Personal Policy

Which party’s deities appeal to you?  Your soul’s final destination depends on the proper answer, so think carefully.  It doesn’t matter if they’re all jerks.  Like women last decade engaging in the regrettable habit of deciding which awful Sex and the City character embodied their personalities, you have to align yourself with a gross choice.  I like the one who’s a selfish and superficial person. That’s such a Miranda thing to say.

Political atheists are heathens who think ideas are more important than dudes. In these modern times, the people are the message.  The incumbent’s most devoted loathe his predecessor’s equivalents.  Yet they’re both worshipping very fallibly messiahs.  The right president will eliminate your worries just like promised in the Constitution and life.  I can’t find the clauses in question, but so many presume they exist that they must be real.

The bipartisan fixation on personality as the solution causes ample problems. They just differ on the guy.  Some approaches should be more distinct. There’s no political home if you dislike both Joe Besser and Curly Joe. It should feel liberating to not have to defend one of these crummy parties.  But both strive to clamp down on that loosey-goosey feeling where Americans can do as they wish.

Division on one side doesn’t multiply the other’s popularity.  Capitalism’s voluntary search for value leads to exchanges that are more than zero-sum games.  By contrast, politics lead to less.  Anyone gloating about Ayn Rand fans who dislike Trump should ask where the equivalent was with Obama.  Bernie fans are the closest to dissenters, and they’re merely more honest about being pinko rats.  Conservatives think their ostensible home party is too liberal.  Liberals think their side’s liberals aren’t liberal enough.  I’ve had enough, too.

We wouldn’t want a showman to con his way to the White House by manipulating a cult into thinking he’d make their lives better through executive orders.  I forgot which one I meant.  Politics is now about following the guy who promised salvation in exchange for fealty.  Like 1984 came true with the important distinction of happening voluntarily, the feudal system has been preserved by choice.  Serfs choose to farm for their dear lords. Why go off on one’s own?  There are bandits and plagues about. Besides, this is the classiest manor around.

Stop being contrarian and do as I wish.  You’re the jerk who’s keeping us from getting together.  Modern enlightened humans preen about how they’re above divisiveness. Dismissing anything foes think makes it easy.  If they claim the show between Friends and Seinfeld was awful, it must’ve been amazing, as nobody who dares disagree could ever claim something in good faith.

Smirking dulls perception.  Liberals should but don’t feel shame for how they gave atom-craving Iran more freedom than American insurance customers.  Now, they don’t realize we criticize Trump because he agrees with them.  Government as the solution is how contemporary presidents treat problems.  Parties don’t matter.  We’re all together, which is why everyone is so pleasant.  Some of us crabby dissenters criticize the incumbent for hypocritically using federal power as a conservative.  Actually, we call people like that liberals.

While you might be able to hit the Hells Angel with your iPhone, it’s a bet you should decline.  There’s all the difference in the world between what works and whether or not it’s a good idea.  A guy who’s a little too confident about his ability to alter human nature might not be trustworthy.

Saying the other side did it all wrong is how the previous and current president each got into office.  But the quarter-assed plans to warp reality through charisma aren’t suddenly validated with a party change.  Lame ideas can get the most electoral votes.  That’s the whole problem here, see. Panhandling works, too, but that doesn’t make it dignified.

Personality replaces ideology.  Even worse, voters go with jerks.  We gave up the right to be left alone so the most obnoxious in our ranks could instruct us vigorously.  Rights subject to the executive’s mood aren’t rights at all.  You’ll have to trust their interdictions on your decisions and spending, as the whims of our demigods are legally binding.

The seduction leaves autonomy heartbroken.  Government swells far past its proper boundaries as the benevolent quasi-king rules.  Mood swings inspired by the preferred cable news headlines turn out to not be the best way to get good results.  That’s especially apparent when watching the tantrums.  Obama had a plan while his successor prefers winging it.  Either way, we’re facing 12 years of constant supervision.  At least pick someone you’d trust to take in your mail while you’re on vacation.

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