Bad Bebop

A president who doesn’t know what he’s doing should mean we can get away with anything up to incinerating desks.  The substitute teacher’s term should feel more fun. But the nerds insist we had a pop quiz scheduled.  Detentions will continue on schedule.  And forget learning.

Expect our president’s boasting of what he doesn’t know to continue.  His lack of qualifications was clear decades ago.  Some dare still claim a lack of skill is a virtue in and of itself.  Go in there fresh. Flight school is a boring way of ensuring the plane is level.  If you’re in the sky, why wouldn’t you like to bounce around?

The incumbent doesn’t like the job, which is as unsurprising as his lack of principles.  It’s hard and he’s not adulated nearly enough.  He naturally still believes he’s incredible based on the business of slapping his name on rubbish.  Those who predicted exactly this exhausting stalemate don’t feel victorious, especially with a depressing number of Bizarro Imperial Guard troops maintaining loyalty to a leader with his Napoleon hat on sideways.

Trying to bull his way through is bound to reassemble broken china. Brute force is better than some egghead thinking the doorknob might turn.  Donald Trump professes some vague notion of doing whatever works, which is like saying improve the economy as a plan and not a goal.

Those who haven’t formulated any ideological framework are pretty lousy at making up solutions.  But at least they’re not bound to lame rules. I’m sure football would be much more exciting if you could tackle anyone whenever.  It’s too bad he never got that rule change in the USFL.

Anyone who willingly or unwittingly fell for the executive’s shtick in the first place may not be admitting how reality unfolded.  It’s natural to hope the thing of which one conceives will be just as awesome in practice.  But we live in a Sea Monkeys world where the frustration caused by the chasm between what’s imagined and what occurs is omnipresent.  So that’s why everyone’s so grumpy.

Trump was going to be so amazing that there was no reason to even serve. He’s still not resigning, so banish the thought to fantasy.  The most zealous devotees aren’t going to let how he’s crummier than some qualified imaginary president with principles affect their affection. They’re going to keep writing eBay feedback before receiving their vintage t-shirt.  They’re out of luck when a women’s Bon Jovi concert top arrives instead of a New York Dolls one.

Of the innumerable charming aspects of our delightful president’s personality, my favorite is how he’s the precise opposite of straightforward despite countless brainless claims. Saying whatever comes to mind that moment is a form of veracity, unless he’s trying to suck up to whoever he’s facing.  But I see little evidence he’s capable of such treachery.  It’s quite an adventure wondering who he’ll placate next.  Would you believe he could suck up even more?

Sure, the semi-president is ideologically incoherent.  But at least we don’t get honesty out of it.  Constantly equivocating is odd behavior for someone who tells it like it is.  It’s as if he’s not the tough guy portrayed in muscular depictions on alternative internet message boards. Suckers out to compensate for their own rage don’t seem like the types to invest their hopes in a professional charlatan, so maybe Trump really can do that many push-ups.

Trump is consistent if the urge to order you counts.  He inevitably proposes more government as the answer.  It worked when he bribed politicians with donations, as that’s why we have eminent domain. Presuming government solves every problem is the territory of a political novice.  Did I mention he’s president?  That means he gets to order you to buy his products. It’s not too late for our teetotaler executive to again distill Trump Vodka and mandate we drink it at every meal.

I know it’s treasonous to suggest the president didn’t descend from Mar-a-Lago to save us wretches from glumness.  But I can’t ditch this nagging suspicion his promises are as useless as a Trump Plaza rewards card.

A business career of insane promises and meager results inspires even less confidence now. Decide for yourself whether words or actions are more important.  Some voters could’ve paid attention a few years ago.  But the frenzy about his game show was more interesting. Humiliating celebrities even more minor than him was almost too presidential.

Saying whatever will please whoever’s listening is how modern man stays truthful.  Nobody can accuse you of fibbing if you’re inventing ideas.  The free verse leadership style hasn’t started a war, but give it time.  This president could use improv classes, not to mention a few years learning how a bill becomes a law.  He was too busy selling himself to study before becoming America’s executive.

The salesman’s only product remains his off-putting personality.  Good luck to anyone still buying.  An experiment to see if someone without a clue gets Earth’s most important job is the rare case where the science is settled.


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