What’s Not to Love

Everything is swell, and furious citizens aren’t going to stand for it.  Sure, there are a million things to fix.  I’ve listed about 16 percent of them on Twitter.  But we’re not even a quarter of the way to fascism, which is why people have ample time to fantasize that Mussolini’s ghost is super jealous.  You can tell government doesn’t permit dissent by how often people claim it without being arrested.

How would you like some irony to accompany your anger and despair?  The emotional smorgasbord isn’t filling despite countless options.  The very tranquility that results from our system actually gives ingrates chances to complain.  Even better, the toddlers with every material benefit who have the least reason to scream throw tantrums about the limits which blessedly prevent them from getting their way.  The difference is young children have an excuse for failing to yet learn that Sugar Daddies aren’t suitable meals.

We may as well not lock the door since nobody has broken in.  How could that cause robberies?  Those who don’t appreciate what security has done are colloquially known as victims.  It’s tough to measure what’s prevented.  Nobody presents a medal to whichever hero stopped Will Ferrell from making more films.  But intelligence-gathering and soldier-deploying might precisely be why there aren’t victims clogging the sidewalks.

Resent the oh so oppressive cop standing on the corner who keeps crimes from ever happening.  Vague memories of thousands of Americans murdered for the crime of existing shouldn’t prompt anything hostile like double-checking IDs of our nation’s guests.

Progressives are eager to help the poor they create.  They stubbornly refuse to realize that the drag on the economy caused by their alleged compassion is why there are so many victims.  But they’re there to help.  How could you feel better if there were no destitute to receive aid?  Take currency from the few bastards who manage to succeed so they don’t start feeling lucky.  Sure, less federal spending would mean more private buying, which is the ultimate anti-poverty program.  But anyone earning enough to buy their own groceries would turn into bloodthirsty capitalists, and Democrats have enough trouble winning without Obama.

Respecting this country’s boundaries doesn’t just mean bringing your passport if you go to Tijuana or Fort Erie.  Some news viewers may have encountered reports of unearthed documents that prevent excessive exercise on power.  The interdictions are not tangible yet very real.  Those sad puppies still convinced Hillary would be competently scandal-free right now plot to remove the straitjacket permanently in 2021.  A doctor’s approval won’t even be necessary.  Everyone else is enjoying dinner as they seethe about how much more pleasant it would be if only they were allowed to smash the plates.

It’s okay when the person for whom I voted gets carried away, because I only back the benevolent.  There’s no need to verify when the honor system has made our country great.  Note who is thankful for checks and balances as long as they can be unchecked and unbalanced upon their return to power.  Hey: I don’t want that other party bossing me around!

Liberals have suddenly learned the president is only supposed to be allowed to do so much without legislative approval.  It’s better to learn civics before the siren goes off.  But that’s what they get for claiming civic pride is only cool in Squaresville.  Even worse, the notion of restraint is as repellant to their side as Nikolai Volkoff singing the Red Anthem is to us real Americans. Now, they face the quandary of limiting federal bossiness until they get an election result that doesn’t make them seethe.  Sure, individual initiative goes against their philosophy.  But why are they going to start learning about foresight now?

The Constitution’s existence prevents excesses which are illegal for good reason.  Maybe liberals should take note.  The person in charge doesn’t change things, or at least shouldn’t.  I know it’s tough to alter one’s worldview.  But we’d adjust to shooting alien visitors out to conquer Earth in no time if that became the new standard.

From installing failed policies to fuming they may be changed, it’s little wonder Democrats are always so grouchy.  They risibly demand we indulge in exhausting silliness that creates more of the crises they claim to fight.  It’s not that they’re evil: they’re just horrid at recognizing patterns.

Devastating liberal policies only failed because they weren’t liberal enough, you see.  Meanwhile, the very thing keeping their lunatic ideas from dragging us down is what they target most urgently.  Their lack of firearms training is evident in how often they miss the mark.  They’ll bitch that the gunsights were off.  The self-styled heroic opposition would complain about their shoes coming untied after surviving a tornado.


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