Too Few Parties

Is there anything else you’d like to cope with losing?  Could we cede more territory to help preserve friendship?  And would you like a Frappuccino?  Republicans specialize in winning and then acting like the defeated.  That may be too magnanimous.  Turning into liberals balances out the universe.

The puzzling habit of being held hostage by the side with no guns is even more common under a president who’s notoriously eager to make deals and far worse at them than he imagines.  Donald Trump’s fans are resentful that he won, which only makes sense in 2017. Ceaseless gloating covers for how often he proposes something Bill Clinton would.  It doesn’t even have to involve a cocktail waitress.

Winning is easy when you don’t stand for anything.  Promising to take away pain while curing sadness doesn’t count.  Washington does a horrendous job of helping those blessed to not live there.  At least half of the major parties used to agree.  We need a throwback for more than sweet ’70s sports.

Setting the debate terms is the loser’s consolation prize.  The game show’s home version is more valuable than the trip to Bermuda.  Those in second place get their last-place ideas respected.  There’s not one party sharing the idea that health care is a commodity like any other.  Its importance is precisely why the government shouldn’t be involved.  About half the guys used to at least pretend to trust us.

What’s the point of winning?  It’s to say they won.  In other words, Republicans copy Trump.  Anyone who thought he didn’t represent the Party of Hoover was thinking wishfully.  The professional puckerer does so all too well, as he’s merely bolder about using government to clumsily interdict on people who would otherwise be happy.  The tax on making decisions is the price of pretend autonomy.

The purported small-government, big-Constitution side was awfully quick to surrender on how many trillions must be frittered.  Americans wouldn’t feel entitled if they weren’t ripped off in the first place. It’s be easier to care for themselves if they didn’t start off in the negative column.  But the problem is marketed as the solution. Don’t look for help from the White House.  Those who thought Trump would fight the bossy squares would be good marks for his casinos, or at least the ones that are still open.

Winning is a goal in and of itself in these selfless times.  Anyone who crushes adversaries in ballot counts gets to be in charge, which is the highest aspiration of public service.  Make the other side feel shame over the term’s length for efficiency.  Take their ideas to show there are no hard feelings.

There’s a vague sense among contemporary idealists that one party is better than the other at administering cloddish infringements on your rights.  All that happens in practice is that Republicans prove they’re bad at government.  That sort of used to be the point.

Sure, you have a choice.  It just may not be as inspiring as you’d hope. The party that pretends to endorse freedom either refuses to limit government as promised or gets in place by by promising to administer goodies more efficiently.  Who funds them? Nobody: they’re free!  The government hands them out, which means there’s no cost, duh.  I thought you understood economics.

There’s no point in winning if both sides vote for us to lose more money.  Each franchise would dispute that they share the same policies despite uncanny coincidences.  Deep down, both ids know getting to issue edicts is the ultimate prize.  Sure, getting drunk on orders poisons America’s liver.  But we can pretend one side still thinks liberty is neat, and the fantasy’s what it’s about.

The reality isn’t as stimulating.  A failed minority warns of dire consequences if their garbage projects are repealed. Republicans are too scared to note the federal government that can’t get trains to run should care for the most vulnerable.  America’s cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys act like the argument’s over when they were the ones who were supposed to present the case.  It’s no wonder people so inept had to seek office.

If a scheme works, why stop it?  Win elections and make your gross grabby habit legal.  Our valiant leaders either get elected by promising everything will be improved with properly-disbursed bribes or don’t have the nerve to stand up to journalists who proclaim taking cash from those who earned it is just.  It’s probably best not to ponder what resentment’s popularity says about voters.

The nice part about a republic is having someone else to blame.  That’s why it’s not our fault we’re stuck with a president who’s all too eager to deal away principles he never had.  Giving in to whatever liberals want is how we stick it to the establishment.

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