Punched Out

Fighting all the time explains the brain damage.  The wise pugilist hopes fists get sore before the jaw.  The only thing harder than the physical ailments is mentally justifying constant brawling as rugged. It’s easy to hit anyone who comes within arm length. Windmilling limbs nonstop leaves little time to come up with policies if you’re wondering why we still have Obamacare and stupid taxes.

Justify haymakers. The Donald Trump presidency is the lamest Fight Club remake possible. If we’re going back to the most irritating things about the ’90s, a relevant Trump is just another example of nihilism we should’ve left behind.  Random seething rage is really healthy for both humans and the country.  You may have noticed it doesn’t get much done.

There should be motivation for informing someone from the other faction about their questionable ancestry.  Jerry Seinfeld noted boxers should get in a car crash first to get angry at each other with purpose, and we should listen considering our country is presently about nothing.  Short of arranging fender benders, look for those with whom you disagree. Screaming at anyone who’s been green-lit is not sufficing.  The fact both parties want more control over your decisions hasn’t convinced them to seek common ground.

Contemporary debate consists of a sibling in the back seat deciding whatever the other says is stupid.  Letting a foe define you is fine if you’re eight. But the double-digit ages are a time when you should develop your own personality.  By contrast, our 71-year-old kid president shows how strong his ego is by deciding he is who hates him.  The free agent despises everyone wearing a different-colored jersey even if he has to look down to remember which one he donned.  At least the NFL features collisions for the time being.

Think of a reason.  Knowing just why you hate the other party is why you need an ideology.  Try endorsing the notion that the government is to life what Hillary Clinton is to accepting responsibility.  It would’ve been nice if the president had a belief system.  I guess thinking he’s the best counts.

Why are we yelling?  Arguers should probably start with principles before defending them.  I hate to tell the president how to do his job, but it’s good if you don’t have to be informed by an aide why you despise whoever’s facing you.  It wouldn’t be such a problem if he could stop being so amateur.  I know it’s his greatest virtue, but it’s about time to go pro. He ends up hollering at the woman he beat and the cable networks that gave him endless free hours to compensate.

Call me a pacifist, but we shouldn’t want to pummel everyone.  Maybe aim some vitriol for Iran instead of preening reporters.  The only thing lamer than journalists is fighting with them. Shrugging at a mendacious media before doing what’s right would be the true victory.  Instead, the president punches down out of habit.

I wonder if the president is overcompensating with his boasting.  Am I this cynical?  Such insolence will get me on Sean Hannity’s list of disloyal Americans, which I’ve been waiting for since the election. Being more obnoxious about purportedly brawling is only refreshing for five minutes.  If voters were seething before, wait until they note what hasn’t changed under Trump.  It’s no wonder he always seems so petulant.  His core fans follow his cues as very strong individuals.

Imagine taking on enemies with a purpose.  Disagreeing with them doesn’t count unless there’s a better reason than having been assigned teams during gym class.  Anger is pointless without cause.  I know that bar fights with angry dolts seem entertaining, but the fun of waking up with teeth on the pillow wears off after a few years.

Randomly lashing out at everyone isn’t as tough as advertised.  A good shooter should at least know where the barrel’s aiming.  The same applies for furled hands.  It turns out much of the electorate doesn’t care about properly limiting government: they only want the perception of brawling.  I know just the loudmouth.

The White House Boxing Gym doesn’t spar for anything of value, which is why all the ruinous liberal junk remains in place.  You’d think those who disregard contact restrictions would get more victories. Supposed nonstop belligerents ignore both the Constitution and Marquess of Queensberry Rules yet still haven’t won rounds since the qualifying bout.  Hitting is lame unless there’s a good reason.  Nobody at the White House has thought of one.


Warp Speed and Brains

We still must debate what’s known to be lunacy.  A My Pillow won’t help you feel less tired.  Even stacking the second you get for a great price will be fruitless.  Perhaps they’re good for smothering; the mustache guy doesn’t mention it in the ad.

The warped prospective looks normal to those sucked into wormholes. Those who should be shunned have the same access to Twitter and message boards as the sane and decent.  Lunacy is accepted as legitimate far too often.  At least we can feel thankful for having a republic.

There is no more rational behavior than knocking down statues, presuming ghosts are both real and haunting police forces with racist urges. As for more recent history, Rebel memorials were there in July, which makes concluding they contained latent evil juju seem rather odd. Those suddenly indignant aren’t willing to hear that the Confederacy may have involved more issues than losing wars on slavery’s behalf, including misguided personal valor.  But it’s easy to win once you’ve deemed your enemies diabolical.  No, we’re not talking about emancipation: the subject is honoring war dead.

Hating the CSA is a favorite pastime of those who also loathe the USA. Insulting the flag is how the modern bright person shows they respect this place.  Kneeling poseurs can’t figure out whether America will be swell once it never has problems or is as continually monstrous as Trump voters.

But details are unimportant when you’re righteous enough.  Barack Obama showed his adoration for our country by trying to alter everything he disliked, which is to say everything.  His intellectual disciples claim America will be swell once an ever-efficient government provides compassionate insurance to all.  Pray for the spouses of such critical people, although they presumably had to have suspected what was in store.

The NFL will explain what a catch is before those who flip off the anthem at work explain why insolence is the new patriotism.  There hasn’t been one intelligent football player explaining why this self-aggrandizing moment is selfless.  It’s perhaps because their extrapolations sounds like those of head trauma victims.  More concussion research is necessary.

I wish petulant NFLers would fight stereotypes by not being lunkheaded athletes.  I’d actually prefer the typical dumb jock who has no pretensions of learning anything more than the playbook.  Realizing limits is far wiser than thinking a sanctimonious affront aids justice.

Football is a team game, just like blindly following what washed-up players claim about racist devil cops.  Note how many lemmings concluded that Colin Kaepernick is both bright and decent, and you see how ESPN thinks going for social justice would equal ratings.  Who would want to watch plain sports?

It’s cool to resist.  Don’t you want to be self-important?  Hashtag rangers are fighting oppression, which you should oppose.  Sure, deciding the country is trash based on a handful of incidents involving unpleasant cops doesn’t make much sense, especially compared to truly crummy stuff in every inferior non-America nation. But grown juveniles aren’t interested in your square statistics. Please let us know when this is no longer a garbage country.  Don’t leave in the meantime, as there are endless rights to exploit by bitching about them.

Why are you against helping others?  Socialism is cool, according to those who can slack thanks to the free market.  We’ve gained every technological advancement while losing understanding of what human nature is.  It might take looking up from our screens, so forget it.

But we wouldn’t even get the chance to devolve into slugs without a robust marketplace.  No worker’s paradise is going to invent an iThing.  But you can coast in a free society while bitching that it’s unfair.  It’s right in a way they don’t grasp.

The needle is buried so far in the red that getting back to merely dangerous will be a trek.  Warped perspective makes peril seem fun. In a fair world, Bernie Sanders should be handing out mimeographed pamphlets about corporate greed on a Burlington street corner. Instead, he’s lauded as a neat grandpa by dolts who in a more enlightened time would reside in asylums despite the consistently odious results of his lunatic idiocy over human history.  But socialism helps people and is free, so why won’t you give up your corporate greed and work so the selfless don’t have to.

Sure, we could blame social media, which is rotting brains worse than rock music and Sugar Smacks combined.  But it’s merely easier to do dumb things.  This whole on the line computering fad facilitates finding plenty of supportive people, which is the worst thing imaginable. Have you met them?  In this case, their anonymous message board accounts show how atrocious notions can thrive with the encouragement of unhindered lunatics.  Those indulging horrid notions show the value of having editors.  Professionals aren’t found in echo chambers packed with resentful dolts.

Technomen are supposed to find relevant information instantly, which leaves more time for pondering.  Instead, modern man jumps quickly to the next topic that requires crude overreaction.  Our species is now conditioned to react as quickly as our devices.  Evolved humans indulge feelings instead of contemplating, which is almost as uncool as Blockbuster Video.  It’s time to upgrade to DVD.

We must avoid talking to outsiders.  Their differing ideas are toxic. Everyone who disagrees is closed-minded, which is why it’s okay to close them out. It’s almost a clever trick.  Maintain eye contact in a circle jerk attended by people who don’t recognize gender.  This tolerantly happy world is more futuristic than those in 1967 could’ve imagined.  Use unimaginably advanced devices to claim we’re dealing with 19th-century problems.  Everyone who follows you agrees, so the facts check out.

Nonstop Parties

Sure, we fail, but not as badly as their stupid party.  Noting what’s relative creates a steady stream of employment in an industry where losing work is part of the job.  The only slimier applicants than candidates are those who discuss them.  Commenters declaring that one party is about to dominate are the only ones wrong more reliably than politicians.  I hope you’re enjoying your cheap and sweet insurance.

Theories about essentially permanent parties disappearing don’t just prove nobody reads current events books: they show nobody’s going to go hungry predicting either Republicans or Democrats are doomed.  It’s no wonder nobody involved trusts the free market.

Presume a political party is dead because it lost an election for a tweet that will make those who know how to use advanced search giggle.  A lack of foresight is common when everything is immediate.  I’m sorry this paragraph isn’t over.  It’s not just the internet’s fault, as this business is conducive to spending someone else’s paycheck before midnight Saturday.  Nobody in politics thinks past lunch.  That’s how we ended up 20 freaking trillion dollars in debt without even buying anything good.

Parties are much more resilient than their victims.  The insatiable hunger to lay waste to productivity means politicians will find a way.  If you’re feeling inspired, please go to trade school instead of inflicting another political science degree on our wounded nation.

Those who never bother to learn skills end up writing about current events. You could build a fortress of books written about a particular faction’s extinction if you’d like to get something constructive out of them.  Fantastically inaccurate guarantees about our voting future constitute the only bigger scam than running for office.

Knowing history may be for primitive dorks with flip phones.  But there are interesting precedents to be discovered in bound volumes that can similarly be opened at a hinge.

Take how Republicans were supposed to be doomed after Nixon, what with all the paranoia that he couldn’t beat George freaking McGovern.  But it didn’t take too long to rebound.  For one, the party proved it was capable of learning by nominating someone who wasn’t weaselly.  That said, there was no bigger help than the Democrats.  If you’re going to take advantage of a wounded target, send a better hunter than Jimmy Carter.

Democrats are in horrid shape.  After all, look who beat them.  If you still wake up to the strange sense that Donald Trump is America’s president, remember who he faced.  The competition to see who could irk the most voters had a winner only in the literal sense.  Both sides have engaged in ruinous behavior that would doom a random enterprise.  But most corporations don’t have to compete against only one other business that sells trash for 800 bucks per pound.

As always, massive screw-ups by the other side were a big help.  What’s good for one party is rarely also good for the nation.  Decent people would realize Machiavellian calculations harm America for selfish benefit.  But we’re talking about politicians.  They think the world is a zero-sum game just because their dumb profession is.

Don’t worry if your precious party is less popular than orphan cancer, as they’ll eventually come back into favor by comparison to the puppy grinder.  It’ll just take a good amount of pain first.  Someday, there will be a political entity that improves our lot instead of noting they wouldn’t wreck our lives as badly as their counterparts. I’m a dreamer, but Star Trek will eventually nudge humans to give up everything that defines us in favor of cruising around the universe in our pajamas.

Typical nominees prove parties are interested in helping each other.  Who said they’re covetous?  They can’t possibly choose the most appalling possible options to represent them by design.  Selecting the worst among us may seem like self-loathing behavior.  But deep down, they grudgingly admire the other side enough to throw a rope.  The only other option is that they’re inept at deciphering how life works, and that can’t be.

The desire to rule over fellow man paired with the inability to do anything useful ensures public service will always have a bigger supply of potential employees than demand.  Those economics don’t work elsewhere, which is why participants are puzzled you get so upset when they kindly spend on your behalf.

Those in that especially pernicious industry are extremely motivated to keep their titles.  Sometimes, it takes patience in the form of waiting to prey until the other guys devastate the economy and our sense of security even worse.  The problem is the suffering in the meantime.

Follow Off a Cliff

Teach your kids to behave online.  The precocious ones will announce they’ll do so after the president does.  A poor example enables the next generation of brats if you dreamed of relief at the tiresome trend of online crankiness concluding any time soon.  It’s hard to calculate what Donald Trump’s unsavory conduct teaches children, not to mention adults.  Everyone will be paying for awhile, which is a trait that bonds generations.

The executive can set a standard, which means we’re in trouble.  This whole social media fad seems to be sticking around.  Our id-focused world has a suitable president, which should make everyone very proud of the present.  A leader whose idea of diplomacy is mouthing off after seeing what Fox & Friends producers consider to be news is just what we deserve.

Modern man deserves presidents blurting out whatever comes to mind as quickly as can be clicked.  Fittingly, the first two examples of the oversharing age are unhealthy.  Barack Obama was historic, although he still fails to grasp that going first and doing a good job are not necessarily companions.  His appalling superficiality reinforced his cultish delusions.  The snotty lectures belied the hideous results.

A president who convinced young people online that their delusions were justified led to the incumbent, which means Obama really did affect the future.  A slicker method of conniving turns out to be effective. Did you know that can be bad?

That’s when a notorious loafer even bothered to care what was connected to his name.  A communal-minded executive notoriously handed his password to inappropriately arrogant Organizing for Action stooges. As a result, the creepiness was impersonal.  Twitter is irksome enough, but the last guy left one lousy precedent.  At least he was consistent.  Or, maybe not.  Going in an unexpected direction would’ve been welcome.  But he just couldn’t go the Joker route if it meant being wise.

Crummy explanations for facile decisions are simply one more way in which two presidents portrayed as opposites are linked.  Trump and Obama just boast differently.  In a cliched Hollywood blockbuster, they’d learn of their common ground and work together.  In reality, the pompous twits combine to ensure Americans are continued to be punished for not buying lousy insurance.

Real Donald Trump is an accurate name, as it’s entirely his account. That’s the problem.  Petty men can indulge their basest desires with a wifi connection.  In this case, that means something unspeakably perverse.  Forget hoping to read a worthwhile tweet.  A person who thinks impulsiveness is a virtue is not going to convince Americans that debt for pittances will crush everyone’s retirement plans. Instead, he will scold members of his own party for not doing what he wants.  He already forgot what, but I’m sure it was reasoned originalism.

You’d think someone who spent all day on Twitter would be better at it. Trump should be used to typing on a phone by now, which means spelling errors can’t be excused because he was born in the ’40s.  A modern president should learn the format of insults before yelling at everyone who dared criticize him.  Earth’s most prominent decision-maker didn’t realize the job featured criticism.  As he knows, it democratically only takes a click.

You failing loser!  Our president is simply not a clever man, reflected by a world where context-free sliming has taken the place of witty ripostes.  Everyone gets to publish without financial investment. But that means personal responsibility.  Modern authors should at least practice and observe to get sharper.  Do your job, and setting an example follows naturally.  I mean a good one.

Twitter is everything right and wrong with our world.  This system of information passing through the ether is nothing more than an easy method for humans to interact.  Some are decent while a high percentage are jerks, morons, or moronic jerks.  So, it’s like every other life area.  The option to publish a few sentences at once makes everything a bit easier.  Unfortunately, that includes blurting before contemplating.

You can get away with anything online, which isn’t as fun as it sounds. Blame those abusing the online honor system.  Anonymous loudmouths don’t have to worry about getting bopped on the nose for mouthing off, minus an invitation to duke it out where at least one party won’t show.  Without consequences, the temptation to seek attention by shrieking the loudest is now humanity’s defining characteristic. At least we don’t have to wait a week for the next television episode.

Wasting all day bitching about the news is what everyone else does.  A president is now acting like us.  Feel better?  Prototypical tweeter Trump reflects society, which means we’re in trouble.  His nerve-wracking term merely confirms it.  To be fair, he’s not helping make life more pleasant, either in the tactile or virtual worlds. I’d ask why he capitalizes random words if I thought the answer would be interesting.

Vote for Fantasies

The thought of residing in a tiki lounge bunker on Mars with seven favorite Suicide Girls is one way to cope with our present planet sucking it.  For those resigned to being stuck here, projecting scenarios is the best way to deal with reality when you’re out of angel dust.

Trying to replicate the affects of narcotics is especially necessary for our particular reality.  The twist is we’re living on Earth-Two where all the strange stuff happens. It figures that DC Comics is running this gloomy reality.  I dream of crossing dimensions to get on the normal planet where President Mitt toasts to North Korea’s disarmament with a malted milk.

Wondering what could have been is an acceptable hobby to escape this dumb world.  But many of those who caused it are the ones letting their minds wonder, which will be banned starting when my congressman heeds my letter.  Failing legislation, escapism is still supposed to be the bystander’s option.  Instead, responsible parties are acting as irresponsibly as possible.  They’re looking for excuses to compensate for their actions.  So, that’s why they’re into collective blame.

“At least he beat Hillary” is the first line in Donald Trump’s Wikipedia until editors catch it.  But is he the only Republican who would’ve been able to claim that?  Asking if not-Trump would have won is a pointless figurative question. That just makes it like his proposals.

The insolent amateur presidency drives its most ardent fans even more insane.  Remaining shock troopers naturally compensate by claiming the guy who pulled it off in this preposterous reality was the only one who could topple whatshername.

I almost don’t blame them.  Everyone’s stuck with this outcome, so we may as well entertain ourselves with scenarios about what if.  That’s the case even if we weren’t the ones yelling “Punch it!” as the guardrail approached.  Turn to Marvel’s penchant for daydreaming about slight changes with drastic results as a form of redemption.  Trump fans should enjoy discussing pretend scenarios, as it conforms with his accomplishments and conservatism.  Are you enjoying the swamp-draining?

We wanted useful combat maneuvers and instead got lame slap fights over trite disputes between egomaniacs.  I hope winning was worth it. Those dogged by principles wonder if someone who offered more than noticing Obama sucks would’ve not only won but swung the popular vote, as well.  That’s not the kind of theory Trump fans prefer.  But they may be surprised they’re still not dictating terms.

A few more million votes would’ve gotten Hillary fans to pipe down, which is preferable even if their tears are delicious. Sure, it’s fun to note they don’t know how the Constitution works. But those extra ballots would’ve helped a Republican president make a case for his agenda.  The incumbent doesn’t have to worry about such trifling matters on account of how he doesn’t have one.  The technicality means he beat the system yet again.

We were lamentably offered a uniquely unsuited buffoon whose job history isn’t impressive upon the slightest close examination.  I forgot which candidate I mean.  I’ll also stop litigating the election when the president does, as I believe our leader should set an example.

Like the new Tinder friend who took your bank card after she asked you to babysit, you may scroll through screenshots just to remind yourself what the pain was like.  America’s doing the same.  The 2016 election is why humans were created to be capable of guilt. We may as well learn from colossal screw-ups unless we want to prove science fiction shows correct about how idiotic people of our time are.  I don’t know about you, but being lectured by Doctor Who’s producers is not my idea of escape.

But go ahead and pretend only the QVC spokesman could’ve beaten a Clinton who was phony even by family standards. Playing pretend allows followers with plenty of practice the ability to maintain the delusion that bitching at whoever insults the president is effective.  Never mind if it gets anything good done.  Attempting to project strength without values leaves us with neither. It turns out our enemies can spot posturing, as they possess the sort of amoral calculation the president creepily admires.

We can dream about a president who might not have squeaked by the universe’s worst candidate. The mystery human would’ve had Obamacare and tax proposals ready to go instead of merely deciding last year that whatever’s in place is crummy.  Voters would’ve been more impressed, too, presuming primary voters hadn’t split their votes against the jerk reality show-style. It’s my fantasy, so it can’t be wrong.  Besides, it beats the ones unrepentant Trump voters are having.  At least I can tell mine aren’t really happening.

Signal This

You can’t possibly believe that.  Everyone is dishonest but you, so reward yourself for purity with three items from your Amazon Wish List.  Two-day shipping is part of the gift for being one of America’s few honest citizens.  It takes guts to not criticize the president.  Only those who understand their patriotic duty to acknowledge infallibility as granted by Article Eight respect it. Some treasonous knees aren’t even scuffed.

Troublesome dissenters can’t possibly be honest that they think Donald Trump might not be able to button his own shirt, much less win wars while letting us earn.  This is just another virtue-signal by me to get more bags of gold dropped in my lap from the Koch Brothers helicopter by Bill Kristol.  The president’s most, um, ardent devotees think mocking him must be for profit, as he’s never spoken an incorrect word.  I’d like to hear more about standards from those who have none.  Who’s better to know what’s wrong with them?

You’ll never believe who thinks our motives are suspect. It turns out we loved our president all along.  These nasty slanders are absorbed by a blessing of a leader who forgives those least deserving of it.  That’s especially true of his cranky critics who only tease his struggles with reasoning and English to get the praise of liberals, who we’re obviously keen on impressing.  I know it’s been my goal since I unfortunately became interested in politics.

Please take insults in place of solutions.  The White House Fan Club can’t just admit he’s what would happen if fellow WWE Hall of Famer George “The Animal” Steele had been elected to the most powerful office on Earth.  That’s not an entirely fair comparison, as the incumbent is far less charming as he eats turnbuckles.

You may have noticed he’s making up as he goes along and sucks at that. But that’s your deluded instincts controlling your rational thoughts. I blame the lamestream media.  At the same time, I thank our president for showing the dangers of cult membership.  Of course, that wasn’t his intention by telling his minions to reject any lord but him.  But inadvertent usefulness is all we expect from politics now.  Did I mention this government wants to cut up your pork chop for you?

Bet it all on the Cleveland Browns.  They’re due.  But perhaps the struggles with moving or stopping the ball are part of a trend.  Try finding a more articulate shyster.  If I’m going to waste integrity defending someone who’s ostensibly on the same side, it’s not going to be for an oft-liberal buffoon.

Those lamentably paying attention to Trump are somehow profiting off noting the president is not suited for the job due to his apelike demeanor and fourth-grade insults.  He’s united the nation.  Sure, it’s not in the way the Red Hat Brigade predicted, but that’s the only thing they’ve gotten wrong.  They’re just so eager to move into the future where people aren’t burdened by standards.  Their dreamboat president is so eager to prove he’s above partisanship that he has no standards.  If he says it, they agree with it.  Life’s as easy as they portray.

It’s an uncanny coincidence how those who think principles are for losers feel everything is a scheme.  Those opposed to the flim-flam president’s scuzzy transactions may not think the ends are justified. I know it’s hard to imagine how others are capable of believing things and sticking with them.  Those who thought out some sort of ideology have yet to be seduced by a president whose only principle is that he’s the best.  It should be easy to confirm.

Loyalty to individuals instead of ideas is bound to produce contentment and sound sleep.  We’re living through Game of Thrones with much less classy nudity.  All is for sale while nothing has value.  On the plus side, it’s a buyer’s market for souls.

Trump’s last Eagle’s Nest holdouts shake their heads at your traitorous criticism.  What kind of egghead would embrace ideas, anyway?  You can’t see them unless you visit the National Archives, and that’s right in the middle of undrained swamp.  Adulate a human instead, as it’s easy to praise his words and smirks.  There happens to be a perfect one in the White House, as seen by the extensive peaceful prosperity.  Trump’s gentle healing touches all those, including the ingrates.  He’s quite magnanimous.

Those who suspect critics of treachery have shown just how loyal they are. If they won’t criticize this uncouth lunkhead, they certainly wouldn’t doubt a decent fellow.  There I go again with horrid insults aimed at our beneficent executive just because I listen to him.  I’m sure Trump will reward their slavishness.

Enemy of Dumb People

Everyone is now defined by who hates them. Do you feel inspired?  There’s no reason to propose initiatives that would improve our species.  Those involve hard work on account of all the thinking followed by implementing.  It’s far easier to gesture toward whoever loathes your guts with the implication that your style differs.  Don’t thank them.

But what if the person who put your face on a dartboard is a moron?  You should believe that by definition.  Dumb people hating a product offer a marginal endorsement.  It’s an advertisement to functional humans if their doltish counterparts smash it on a table because the buttons are perplexing. Still, the right sort of folks should enjoy using it.  A tablet should be easy to navigate even if semi-upright apes are flummoxed.

Your opponents might have bad taste.  But their appalling fondness for Vanilla Ice doesn’t make your New Kids on the Block fanny pack any cooler.

At a tranquil time when everyone hates everyone else, it’s easy to let animosity set boundaries. Unsophisticated Cro-Magnons in the Before-Time used to discuss their differences.  They should’ve thrown rocks at each other like us evolved primates.

All we know is that we’ve been out for blood for as long as history’s been documented.  The ancient texts stretch as far back as tweets at the page’s bottom. Nobody’s quite sure why we pray for the deaths of those with different candidates’ lawn signs, as contemplation distracts from rage.

Both parties preserve our stupid government’s atrocious overreaches in their own ways.  Personal style is the only distinguishing characteristic.  It’s hard to sort the rumblers when each participant wears Hypercolor shirts with Skidz pants.  Spot your side by their different Starter hats.  Are we the Raiders or the Sharks? The hideous throwbacks will be embarrassing in five minutes.  But nobody looks for past examples anymore, so we’ll forget today to focus on mocking each other tomorrow.

Policies are irrelevant.  I mean, they’re not.  But any particular stances are ignored in favor of emphasizing caricatures.  Premises are only distinguished by degree.  The disgust is so severe because the stakes are so small. The other side is on the other side, and that’s all animosity takes.  American politics now resemble a summer camp color war.  Anyone wearing blue is the enemy, so dump flour on them.

Trump’s oft-liberal caricature of conservatism is all the most zealous disciples and apostates need to create their personalities.  I’d feel sorry for those who still think he’s a definitive businessman if the association didn’t taint human commerce. Anyone paying attention knows a favor-buying brute who writes his name in gold to distract from his insecurity loathes open commerce.  On the other hand, Democrats do detest him more than Kim Jong-un.

Those who insist life is full of complexities too nuanced for conservatives also proclaim there’s only one side.  To be fair, there are even fewer.  Like troglodytic neo-Nazis fighting contemptible modern commies in the worst World War II reenactment ever, it’s fine to loathe both.  If the relatively milder choice is between two parties who want to control us with slightly different terminology, I’m drinking RC Cola.

Trump tries to sell you on how he’s for selling.  The diagram would confuse M.C. Escher.  But all he’s ever wanted is to corner business with charm and threats.  It’s not my fault others bought it.  The inability to recognize that government favoring particular enterprises is the precise opposite of free markets is why we don’t let the left define terms.  We also roll our eyes when they proclaim there’d be peace if only we weren’t mean to friends we’ve turned into warmongers.

Democrats hate a president who basically agrees with them because he pretended to be a right-winger.  At least we have another example of what happens differing from what should.  It’s the longest-loading Wikipedia.

The animosity is understandable: I wouldn’t want him representing my side, either.  But nobody can distinguish between party and ideology in these sophisticated times.  His penchant for solving everything with a deal is only made worse by what he considers deals.  Democrats fume because their chief designated enemy proposes federal fixes that aren’t slick enough.  I know there’s value in ticking them off.  But it should be for better reasons than electing someone unpleasant.

There has to be more.  There’s not and won’t be.  A candidate could offer something positive, maybe.  It doesn’t seem possible at present.  But a deep dive into information available through our futuristic fluorescent tablets indicates humans were once capable of providing legitimate reasons to be despised. Now, flipping off rivals is considered sufficient.  Stir in lame insults to keep it real.

The chasm between what’s accepted and where standards should be is the difference between Appetite for Destruction and thinking the present Guns N’ Roses tour will match it.  Remember how nostalgia’s in? Nobody wants to think about the present.  We let those who find us hideous do that on our behalf.