User Named

The president who needs advice the most urgently preens that he has it all figured out.  Watch our leader share the outrageous notion that will totally still seem wise in three minutes.

Get used to regret, as screenshots others take are tough to delete.  As for the man who needs an Amazon Dash button for morning-after stationery, Donald Trump embodies Twitter like no other user.  It’s no wonder the site loathes him so.  He can speak without filters. There’s a new ancient Chinese curse: may your wish be granted.  A guy who urgently needs an editor doesn’t get one.

Like our nation, Twitter’s good despite who’s in charge.  You can say anything you’d like, unless some little narc reports you to a similarly-minded company toady.  There’s no problem as long as you think only rational notions and make sure you mean it when sending.  But it’s so fun to rant and click.  If social media is a mess, it means people are.  So, we’re doomed.  At least the descent will be well-documented.

The incumbent’s impulsiveness actually makes him a poor candidate to tweet a few dozen thousand times.  Clicking manically is precisely the wrong approach when you can post at light speed.  Pondering is most important when it’s easiest to skip. It may seem like Twitter and Trump go together like gin and vermouth.  But the actual cocktail tastes like rum with clamato. Instantaneous sites are no good without contemplation.  And he’s just the man to not think it out. That was like 17 updates ago.

The seemingly ideal social media fit is not as pure as it seems.  Twitter would be perfect as an indifferent forum.  Naturally, it refuses to be objective.  Pimping social justice junk somehow became the primary goal of a maxim-sharing service.  Twitter Moments is as reliably dull in liberalism as Mashable, Buzzfeed, Boing Boing, and all the other sites named by marker-huffing junior high kids. But at least their staff pursues the noble goal of protecting celebrities from nasty replies at all costs, as the lives of the blue checkmark gang are not cushy enough.

Trump needs a divorce from his account.  If the president and his favorite app were matched by eHarmony, they’d rightfully demand refunds. You’d think the proprietors of an obnoxious social media site would get along with its most notorious user. Unfocused leadership is a reflection of our lightning-fast world.  I’m ashamed of how primitive we still are, too.

Forget how the Outrage Brigade should be pleased at Trump’s frequent forays into liberalism. If you think they’re freaking out now, imagine what would happen if they realized the degree to which their Venn diagram circles overlap.

Twitter created something amazing they don’t understand.  It’s the George Lucas of social media. Credit is due for creating the amazing world of space battles and Wookiees.  But, like the site where Katy Perry is a saint, he gets no credit for what follows the concept. Lucas had to have control wrested from him by Mickey Mouse to avoid another film about trade disputes and Jar Jar.  Likewise, inane timeline meddling is as tiresome as Twitter’s assumption that Republicans hate equality because they didn’t want to change marriage.  Did you know that love wins?

Speaking of people who didn’t think things out, President Trump still can’t believe he bluffed his way here.  His bets never worked in Atlantic City.  Twitter is what you make of it, like how he turned inane grievances into becoming Earth’s most powerful man.  Bitching about anything you’d like is the dream in an imperfect world.  But with marginal power comes a bit of responsibility.  It’s crucial for those sharing to realize how easy it is to create personal crises.  The man setting freaking national policy should learn first.

We can’t blame employees when an executive user shows Twitter at its worst.  It’s not because of anything the site did.  His odd capitalization and catfights would be embarrassing for a retiree with “#MAGA” in his bio and penchant for trusting Gateway Pundit.  Trump’s petty beefs are as bad as the phrasing out of a 1970s Korean motorcycle manual.  Electing an amateur has caused professional crises.

Twitter is a twisted world of unpleasant deviants.  And that’s just the accounts with real names.  It’s a place where everyone can give an opinion.  Yikes.  Our species just has to get better at editing. Tweeting is such a free market that people freak out at the purity like they do at Uber surge pricing.  It’ll take time to adjust to not having life controlled by dolts, whether it be taxi medallion issuers or obtusely pompous publishers.

But keep faith in self-publishing even if it’s as exhausting as following Vox.  We must remain committed to both the republic and social media despite how certain people unfortunately use each.  Elect and follow wisely.  Take a deep breath before sharing and remember that it’s possible.


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