Fox News monitor and occasional president Donald Trump is the only hope Democrats have. They should be nicer to him. But destroying their enemies is now a reflexive goal, even for allies. They need a chart. Someone point out how often he agrees with them while making their lives easier.
Boorishness paired with statist desires makes the incumbent sound like one of their own. But Republicans will be saddled with him until the end of time or until the party is replaced by one based around wanting cops and soldiers on guard while being left to drink alone. So far, I’m the only member. The animal mascot is of course a monkey wearing a pirate hat.
Street chanters were so worried about shaking the president’s confidence that they didn’t notice they’re affiliated with a regional party. Piling up votes from a few dim sickos concentrated in obnoxious cities and our more unfortunate states isn’t a winning strategy unless that slick-talking conman who was their last winner grows a convincing mustache as a disguise. Scharak McBama is their best 2020 hope.
The present Democratic Party is the exact sort the Founders worried about, which is why they put in an electoral college. Sorry again, Hillary. I know the Constitution keeps thwarting your dreams. If it makes her feel better, the Constitution’s authors would’ve also been appalled by her side’s dedication to bossing around people rendered destitute by the same oppressive policies.
The concentrated group of illegal immigration enthusiasts and vulgar anatomical hat-wearers should be glad the Party of Reagan is now embodied by a confused aspiring strongman. Setting a new standard for oafishness isn’t a virtue any more than rising debt. But we get to experience new records almost daily. Even the unlikely executive’s rare good ideas so far have been poorly-explained. Doing a bad job of explaining horrid concepts actually works out for the country. Avoiding damage is now for optimists.
The only thing worse than Trump’s crudely generic language is when he explains something clearly. Take his stubborn unwillingness to touch entitlements that are entitling workers to be taxed mercilessly in exchange for a pittance that nonetheless pushes us toward default. Social Security is an even worse investment than Trump Ice. The difference is he can force you to participate in one. A guy with a history of baffling products rejected by customers finally found a racket where everyone must buy.
It takes a few moments to define situations because politics is tricky. Unfortunately, humans hypnotized by magical glowing screens are only able to pay attention for a fraction of that time, not to mention that the lack of direct interaction has made everyone rude. In fact, you stopped reading this column a long time ago, although that’s still no reason to call me a jerk. There are other perfectly fine ones.
To further overload our fried circuit board brains, the liberal party can only be saved by a liberal from the other side. Calling someone a fascist as they agree with his policies sure is confusing. That’s not helping during the three-second explanation window.
There’s a high chance pointless spending will continue to skyrocket, so nobody should worry. Paying for it is irrelevant, at least for those who think voting for tomorrow means spending today spending soberly. Meanwhile, waiting for that Obamacare repeal remains like hoping Trump decides to give up spewing lame insults in tweets in reply to perceived slights. And don’t forget whispers about an exasperatingly lax immigration plan to Marco Rubio’s left. You may recall him as the young and charismatic spokesman for limiting government who was deemed too much of a leftist squish for his willingness to discuss the issue with Democratic lunkheads.
The loser of a battle between an oft-liberal president and his deranged liberal critics will be conservatism, of course. Somehow, people who want to slit government’s throat will be accused of fattening it. Acting as if conservatives want to keep throwing money taken from others requires a fantastic devotion to the idea that each party wholly represents a particular ideology. In reality, “Republican” means “conservative” in the same sense that an Oscar proves a movie is worth seeing.
At least Democrats are consistent. That’s not necessarily a virtue. Massive mandatory schemes they’d endorse if made by their own president will inflict damage as they’re implemented by a fellow they despise more than Cyborg Hitler. Trump is the embodiment of the preposterous stereotype that businessmen looking for any advantage they can are for the free market. It’s just particularly untrue for this particular businessman. But don’t confuse anyone with anything as complicated as evidence.