Your Fault

The other side is going to make errors.  This is politics, after all. But this may be a better time to replace the engine rather than merely point out it fell off the wing.  Waiting for a party to screw up is very inspiring.  Well, at least it’s reliable.  The one thing bound to happen in politics is politicians trying stupid things.  The failure of comical schemes is guaranteed.  Still, it’s easier to prosper if things are certain to work properly.  It’s just hard to ensure with present manufacturing equipment.

Winning races is easy as long as the other side is full of idiots, too.  Of course, swooping in after the rival’s imbeciles tried to double the rent money on three-card Monte is not a new strategy.  But neither is pretending to be an outsider.

You can totally place your faith in a stalwart anti-politician with a plan to clean up this town.  The fact he inevitably ends up piping in more filth just means you didn’t believe hard enough.  Those who are shocked that those new to elected office just screw it up more blatantly should try to conceal their gullibility.  But that implies they’re capable of self-examination.

Exhausted modern folks are so lucky to have presidents who know what’s best for us.  Electing the smartest and most decent is surely proof that providence is on our side.  Divine intervention must occur every time we enter voting booths.  Otherwise, this great nation is stocked with cretins who just know a different label on the same dim plans will change it all.  For example, we’ve endured consecutive figureheads who won wholly on bitching about the other party.  The frenzy didn’t cause as much happiness as you’d think.  Promptly arming foes with tales of incompetence probably didn’t help.

People just know it’s going wrong.  But that’s not a solution.  Even simpletons can be aware of impending doom.  Just ask the president.  Feel free to note the meteors are entering the atmosphere, as that’s the easy part.  Shooting them down is far trickier.  Listen to sports talk radio for countless examples of diagnosing problems.  As for the roster moves that will improve a team’s fate, just know that present players stink.  Well, I can’t argue.

We could change to a driver with different acceleration patterns.  Someone who proposes how to hit the brakes is going to be outvoted.  But the guardrail gets veto power.  Solutions on both sides inevitably involve bossing around Americans more, as we don’t get enough of a hassle as a privilege of living in Earth’s freest nation as it is.  Plummeting chaotically is normal.  You’ve never had that sinking feeling before?

The actual alternative of scaling back is to be mocked as sorcery.  Why would you work for gold when our best alchemists synthesize it from mud?  Take it from a president who puts his name in the classiest metal color whenever possible.

The answers are simple, which makes them complicated to achieve.  A mere budget freeze would do wonders for our wallets and sense that we’re capable of filling them.  But politicians know that reducing the rate of spending increases will cause the Earth to be rendered uninhabitable even faster than via climate change.  Don’t doubt those so good at making money that they had to win elections to keep from starving.

Now, they’ll tell you how to manage your income so we can all enjoy it. That won’t stop all the stupid garbage they hope pursue. Wasting more of our money is their consolation prize for purchasing against our will. Well, that’s not fun. The unwillingness to purchase it voluntarily should tell them something.  What they hear is that previous confiscatory policies didn’t go far enough.  Please tell me how to get rid of everything for which I toiled so as to not be tempted by material goods.  What are you: selfish?

Please continue to think life can be perfected through commands.  Previous failures were just part of the buildup.  Next time, some pompously doltish politician’s plan will actually save humanity.  Until we get the exception, the intrusions will remain disastrous.  Predictability isn’t necessarily a virtue.

A different sticker changes the package’s contents.  Let’s try Republicans proposing the same intrusive framework as Democrats only while standing in front of a bald eagle mural to see if pretending it’s for America will help.  The fine political tradition of answering what changes one would make by pointing out all the preposterous junk the opponent attempted is just part of the scheme.  Convince them you’re slightly less atrocious.


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