In Charge and Inattentive

The best football fans could make throws some lame NFL quarterback couldn’t.  It’s very easy to spot who’s open from the couch.  Being president is the same except for lower stakes.  The Super Bowl is more essential than tracking whichever countries are blowing up each other.  It’s no different as president, at least at present.  Fox & Friends sets the agenda in these rational times.  I always thought Brian Kilmeade deserved more say in how the world goes.

But even those whose entire outlook consists of telling others how they stupidly do everything wrong are shocked by the job’s secrets. Forget what’s really in Area 51, as I presume it’s nothing but bourbon cases along with a Mad Magazine collection shared by Joe Biden and Dan Quayle in the spirit of bipartisanship.  If anything’s left hidden in the world, the president knows.  Please change his Twitter password.

Some secrets are so big that even Donald Trump won’t blurt them out.  As with a football coach, his job is to know more than those watching. He can remember what it was like to own a USFL franchise before he ruined the league.

You can tell when our classy president leaves a meeting with an empty gaze that he just learned something unpleasant about our world. Spacing out is a possible cause, but it’s not certain. Seeing the grave reports will change anyone’s mind.  It’s especially so for those who can no longer rely on Bill O’Reilly’s talking points for information.  A guy that charming shouldn’t need to harass ladies to score.

There’s a reason that nobody sane wants to be Earth’s most powerful person despite the perks.  The novelty of taking a helicopter to lunch wears off after awhile.  Learning just how grave the stakes are is the punishment for the biggest egomaniacs among us.  Trust that they know more while not letting them off the hook when they do something patently absurd.

Presidents should occasionally let us know if they’re acting ridiculously based on a secret they learned from a general or dork hacker. A wink while looking into the camera would be of great help. It would at least be nice to use as an excuse.

Decent work upsets the right people.  Every worthwhile decision is going to tick off a percentage of ingrates.  The man actually making them knows poverty or bloodshed could result.  You don’t have to feel bad for him.  But even the right move will make some act like their families have been slaughtered.

I’m going to be the fun boss that lets employees play pinball.  Who wants to be mean and yell?  Making preposterous promises is easy for those who don’t have to achieve them.  Find yourself in charge and suddenly have to figure out how to make this profitable.  The shock makes coolness evaporate.  Guess who’s scolding now?  Give the biggest office to the guy involved with multiple bankruptcies to see the principle in action.  He never seemed that neat from the start.

Filling out complaint cards is campaign behavior.  Some of them contain useful criticism, even if it tends to be from people cranky enough to moan that their marinara portion was too small.  But that doesn’t mean the person who left the two-star Yelp review knows how to ensure the mozzarella sticks are crispy enough.  Doing the job is infinitely tougher than pointing out how to do it better, unless movie critics are more interesting than directors.

Consecutive presidents treating bitching as a strategy haven’t reaffirmed our faith in sweet government.  Their penchant for treating it like the universal solution creates irony which helps us smirk through agony. Those unsuited for the top job nonetheless getting it make the case for properly limiting power.  It’s not about to happen, but at least conservative theories survive through those who oppose them in practice fumbling so badly.

An utter lack executive experience was the last guy’s biggest asset. Barack Obama bluffed his way into ensuring enough gazing suckers refused to call his claptrap.  Moaning from a street corner, the Senate, and the campaign trail substituted for feasible planning.  By comparison, acting is the one thing Donald Trump shares in common with Ronald Reagan.  He’s lived the role of a rich guy, as seen by all the glitz and pink marble around him.  Letting him be in charge of a hollow golden-painted egg with his name stenciled was as far as he should’ve gotten.

But he’s in the real boss’s chair now.  Trump has to act like a grownup. Being 70 is nothing more than a shallow indicator.  Actual maturity is not guaranteed by a certain number of trips around the Sun. Despite what Alex Jones may claim, that’s how our planet actually moves.

Regardless, it was way more fun for the president to note what the last guy with the job did wrong.  That was before the confidential briefing phase. Sometimes, a flip-flop results from realizing just how grave the situation is.  Knowing is half the battle, which makes it easy to dodge a shallow criticism lobbed from the crowd.  Feel free to still mock the president even if he backed down for our own good.

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