A Place of Their Own

We are sorry the wealthiest and freest place around isn’t up to liberals’ standards.  The insufferable Yelp reviewers of politics know just how much cilantro their dishes should have contained despite struggling to operate microwaves on the rare nights when they don’t dine out.

America must be a horrid place when so many commoners can pay others to prepare and serve meals a couple times per week.  Tweet about how bland everything is at Cafe America from a magic affordable pocket screen that accesses all information we have from space beams.

It’s tough to debate freedoms with those who think we shouldn’t have them. Take how Obamacare didn’t go far enough because Republican hate speech made the public aware that people are capable of buying their own things.  Some are only happy after change.  Intolerant equality fans think this country became great once it allowed intramural marriage, so the president’s slogan made no sense.

Love is conditional, according to sophisticated modern man.  Liberals will remain patriotic as long as judges order their policies into place. Admiration is precarious.  A slight cut in federal funding for Planned Parenthood’s baby foundry means this will be a worse place than the Darth Vader lava planet. He didn’t care about global warming like a typical Republican.

Those sweet kids who think we can be ordered to buy something by law don’t much care for the country.  That’s not a slander.  In fact, they’d think it’s a compliment.  The obvious and lazy charge is nonetheless accurate. Love America so much that you want to change everything about it.  We help each other, you know.  Doing so by law may get pricey, but that’s how we ensure trust.

Those who can’t determine why the government failed to create efficiency despite what the law said are confused about so many things.  In particular, they never seem to be sure if they think America is worse than people who fuel cars with gasoline or if they love a pretend version where forced insurance embodies our values.  Either way, their schemes don’t fit in a country founded in the name of being left alone.  We trust you can do it.  Of course, our Founding Fathers didn’t anticipate future people would invent genders and get offended by the suggestion that human progress isn’t ruining our world.

To be fair, liberals like it when everything’s going wrong.  They only feel patriotic when they get something that’s blatantly against the values that got us to first place in the Nation Olympics.  Medals are elitist, not to mention mining for them displaces indigenous peoples in the name of wasting Mother Gaia’s resources.

The enthusiasm when, say, the Supreme Court imposes its will evaporates instantly if they don’t get precisely what they want.  That’s adulthood for you.  Revoke their crummy insurance and suddenly they’re going to indulge in tantrums like true adults.

The inability to control rage is a symptom of a disease. Sufferers view America as just another UN country.  In fact, we’re worse than authentically poor nations because of our dedication to free exchange and banishment of war criminals to the afterlife.  Look for purportedly snarky tweets featuring the phrase “But the Constitution!” for a sense of their contempt.

It’s all about perspective.  Take some that are miserable.  Conservatives celebrate Independence Day despite infringements.  Liberals scoff despite getting what they want.  Decide which is more pleasant.

Mocking those who are uncool enough to feel blessed they’re in a country where taxation is viewed as a felony reminds us how easy it is to not appreciate what’s accepted.  It’s remarkable that wholesale socialism is so popular in a country that got here precisely by stomping it out.  People who got rich by whining about greed know how to profit in their way.

Even American Idol’s return can’t account for this much idiocy. Blame a combination of public schools who prove why government sucks hard at everything and people with nothing left to do but bitch thanks to lives so comfy thanks to the free market.  Those who have learned away from the educational public option know to call that irony.

Would anyone like to move somewhere that’s already been ruined?  Unlike the snotty left’s ludicrous proposals, getting the hell out is only a suggestion.  They can stay here and be miserable at the endless battle against free will and limited government.  Or visit somewhere enlightened people perfected like Venezuela.  Cuba is both perfectly equal and easy to reach by plane.

It’s not mean or too simple to note Elizabeth Warren’s fan club officers really don’t seem comfortable here.  A racist hellhole that thinks people should buy their own things is no place for an enlightened progressive.  Asking if they’d like to leave fairly modest compared to their seething fantasies about anyone who disagrees.  It’s no wonder they want gun control.

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