Who needs a reason to fight? The punching’s the point. There’s no need to figure out why we’re angry. Boxers don’t loathe each other personally: they just punch. Parties stand for nothing, which resolves that question. It should’ve been easier to tell them apart by now considering how far we are into the future. But it’s hard to delineate between entities that’ve decided they’re both supposed to boss. At least everyone’s really smart. There’s no problem unless modern folks act like experts after reading a high percentage of a misleading headline.
Fogeys miss storylines where we knew who’s supposed to be good. Cherish the good old days of Saturday wrestling where the U.S. Express would take on any twerp aligned with the commies or some ayatollah. But now in modern times, the competition has degenerated into base tribalism that features bashing the other side’s skulls with hashtags. Virtual fighting represents genuine hostility.
Fictional grappling reflects real concerns. Pro wrestling moved from good and bad to seething clans in what’s totally not a reflection of society. There’s no ideology: it’s only about power. The WWE Hall of Fame president ran on a political philosophy developed over decades based around the concept that he’s awesome and deserves ego stroking.
Ancient people chose which side of the line to stand on based on common interests. But that happened before anyone blogged about it, so we have no record of the reason why we’re facing each other. We only know we want to destroy everyone we see. Troglodytes had it right. Or at least they better have. Regress to dirt farming to reduce our carbon footprint. Emojis are nothing more than virtual cave paintings.
Hate the other side because it’s the other side. Ideology is an old-fashioned way of thinking out why you believe a thing. Just blast your way through. Everyone wants the government deciding for them now, and the rage over phrasing it differently is how to compensate for the loss of liberty.
Trusting a clan’s warlord naturally leads to fealty, as we must obey his will for survival. At least, that’s what he hopes you believe. We better hope no other country challenges the president to a push-up contest or we’ll lose Wisconsin on a dare.
Historical ignorance makes the present even crummier. Take how Democrats claim they were never the pro-slavery and -segregation party. The good news is they’re totally not patronizing toward minorities now.
Meanwhile, cruel Republicans made the depression great by refusing to tinker with the economy, at least according to those who presume Donald Trump must share a philosophy with Ronald Reagan. A maniacal rate of spending and refusal to admit that anyone from the Bush Party could favor expanding government into your lap show how modern men are too busy to learn from the dumb past.
Everyone who thinks government makes things cheaper should group together so we can point and laugh. It should be easy to divide among parties. Conservative Southern Democrats are as rare as a clever insult from Trump. But this decade’s Alex P. Keatons aren’t enjoying proportional representation. Being disenfranchised is the price of not wanting one’s representative to sell stuff back to us. The middleman lusts over markup. We don’t get to refuse purchases.
Presuming anything Republicans get done is inherently conservative just encourages them to be more liberal. Facts are unimportant in an era when a man becomes a lady with a declaration. The unwillingness to check the party’s work means they can do as they please.
Don’t worry, as politicians are famously restrained without accountability. Who needs a Constitution when you’ve got consciences? People are so swell that we don’t need laws. Cheering without realizing why is a sign of being very engaged. Did you know federal spending makes us rich now? And Russia should be our friend.
Let nothing like reasoning or morality convince us that there’s something more to life than getting enough votes. Winning an election isn’t worthwhile unless there’s a good reason to have run. Making us buy health insurance shoddy enough to be sold at the DMV doesn’t count. There used to be one party that at least pretended to be against mandates, but the option was too confusing.
If wasting is the same as making, Washington does all right. Politics isn’t like business, seen in how the former’s employees are hired without experience. They promise to learn how to be effective after getting the job. Our best liars come up with brilliant plans, they assure voters who are too shrewd to fall for some goofy boast. A president posing as a business success is the perfect fake conservative. At least we beat those other guys who want the same basic junk.