on Occasion

Ask the Cleveland Browns why consistency isn’t necessarily a virtue. Even those who occasionally win can be maddening in their unwillingness to obey patterns.  Give us a break.  We’re trying to be lazy here.  It’s easier to praise or condemn everything about any discussion topic.  But nobody’s great or awful 100 percent of the time.  The mighty Who inflicted Squeeze Box on us, while the Star Wars prequels made us appreciate Mark Hamill’s relatively impressive acting.

There’s no way someone for whom I voted could ever let me down.  Why would a politician be hurtful like that?  But maybe it’s time to learn that everything will be at least occasionally disappointing, at least for those who didn’t start learning that crucial fact at age 10.  Sea Monkeys are designed to create cynicism. Humans hope to ink up one rubber stamp and finish the day’s work by lunch.  But we have to actually decide if any random incident is actually worth complaining about because life is full of challenges.

I know it’s not fun to have to think about every action.  A blanket approval or condemnation would be a great timesaver.  It’s especially nice to have predictability when the person in question seems demented in general, but that would require sanity in the first place.  Judging every single person on a case-by-case basis is exhausting.  But welcome to life.  Worshipping every presidential decision is as unthinkingly unpleasant as bitching constantly.  Join us in mocking them.

Among greater joys, it’d be convenient if Republicans would always limit government’s cloddish reach, and not just so we could have an actual damn choice.  But, like alcohol’s assurance that we can dance well, it’s not always true.  Ceaseless suspicion is especially crucial now with an oft-statist president from the party that used to be nominally known for letting free enterprise exist.  Now, we can’t trust the GOP to quit bothering us any more than we can expect its president to do as he says.  That’s not necessarily bad.  Making the mistake of thinking the oafish things he’s said will become law is a uniquely gullible form of fear-mongering.  Be thankful for his established inability to get things done.

Backing someone is just the start.  I know that you should never have to exercise again after getting to an ideal weight, but reality is cruelly arranged so calorie burns must continue.  Likewise, those on our side deserve continuous scrutiny.  Do we even have one anymore? Try to keep an eye on the last Jedi Knights and make sure they’re doing their sit-ups.

You should be most concerned about policing drunken loutishness at your own family reunion.  It’s especially important to hold those for whom you backed accountable.  Presume the other side will act like jagoffs.  It’s the free ponies your people guaranteed that should concern you. Letting them get sloppy does them no favors, which in turn ends up making you look bad.

Can’t this stupid universe be ordered?  We prefer to recognize patterns out of logic and comfort.  It’s easy to classify Republicans as heartless money-hugging poor-slappers while deciding that all Democrats are wine cask-smashing vandals who think they need to supervise our wallets.  In truth, they’re both pretty much the latter with one slightly more obnoxious.  The exceptions make life exhilarating. Well, at least it sucks less.

Can everyone please pick a side?  We’re trying to make stupid life easier here.  The quest for tendencies is natural.  Many things fall into categories that make it easy to decide what’s worthwhile.  Sam Raimi movies rule, duh, while I wouldn’t watch anything with Melissa McCarthy on a bet.  It’s nice to know what will suck or be awesome ahead of time.  But many present trends defy easy categorization, possibly because those in power haven’t thought ahead of what’s for lunch.  It’s a reflection of lunacy that nothing makes sense, so appreciate arbitrariness for the surprises it contains.

That yin-yang symbol you drew on junior high notebook covers is useful to recall now.  Remember that even bad presidents may achieve something laudable while good ones can slip.  Or, we can have an exhausting gasbag that could blunder into occasional success. Checking whether the delinquent is finally behaving is what contemporary politics is about.  Even a broken clock is right twice a day unless the hands snapped off.

Restrain the reflex to scold automatically.  It will take far more self-restraint than the president displays, so at least you’ll feel important.  Trump has intermittently been useful by instinct, accident, or advisor coercion.  Not knowing when it’ll happen makes it fun like the slot machines which he couldn’t make profitable in Atlantic City. Besides, automatically agreeing is as dull as Tim Kaine.  How do partisans stay sharp when they always either praise or bitch? Oh.

Tee’d Party

The frictionless resistance has already lost its grip.  Hypocrisy isn’t developing muscles.  Professional paraders mocked those who noticed the country isn’t working before trying to copy them.  They won’t take monstrous ideas like self-reliance and retaining what’s earned, naturally: they just hope to copy the tactics without also being motivated by distaste for federal oppression.  Freedom means paying your own bills, and that’s just costly.

The Tea Party is shorthand for everything liberals loathe about our nation.  Liberty by law is noxious to those who appreciate everything about America as long as it changes into another random loser welfare state that emasculates itself to remove any urge to fight back.  In the spirit of bipartisanship, shame those evil racist Red State dunces who dared to notice what’s legal, not to mention that the country runs better when it’s not committing crimes against itself.  Also, liberals want their own version.  Just please don’t pray or drink Pabst un-ironically.

I bristle at charges that the Tea Party was as fake as Shaun King’s complexion boasts, mostly because I never got my Koch checks. No nefarious conglomerate has to pay people to have ideas that encourage the right to be left alone.  Mandatory communalism endorsees struggle to believe anyone could volunteer.

Those who wonder why Obama doesn’t get credit for three dollars of growth think good ideas start with money.  Funds come from someone else, of course, as spending your own is so unfair.  And who wants to run a business for profit like some soulless Republican?  That sounds like an overwhelming amount of effort, not to mention the taxes as punishment for success.  It would’ve been easier to perpetrate organized defiance if everyone didn’t go back to work.  By contrast, many liberals are ready to picket at a moment’s notice.  Count it as employment if you’d like.

You’d think a bunch of filthy hippies would generate organic resistance.  Instead, the sloppy Frankensteins create genetic monstrosities that would make Monsato blush.  Give them more and they’ll be successes.  As with everything else they believe, government enthusiasts think it’s simply a matter of mustering enough currency to convince others. They’re too important to earn it themselves.  Cynically and fruitlessly thinking an advertising budget is all it takes explains Obamacare, at least.  The idea backed by the biggest financier wins, according to those with crummy ones.  And you say they’re poor at business?

Moral equivalency is toxic when applied to the other side, as well. Treating all anger as justified disregards the source.  Wes Anderson and the Transformers people both make movies, so why aren’t they all respected?  Popularity isn’t everything.

Conservatives wanted the government to obey the law.  Meanwhile, Trump’s noisiest foes freak that he might not be involved in lives to their liking.  Deafly going to DEFCON 1 shows how they fear they won’t be oppressed enough, at least not in the charismatic style they preferred.  Why can’t we get a cool guy again to suavely bark orders?  For now, those who happen to be in the country illegally might learn we have rules, and that’s just mean.

Charles Bronson-style revenge fantasies are due for a comeback.  Imagine the president’s critics intimidated into silence by the IRS for the full Tea Party experience.  It’s not just so they can see how they like it, as empathy without identical experience is apparently impossible in an era where we all live in cybertubes.  More importantly, liberals would finally grasp how casually oppressive the system they adore can be.

There has to be a better way to get bullying fans to see how exhaustingly stupid our government is.  So, Trump could actually do something useful.  Disobeying liberals who might agree with many of his policies if his golden name were taken off might be the only way they learn.  Explain irony tomorrow.

If a new boss ruins the office, it wasn’t a good job in the first place. Conventional revolutionaries used to be a fan of collectivism until the cast change.  Nobody enjoyed the Coy and Vance episodes. But the Bizarro Tea Party condemns the entirety of Hazzard County. That Rebel flag was banned for tolerance.

Steadiness is tricky when you hate everyone in a different jersey.  It’s easy keep protesting when an adversary exercises power arbitrarily.  But fighting all overreach on principle means a chance of losing one’s Purity Pin.  Some only want to get sadistic on dissenters.  The Tea Party is followed by the You Comply.  People somehow disregard it. Their indignant group is designed to compensate for low enrollment with loud noises.  Somehow, the opposition doesn’t seem to gain much traction.  They get lots of support as long as it’s required by mandate.  It’s too bad friendship can’t be compelled.

Donalds and Demons

You poor shrieking protesters don’t look like you slept much.  Tell us about your nightmare.  Did a monster knock out your teeth at school before an exam you didn’t study for, not to mention you forgot to get dressed?  Just know it isn’t real.  Let out those shrieks and know the terrors you saw can only hurt on the inside.  Vent in ceaseless protests and every Facebook post.  The latter’s current exhausting divisiveness makes me long for workout updates from high school classmates.

Don’t act like we’re watching The Happening when we may only be enduring The Village.  We’ll be lucky if this flick is only half as bad as portrayed.  The Trump presidency may still be something that’s odd to type, but I predict it’ll only end up at 40 percent horrid strength.  America may not even fall off the Earth and burn up in the stratosphere.

Focus on what’s actually bad, as the terrifying fictional vision distracts from the current unpleasant documentary.  The imaginary evil Donald distracts from the real tiresome one.  Don’t fear the demons under the bed when there are actual barbarians outside.  Sleep tight!

A buffoon can do real damage when nobody suspects him.  Blame every hysterical adult infant who yelled so much about fake abuse that any charge now seems like a witch hunt.  Acting like someone cloddish is diabolical distracts from his actual damage.  Mindless putzing’s effects can be exacerbated by treating a shoplifter like a Legion of Doom board member.

Reducing readiness is already a Democratic specialty.  Dire outcomes of their ludicrous thoughts aren’t limited to the time they’re in power. Simple neglect defines their governing style.  By contrast, acting like charter schools will trigger America’s Holocaust tenses muscles into premature fatigue.  The civil defense squad is already exhausted.  Perpetual sirens cause peril.  Yell until hoarse from behind the White House fence at the greatest enemy.  It’s a nice change of pace from splitting atoms for Iran.

The most improbable of presidents seems pretty bad without accusing him of maniacal fantasies.  Progressives’ pet media taught them details shouldn’t get in the way of a narrative led by their feelings.  A man who specializes in explaining why he’s awesome will do enough daft things that there’s no reason to mischaracterize.  Nobody will believe the meteor’s coming when it’s just a Buick headed for the porch.  There will still be carnage.

For people who accuse every dissenter of having phobias, Trump critics sure fear every Republican.  Of course, they’re justified, as everyone who thinks the EPA can get a bit out of hand is a duck-punching Nazi Satanist feasting on orphan blood.  That’s why the truly tolerant don’t need to consider conservative positions to be open-minded.

One would think the president’s harshest critics would’ve researched someone they despise so thoroughly.  Knowing thy enemy is apparently to reminiscent of militaristic behavior.  The Indignant Brigade is even more offended than usual.  They think the incumbent embodies ideals that run counter to the enervating communalism that messed us up in the first place.  No worries: Trump won’t reverse too many of Obama’s dumb things.  Anyone who dares think humans are best when left to interact is way more evil than some terrorist that we probably oppressed into wanting to bomb us.

Why wouldn’t you want to make everyone share by law?  Washington rips us off, but at least we get shoddy products out of it.  Liberals don’t have to worry that much about Trump hurting their precious stupid projects.  Cutting the government back to four bacon cheesecakes per week is not even a common diet suggestion from this White House. Trump’s fiercest critics don’t want to admit how often he suggests something liberal.  The active refusal to admit how often they agree with him manifests itself in savage attacks.  Hmmm, I almost think it could be psychological.

Professional chanters refuse to admit what he hasn’t actually done.  Don’t even mention what programs they’d like if Obama suggested them, as they’re already confused.  Okay: go ahead.  For complicated yet depressing reasons, the cloddish statist executive is portrayed as an Austrian economics-loving libertarian purist who won’t read Ayn Rand because she’s too much of a collectivist.  In reality, he doesn’t even know what’s in the books he’s supposedly written.

The flailing outbursts would’ve happened no matter which Republican sent Hillary Clinton into quasi-retirement after a lifetime of alleged service.  Those demented enough to miss Barack Obama concluded the enemy of repulsive compulsion is impurity.  Know they would be calling, say, Scott Walker Hitler Junior, only without hideous black glass towers in front of which to bleat.

Yelling out of frustration makes sense in its own twisted world.  Utterly rational liberals freak out every time one of their garbage programs might even be slightly modified because they fear their mumbo jumbo will be exposed by contrast.  Horrible health care and education are small prices to pay for sanctimony.  They just needed even more of your money to get their shameful ideas to function properly.
Shortsighted ineptness is the real enemy.  This branch of the White House is more likely to go out of business than become Evilcorp.  The man who claimed he’d dominate Atlantic City holds the record for the most empty casinos with his name on them. Those who’ve made protesting him both a career and hobby hate that his businesses resemble the aftermath of their principles.  A failure to understand commerce should unite them.  Miscommunication is tragic.