Success at Failing

The upside is there aren’t as many broken-bottle stabbings in contemporary America as anticipated.  Still, factions screaming at each other about different things is exhausting even without bloodshed.  Like most arguments these days, the raucous debaters don’t even bother to check the topic first.  That would waste valuable snarling time.

Modern freedom fighters want to exterminate those who dare think our stupid government might be bad at getting an economy purring.  That’s fine. But could we at least agree on the terms?  It’s not just semantics to note there’s a difference between our country being in good shape and what policies actually create that.  Now’s the time for shrieks about what “semantics” means.

It doesn’t even matter which incorrect question one answers.  The wrong response determines whether you love America or want to live in Mexico with all the other commies.  It’s too bad we can’t agree on what’s being asked.  The shouting makes it tricky to hear grammatical tone.  Also, nobody can recognize sarcasm.  Oh, that’s really great. But it’s tough to deliver a line properly over gloating that winning is everything, anyway.  The Patriots are rewarded despite their crimes because it’s what 2017 is.

The debate about whether we hope any random president succeeds versus hoping his policies fail to become law is particularly popular following a party change.  But we’d rather bicker about whether we like any suggested policies during the voter suck-up portion of the election instead of wishing everything works for the best after voters choose.  We don’t get a do-over no matter how curious the selection.  No matter what, some would rather pretend they’re getting deported for having uteri.

We can’t even agree what a touchdown is, so don’t bother keeping score.  Liberals think everyone’s happy if the ball stays at the 50.  Schrödinger’s country could be making progress, but there’s no consensus on what that would entail.  It’s no wonder your Facebook feed is even crankier than usual.  For one, some strange citizens think having the government that can’t deliver your mail in charge of your health is a victory for both conscience and wallet.  Similarly, florists prohibited from declining services for what they don’t consider to be a wedding in tolerance’s name is called progress by some.  Decline is praised, which makes getting ahead difficult.

The Blair Witch Project changed filmmaking.  It’s just that idiots in their 20s running around filming inane unscripted moments as shakily as possible may not have been a positive alteration.  How one defines progress affects the debate.  Postmodern politics are too trendy to be interesting.  This is a quantum physics sort of world where observation affects the experiment.  Those who disregard sonograms while claiming gender is a decision claim to be on science’s side.

The ability to bend events to one’s will is not necessarily a virtue. Just think of who’s been president.  Barack Obama was effective at elbowing in on liberty and helping Iran split atoms, but that doesn’t quite mean he was good.  Keeping a crummy president from getting the silly things he wants is actually a benefit.  Whichever aide crushes Adderall into Trump’s pudding deserves a medal.

Those who think many of the incumbent’s schemes are unfortunate can politely suggest alternatives.  Try a firmly-worded Twitter reply, as that’s where he spends most of is day.  Hey: he’s just like us.  The excessively optimistic can hope he somehow gets swell ideas. Stranger things have happened.  Take his election.  Powerball players can fantasize about a suddenly shrewd id, cheer for his more perspicacious advisers do the actual work, or cross fingers that he’ll indulge in his professed willingness to negotiate.  Dreamers have different standards these days.

Americans are praying, and not to the president.  That’s going to anger him. Perhaps spiritual guidance will allow sensibility to prevail despite its unpopularity.  A levelheaded cabinet could actually set policy while the chief oaf hogs credit.  That’s what would happen on a sitcom, after all, and we may as well titter at the escapades.  Ask your deity to please let Steve Bannon be so consumed by rage that he continues failing, which means Trump will have to fire him.  It’s only winners here, right?

A nicer country’s better than tossing out a party because everything’s unpleasant.  Giving someone else a shot is just takes sometimes. Conservatives weren’t cheering against Obama, believe it or not.  We just hated his comically stupid ideas.  The smirking condescension didn’t help, but it was mostly what he was saying and not the way he suckered more gullible fellow citizens.  Everyone else was just hoping he stopped having insipid ideas that would make us too poor to notice how bothered we were.  We knew what his policies would do and hoped he’d be distracted by having to sharpen Biden’s crayons.

Dwindling liberty fans just hope any random president has a good idea or doesn’t wreck the country until we can replace him.  But there are only so many times in a row we can do that.

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